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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Found Valentines card last week - not given to me.

102 replies

MissMollysDolly · 14/02/2020 19:30

This morning, woke up to a card and flowers from OH. He’d already gone to work. All very lovely. Other than, it is not the same card that I found in his car last week, when I had it as mine was in for repairs.....For additional info we have been married for 16 years so it’s not a new relationship. Been stewing about this all day. Scared to confront him about it.

OP posts:
AwkwardAsAllGetout · 14/02/2020 19:32

Entirely possible he forgot/lost the other card imo, especially with the car situation.

JustHereWithPopcorn · 14/02/2020 19:33

Have you checked to see if it's still in his car?

NorthEndGal · 14/02/2020 19:34

No chance that he smudged it and needed to get a new one?

EmmaC78 · 14/02/2020 19:35

My first thought too was that he probably just forgot where he put it and had to buy another.

restingbitchface30 · 14/02/2020 19:36

This happened to me once, but birthday card that said to my girlfriend. But when he gave me a card it was different. Maybe he changed his mind and saw a different card he preferred. Or he forgot he had already got you one. Entirely possible if he’s anything like my fella. Or he was using it to give as a joke to a mate. Or he was using that one for his mum/daughter (bit out there but ya never know!)

Friendofsadgirl · 14/02/2020 19:37

I bought DH two cards. I misplaced the first one - it's very probably in my car but it was easier to buy another than hunt through the boot in the rain yesterday. Hope he didn't see the first one and expect to receive it (and that I find it before next February Smile )

MyuMe · 14/02/2020 19:37

Can you check the car and see if it is still there?

TeaMeBasil · 14/02/2020 19:37

Ugh...I had this once, I got an entirely different card than the one I accidentally saw a few days before. It wasn't for me, turns out he held a torch for his ex. Had to deal with it tho, it ate away at me until I did.

Hopefully your situation is better - either way, my advice is speak to him. You won't know otherwise and you won't forget it.

PattiPrice · 14/02/2020 19:38

I bought a card last year a few weeks before Valentines and when I looked for it, it was nowhere to be found. I bought another and months later found the original card which I had hidden in a ‘safe’ place. I used it this year instead.

TenShortStories · 14/02/2020 19:38

I'm forever losing cards that I've bought for someone and having to buy another one.

Is this a case of the card thing supporting a niggling doubt that's already there, or is this a stand alone thing in an otherwise good relationship? If it's the latter is outright ask him, if it's the former I might keep eyes peeled for anything else suspicious.

Also - is the card still there?

notapizzaeater · 14/02/2020 19:38

Are there any other signs ? I'm a sod for misplacing and rebuying stuff !

Awrite · 14/02/2020 19:39

Probably forgot where it it was.

MissMollysDolly · 14/02/2020 19:39

Yes I suppose it’s possible that’s happened. I did think of checking the car again but it’s right outside our window and he’d see me. They were quite different. The one I received today was ‘to my wife’ the other just ‘Happy Valentines Day’ which at the time struck me as I do normally get a ‘wife’ card!

OP posts:
CalleighDoodle · 14/02/2020 19:39

I ordered a card for my Husband with his photo on from an online place beginning of jan and put it in my present cupboard.

Last week i saw ‘you are my density’ card on fb, got excited and ordered it for valentine’s day. back to the future 1 and 3 are our fav films to watch together. Forgot about card A.

If he had looked in the present cupboard last month he would have seen a different card than what he got. Although to be fair, in this case it had a photo of him on...

restingbitchface30 · 14/02/2020 19:42

He’s definitely changed his mind then and got you a nicer one or the other one is a wind up one to someone at work or something! I wouldn’t worry

Starrynite · 14/02/2020 19:43

Any other red flags?

katewhinesalot · 14/02/2020 19:43

I'd have to ask him if he'd bought any more cards after first looking in the car

YouJustDoYou · 14/02/2020 19:44

Maybe he lost the first one so then got the second.

LittleWing80 · 14/02/2020 19:46

Has there been anything else in his patterns or behaviours that would have made you suspicious...?

rainbowsandgiggles · 14/02/2020 19:46

Might have simply forgot he already had one or been out and seen one he liked better. I often have multiples of cards because I either lose them or forget I've bought them. I had four different cards to chose from this morning as I have recently had a sort out and found them all. I have one to DH, one to DS and saved the other two for next year.

MissMollysDolly · 14/02/2020 19:47

I will have to ask him, but suspect he will probably say all of the above. If he has forgotten it, he’ll be able to go and get it from the car right? But then I’ll look like the crazy lady.
Relationship not great at the mo. Small kids one with SEN, quite a strain. He has time and opportunities to cheat - works away.

OP posts:
NoSharon · 14/02/2020 19:48

Well, you need to check for the old card.

rottiemum88 · 14/02/2020 19:48

It's sounding less likely to be nothing after your update OP 😕

LittleWing80 · 14/02/2020 19:49

Before I do anything, I’d try snd discreetly check his car to see if the other one id still there. When he’s at the back or to the shops...

LittleWing80 · 14/02/2020 19:50

Sorry about typing 🙈 and is

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