Strippers

[Roroba]

Ok so tonight my Husband,myself and a group of our best friends enjoyed one of the best nights out I've had in ages. We went to a few bars and as usual ended up at a local lap dancing club. We often finish the night there for the simple reason it's open late plus my sister works behind the bar. Anyway I'll get to the point.until tonight, I had no reason to question my presence there., Or justify my life to anyone, I'm blessed with a good life,I'm a happy person ,my husband and I have been happily married for 12 years And I trust him with my life.
Somehow a discussion started about a woman who had recently left her husband because he had gone on a stag party to Prague and had visited a strip club when she had strictly told him he was not allowed to do!

I'm genuinely interested to hear different views about this,it upsets me to think there are women being made to feel so disgusting and worthless by their OH that a marriage is ruined needlessly.
Sorry if I'm rambling and I hope I haven't caused anyone offence .

The only times DH and I have been to a strip club was together.

We had never been before and wanted to check it off our to do list.

I think a lot of women who dislike their partner going to a strip club pretend they dislike it because of trafficking etc but really they dislike it because they don’t want their husbands paying to become aroused by another woman

If my DP goes away with mates on a stag and they went to a strip Club I wouldn’t expect him to go home early.

I’ve made it clear to him. Strip clubs for stag do’s fair enough, but the second he pays for a lap dance I’m gone or even casual visiting to strip clubs I’d be gone.

Obviously I’ve got a problem with trafficking any decent human would, but that isn’t why my feelings are what they are. Most women do it because they enjoy the job, i can’t understand why so many people refuse to believe some women genuinely do enjoy that work - it’s easy money and I CAN see how it’s empowering. I mean who’s the real idiot, the woman who’s dancing around looking sexy in her underwear earning ridiculous money or the man who has to hand over their money for a good looking woman to show them attention?

So yeah, going to strip clubs for a stag do doesn’t bother me. Paying for lap dances and I would be gone. I wouldn’t be okay with him having some woman grind on him in a club so I certainly wouldn’t be happy if he paid for that to happen

I have no issue with DP visiting a strip club. As long as he is honest. No private dances, no extras, but being there in a group doesn't bother me.

If he lied to me about it, or lied about what happened whilst there? Game changer.

I am stunned we got to 15 comments before someone said "Cool wife". Stunned, I tell you.

I object to strip clubs for all sorts of reasons and told my now ex that if he wanted to be with me, he was not to go to strip clubs.

Exactly Musti I wouldn't be with a man who would go to one either. I used to be cool about it until I realised I had been brain washed by liberal feminism (patriarchy)

I went to stringfellows about 10 years ago. Bloody awful.

Oh please jeaux, why is it that everyone who claims to be fighting the patriarchy so bloody rude. Is insulting everyone that doesn't agree with you a prerequisite for being a feminist?

Nope only that being ok with strip clubs doesn't necessarily make you one.

I’m a strange one with my opinions on this, I would have less of an issue with the odd occasional stag night type strip show (no private dancers) and ‘upfront’ about it, than I do someone getting off secretively to porn every day.

There is a massive double standard about strip clubs, which is generally upheld by people who have never actually been to one.

When women go to see strippers such as the Dreamboys or Chippendales it’s seen as a bit of cheeky, harmless fun. When men go to lap dancing clubs, however, it’s seen as at best seedy and at worst exploitative.

It's hardly equivalent. For a start, I'd wager that most women find the thought cringeworthy in the extreme, and the ones that do 'enjoy' it are generally squawking with laughter and group-bonding rather than lusting over the male dancers. There simply isn't the same sense of entitlement and sexual purchasing as there is when men go to lapdancing bars etc.

If anything, when I've had the uncomfortable experience of being at a party with a male stripper, it is still the man who is overstepping boundaries by grinding his crotch in the face of an embarrassed 18 year-old (yes, really! Booked by her mother, if you can believe it), and forcing her hand down his pants.

There is an entirely different power dynamic at play.

The woman are in these places for the money, simple as. I feel uneasy because the guys there are exploiting woman. I honestly dont understand how men can sit there knowing the woman dont want to be doing this.

When women go to see strippers such as the Dreamboys or Chippendales it’s seen as a bit of cheeky, harmless fun. When men go to lap dancing clubs, however, it’s seen as at best seedy and at worst exploitative.

The politics of these two things is entirely different.

I’ve been to both , both are vile. The main difference with say the ‘dreamboys’ and for example spearmint rhino , is that the male shows tend to be for one large audience if you will , sort of like a performance then you have spearmint rhino where the man is ushered away into a private room to have an up close, private dance . The private dance is what makes it so sleazy IMO and this is why you have the variance of opinion. Tbh though I wouldnt be wanting to rush out and see the dreamboys anytime soon and I certainly wouldn’t be if I had a partner , it invites too many issues.

I don't mind too much if he's on a stag night and so it's very infrequent. My objections would be nothing to do with how he feels about me, or how I feel about myself. I prefer him not to go as I find it sexist and demeaning to woman in general, it perpetuates and emphasizes women being viewed only as sexual objects and such is bad for male attitudes to women. I would also worry that the women are being exploited in some way, I would think they are a bit desperate for cash to work there and / or have no other options.

I would only see it as cheating or worry that it affected me if he had a private dance or similar.

So basically you're the cool wife that not only doesn't mind your husband going to strip clubs but that you go together.

What did you expect to gain from
this thread?

Thank you Bitoffun & Terry for proving my point about blatant double standards so well.

It's not double standards to point out the difference between the two situations. I find both distasteful, but they are certainly different in nature.

Louise What is your problem? A woman feels differently than you about something and you ask her to justify her thread.

Not sure what is so difficult to understand here. I doubt many women would be thrilled at the thought of their partner getting off on watching another woman dance naked for them.

I get that some people are okay with it, but honestly it's not hard to understand why some aren't.

@Skarossinkplungerridesagain ah you must be new here, welcome to mumsnet and indeed the Internet ! 😂

I wish I was as cool as you, op

I don't think anyone who is OK with them has said that they don't understand why some women aren't. However some people have been rude about women who are OK with it.

AF

Again , welcome to mumsnet ! 😂