I feel totally stuck and don't know where to turn.
Been with DP for about 16 months, living together half that time. I relocated to be here with him and all was good at the beginning. But about 3 months ago I realised the spark had died and it just wasn't panning out as I'd hoped, I'd say not for lack of trying on either side, I think we're just very different people. I also am finding it hard not having my own space, as I was used to.
There is nothing really wrong with DP but I find myself irrationally irritated by everything he does - even breathing 😒 plus his vaping and weird grunting noises that I can hear all round the house. I just can't picture us being together until we're old and grey, or until next year even. I am pretty sure he feels more positively about things which makes this even harder for me.
I find myself making excuses to go and sit upstairs on my own, just to escape, eg working, resting cos I'm tired... though currently I am needing to rest as my fibromyalgia which is normally very mild is out of control and I'm in agony all over - he keeps saying it's from working too much but I know it's the stress of thinking about everything.
I think back to when we first got together and it was all good, and we got along great but I didn't feel the same spark I've felt with other partners. I think I saw him as a "safe" option. If I give the back story to this it might explain a few things: a few years ago my abusive ex DP took his own life - this was preceded by months of abuse and me having to make him move out, whereupon he started harassing me. It was the most harrowing time of my life and I had many dark moments, it was incredibly lonely and I still feel awful guilt (though rationally I know I shouldn't). I think I was still quite vulnerable when I met current DP so someone with his head screwed on, no apparent issues, a good job and house were a welcome breath of fresh air. Now I'm sat here wishing I hadn't rushed into anything.
But also I am thinking I am 40 years old, and would like to think I'd have kids but have to be realistic. If I stayed with DP I could do this but if I left I might not get the chance again.
I find myself obsessively looking at rental listings for houses in the town where my family lives and daydreaming about the new simple life I'd build for myself there, nearer to friends and family too. I don't want to break DP's heart 
I don't know what the right thing to do is. Do I find somewhere to live first before telling him?! It's not like we have a spare bedroom I can stay in for the interim even and I can't stay with family as they are all shielding for various reasons. I feel so sad and stuck.