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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Found Valentines card last week - not given to me.

102 replies

MissMollysDolly · 14/02/2020 19:30

This morning, woke up to a card and flowers from OH. He’d already gone to work. All very lovely. Other than, it is not the same card that I found in his car last week, when I had it as mine was in for repairs.....For additional info we have been married for 16 years so it’s not a new relationship. Been stewing about this all day. Scared to confront him about it.

OP posts:
Moonlite · 14/02/2020 21:02

@kcw1986 why? Hmm

dudsville · 14/02/2020 21:07

Yay!

Chocmallows · 14/02/2020 21:10

He realised it didn't say wife and you would like it to, so bought one you would prefer.

BigFatLiar · 14/02/2020 21:16

Moonlite Perhaps because he shouldn't be living with someone who doesn't trust him. If he realises his actions are subject to such review and discussed on a forum he may be more than a bit put out.

fuckoffImcounting · 14/02/2020 21:28

Bless you OP and know that you are loved.

HappySonHappyMum · 14/02/2020 21:31

I bought one and have 'put it in a safe place' - couldn't find it so went and bought another - it's probably jus that!

kcw1986 · 14/02/2020 21:32

@moonlite OP has said marriage isn’t in a good place always best to talk things through when going through a bad patch

dippyeggsandham · 14/02/2020 21:48

So relived for you!

jarjarjam · 14/02/2020 22:03

But who is it for then? It wasn’t the usual type for you (you said you normally get a wife one so this one jarred with you) and it wasn’t a panic buy of a random card as it was there last week so why did he have it? Is there anything about the card personal to your likes or a little in joke between you? If not then I would be wondering if the card was for a future meet up. When is he next working away? I’m cynical though!

Notspontaneous · 14/02/2020 22:16

Good to know there are many multi card people out there OP. Small kids and busy jobs are hard. Hope things get better soon.

HeadachesByTheDozen · 14/02/2020 22:18

I'd be worried he was going to fill it out tonight/tomorrow morning and sneak out for a walk or something later tonight or give it to someone belatedly next morning. Sorry OP, I don't want to put a cloud over you, but I still would be worried. It still being in his car means nothing other than he can fill it in later in secrecy.

PicsInRed · 14/02/2020 23:35

I would leave it in place, take a photograph, then see if it disappears in the next week or so.

Legoandloldolls · 15/02/2020 01:11

Phew! Looks like he just lost it then.

dontgobaconmyheart · 15/02/2020 01:24

I'd still ask him about it and see his reaction OP. If it's an OW maybe he hasn't seen her yet, sorry to say. I'd be suspicious if he is away from the house ove the weekend or next week. He's given you your 'wife's card so who is it for then?

Chipping off to visit an OW on valentines day would be a bit obvious. Hope it's nothing.

rainbowsandgiggles · 15/02/2020 07:16

I'm sticking with the theory of lost it/found a better one theory so be aware you might get the one you found next year 😂.

If my husband went through the presents box in our house he would have found this year... four cards, a cuddly toy, heart biscuits, a heart that said "one true love" and a packet of mini eggs. He got one of the cards and the eggs (it's a weird tradition we have). The rest were for my son except the spare cards.

Not everything can be taken as suspicious and often there are presents in the house he thinks are for him. For example if he finds a card or present that is for him and it's before the occasion I will get him something else and tell him that wasn't for him anyway. Next year he will get it because he will most likely have forgotten about it by then. Maybe your OH realises you must have seen the card and got you another one so it was a surprise.

BodenGate · 15/02/2020 07:23

I too think he thought you might have seen it in the car so got you a different card taking the opportunity to choose a better one.

Jenasaurus · 15/02/2020 07:56

Bring the card inside and pop it on the mantlepiece and see what his reaction is, don't say a word, just put it up there when he isn't around so its there when he walks in. To be honest though it probably is one he bought earlier for you and forgot about. Having said that my Ex told me one year that he had bought chocolates and flowers for one of the women at work because her husband had forgotten and she was upset. It was a nice thing to do but I do wonder what her husband made of it (especially as he worked there too)

BigFatLiar · 15/02/2020 09:55

He has time and opportunities to cheat - works away.

Therefor he must be cheating?

Could the general weariness of daily life be getting to you? It may be that the 'OW' here is your suspicion. Suspicion can drive a wedge between people.

sunshinesupermum · 15/02/2020 10:32

MisMollysDolly Ignore PP's who are worried for you about the state of your marriage! It's pretty obvious from your update that he forgot where he put the original card and bought you another. Why are no many Mumsnetters so suspicious?

NoSauce · 15/02/2020 18:43

I’d still want to know who it was for.

BigFatLiar · 15/02/2020 19:20

I suspect he either forgot he'd bought it or realised it wasn't a 'To my wife' card so he went and got one of those. He should have sent them both then he could give her a hard time about her mystery card (or waited to see if she mentioned it)

InsomCho · 15/02/2020 19:33

Jeez, some people are determined to create issues in other people's relationships.

I bought a card for my Mum's birthday today, I have a feeling I've already bought one, but I wasn't sure when I was in the shop and thought I should buy one anyway so that I've definitely got one. Should my Mum start worrying in case I'm secretly seeing another Mum on the side?!

Rosetta19 · 15/02/2020 21:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rosetta19 · 15/02/2020 21:40

Wrong thread. Apologies OP

NoSauce · 15/02/2020 21:42

Rosetta19 I’m sorry things are so bad. I’m not sure if you realise but you’ve posted on someone else’s thread. Please start a new one.