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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Found Valentines card last week - not given to me.

102 replies

MissMollysDolly · 14/02/2020 19:30

This morning, woke up to a card and flowers from OH. He’d already gone to work. All very lovely. Other than, it is not the same card that I found in his car last week, when I had it as mine was in for repairs.....For additional info we have been married for 16 years so it’s not a new relationship. Been stewing about this all day. Scared to confront him about it.

OP posts:
NemophilistRebel · 14/02/2020 19:51

I’d just ask and get it off your mind sooner rather than later

WobbleTime · 14/02/2020 19:51

Go and check his car - say you left your purse or bank card in the glove box or something..... see if the other card is still there

kcw1986 · 14/02/2020 19:52

Check car and then check his phone

TenShortStories · 14/02/2020 19:52

Just look for the old card then - if it's there you can wave it and grin and saying something about thinking you'd seen a Valentine's card when you had the car and had he been wondering where it is.

If it's gone then take some time to think. One step at a time.

KitNCaboodle · 14/02/2020 19:54

I got my husband another card I can’t find. I have told him this though.
Agree with checking his car. Hopefully it’ll put your mind at rest.

FlaskMaster · 14/02/2020 19:55

Who the fuck cares if he sees you looking in the car?! Go and look. If it's not there, you need to have a snoop conversation.

theSnuffster · 14/02/2020 19:57

I got my OHs card weeks ago then forgot where I put it, drove myself mad looking for it! Hopefully he's just forgotten that he left your card in his car and got you another.

Original poster
MissMollysDolly · 14/02/2020 19:57

Doing bath and bedtime at the moment. Will come back for advice if needed after I’ve spoken to him.

OP posts:
Guiltypleasures001 · 14/02/2020 19:57

Before you go in guns blazing op

I would suggest snooping for any others signs phone, emails
And also ducks in a row in case of shit hitting the fan

Fore warned is fore armed

Desperelda · 14/02/2020 19:59

Do you not need some milk urgently and need to take his car as yours hasn’t got much petrol in it?

I’d make up any old excuse and shakedown that car. If he was stupid enough to leave a Valentines Card for an OW in there, who knows what else you might find. If the card’s still there, no harm done.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 14/02/2020 20:00

Not Valentine's but Christmas - I ended up buying my sister 3 cards, because I kept forgetting what I had already got. Maybe your DH bought the card, forgot and bought another (or found one he preferred) and that is why its different.

Double3xposure · 14/02/2020 20:00

I agree, check the car. Start hunting around the house, say you’ve lost an earring. Look down the sides of the sofa etc.

Ask him for his car keys so you can check his car. Take a torch out with you .

If you find the card, ignore it and don’t mention any of this to him.

If the card is away, SAY NOTHING. Turn detective and look for more evidence over the next weeks and months.

Do not confront him. If he’s guilty, you will give him advance warning to be more careful in future.

If he’s innocent, you will upset him needlessly and you will look like a nutter.

Redwinestillfine · 14/02/2020 20:01

Once it's dark and the curtains are shut just nip out and check

LittleWing80 · 14/02/2020 20:01

@Guiltypleasures001
That’s good advice.

You find the other card, chapter closed, no drama. If the other card has gone to an undisclosed recipient and you ask him without proof, he might lie and you might never know the truth.

Desperelda · 14/02/2020 20:01

Swop milk for Tampax to make it more urgent!

MotherofTerriers · 14/02/2020 20:02

If you ask him he will deny it - say he smudged it and bought another
And he'll cover his tracks much more carefully

Lipz · 14/02/2020 20:02

It sounds like he has found a nicer card. He probably didn't see one with wife so got a different one and then came across one with wife. Just say you think you left a jumper in his car when you were driving it. Say I'm going to see if it's there. Then look for card, if it's gone then ask him.

FloreanFortescue · 14/02/2020 20:04

If it was left in the car it could have got bent or dirty.

Wannabangbang · 14/02/2020 20:05

I have lost so many cards and rebought for a few people in the past. It really does seem like this is the case. I doubt it will be something sinister as would anyone be as brazen to put another valentines recipients card somewhere where you would find it, surely they'd buy and straight away send it

MissEliza · 14/02/2020 20:10

The fact you found it in the car suggests to me he misplaced the first one. I think you need to get it off your chest and ask him.

bobstersmum · 14/02/2020 20:11

It will still be in the car. I bet he bought one that was on a stand at the petrol station in case he didn't get another chance, but then managed to get you a wife one.

Moonlite · 14/02/2020 20:15

I agree with @Guiltypleasures001

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 14/02/2020 20:17

Q

WhenPushComesToShove · 14/02/2020 20:17

Lurking...

lilyblue5 · 14/02/2020 20:21

Check the car before panicking!

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