Still love someone who tried to / did cheat

[Stilllovehim01]

Posted before under different username ages ago . In a nut shell was in a relationship 15+ yrs married kids etc. We split up and divorced as he was abusive. Later on I met someone else (started as friends - grew into more) were happy or I was and he said he was. All good for 14 months then I found texts. Showed he had called sex workers. Denied anything had happened and I had no proof. We split then got back together for a while then he ended it again. Said he had ruined things , that the trust would never come back , my family would all hate him he had let me down and treated me badly etc. He also said he wanted his own kids one day and I can’t medically have anymore . Me and my kids love him. He’s been here for all the things in our lives birthday Christmases holidays etc plus day to day. Doesn’t live with me though.

We split but stayed in touch as friends. Friends only. Not been sleeping together . The longer it goes on the more I miss him. It actually physically hurts . I saw him yesterday as he came over for dinner and he was showing me something on his phone and I saw the app for tinder on there. I felt very upset and he said I am not getting any younger (he 32) and if I want to settle down and have kids of my own I need to look and try and meet someone.

He then also said when we started talking about wverything he still loves me cares about me and us all and misses me. Loves spending time with us all. But is scared if we try again his feelings of wanting his own kids will still be there and we could split again years down the line which will be harder on everyone or that he could end up resenting me.

He also says he doesn’t deserve another chance as he’s hurt me too much and us not being together is best for both of us in the long run. I love him so very much . We talked a lot and he said some days he’s made the right decision and other days he questions it and wishes we were together

I want us to work on things as I think we could be happy again if we gave it a proper go. He said he just needs time to think as he needs to sort himself out . He’s gone to work today and I won’t see him now probably until next week as he’s spending the weekend with family. I miss him so much already and I am trying not to message or crowd or put pressure on him. My anxiety is so bad today I have come home and gone to bed (I am on annual leave ) I feel sick sweaty want to keep crying. I just want this pain to go away and for us to be happy again

[Stilllovehim01]

Broken sleep again last night . It’s the pain in my stomach that sick feeling I can’t get rid of

[artyandtarty]

Sicky feeling maybe a side effect of starting the sertraline. I had similar nauseous feeling for a few weeks & then it subsided.

[GilbertMarkham]

It sounds like classic depression/anxiety op.

It's also very hard going to end a relationship at the best of times.

All you can do is try to deal with the depression, and put aside the relationship processing until later.

You're not in a relationship with him, let him do what he does, what does it matter. He's not good relationship material, for anyone but especially not for a mum.

[category12]

You won't feel like this forever, op, you just have to keep going and it will get easier.

You made some positive moves yesterday about EMDR etc and you got through the day. So - 🏆

Today is a new day, try to do some nice things for yourself, lots of self-care.

[Stilllovehim01]

Yeah I just miss him a lot . The thought of him with someone else really hurts

[Sunflower1970]

As others have said this guy is a loser who is using you, but most importantly your kids. Who would want a person like this in their house? Once he has sorted out a Tinder relationship you will not see him for dust!! Also, he wants kids. They is not going to change so let him go. As somebody else said, if I were your friend in real life I wound have lost patience with this ridiculous situation. He is a DrUGGie coat white cannot he trusted!

[newnameforthis123]

How are you doing @Stilllovehim01?