How much input does your DP give re:style/clothing

[greyallover]

Something bothered me the other day. I wore some workout type clothes out to go to the shops with DH. Later that day he said "let's work on getting you some dresses" I have come to realize my DH is subtley controlling in many ways and this felt along those lines although he is a snappy dresser and definitely into fashion.

I just wondered how much input your DP's give you re: fashion/clothes/hairstyle etc.?

My dad is the sort that wouldn't notice a thing and isn't at all concerned with fashion but my DH is quite concerned with appearance and being stylish.

Your dh sounds a twat tbh...

Let’s work on it? Is he your partner or your boss? What a weird thing to say.

None on his own. If I ask he usually says “I like that!” or something along those lines. It’s not super helpful but it’s supportive, which is really all I need. If I need fashion advice I’d probably turn to one of my friends.

None. At all. He’ll tell me something I’m wearing suits me or that he really likes it, but no input.

“Let’s work on...” eh, no, let’s not.

Is he controlling in other ways too?

I know, I know...

So do your dp's say anything about how you dress/style etc? Or they just say you look nice? Don't care?

Sorry if I sound like I'm being a bit thick but I really want to gauge what happens in other relationships because I've been in this one for a while and seem to have lost all sense of what's normal or right.

I work from home so am essentially slovenly. If I do put something dressy on, DH notices - but that's all. He would never suggest we 'work on' my clothes.

The last contract I had was at an office with a very weird 'casual but actually incredibly dressy' office and he suggested I go to a certain shop where they do styling advice, but that was because he didn't have a clue how to help me dress!

As a rule of thumb, if a partner sounds like they're giving you an appraisal, they're being a dick.

None at all. If I ask his opinion, he just says "it's nice" or "you look lovely", although I'm sure he has zero actual opinion.

I think the only time he's suggested I might need new tops was when I throwing mine around and complaining I can't wear any, because they're all either permanently stained or have random holes etc.

I've been in this one for a while and seem to have lost all sense of what's normal or right.

That’s worrying. Are you ok OP?

No, DP literally says “I like that top” or “those jeans are nice” but no actual input.

Dh used to suggest dresses a lot nearer the beginning of our relationship. Wasn’t controlling with it but it was obviously a style he preferred.
I am not a fan of dresses though so he didn’t get far with it. Still suggests girlier stuff occasionally but ultimately knows my style is my choice and respects that.

None! Sometimes he’ll buy me something he thinks I’ll like but doesn’t offer any opinion beyond saying ‘you look lovely’ or words along those lines if we are going out somewhere. I’m sure he realises I’m a grown up who can dress myself! I wouldn’t stand for what your DH said - that’s not cool.

DH never comments on what I wear except in a positive way when I get dressed up to go out. He has zero interest in fashion.

If you'd asked his views on what you wear, and he said "I like you in that dress you sometimes wear" or something that would be different. But "let's work on getting you some dresses" sounds like a. you're a project he's working on (or as pp said, an employee of his) and b. shows no interest in whether you like or want to wear more dresses.

"That’s worrying. Are you ok OP?"

Thanks, I'm ok, just working through some stuff, having some counseling, trying to figure out a few things and mumsnet consensus always helps me see things clearer.

greyallover that all sounds positive, I’m glad you’re working through stuff with support.

He shouldn’t be treating you like a project, he should be asking what you need and supporting you.

Dh prefers my hair longer, but that's about it. He doesn't offer any input but does compliment me when I get dressed up.

I don’t think it’s totally unreasonable to have input on each other’s wardrobes. I’ve gotten my husband to branch out a little bit it’s mostly better fitting versions of clothes he already likes to wear.

I wouldn’t dream of telling him he had to change his outfit or wardrobe since he’s a grown man and can wear what he likes. I also wouldn’t expect him to dress in a totally different style for me. Some of his clothes are a bit but it’s all part of his personality and who he is, and that’s the man I fell in love with.

I think it’s one thing if you’re asking your partner for advice, it’s another if they’re telling you that the way you dress is basically inadequate for them as a partner.

My DP weighs in on my clothes. He says what he thinks might go with what but he'd never complain about what I was wearing

*branch out a little but

Er, absolutely none, thank god. He will compliment me if something looks nice or I’m wearing something new. But that’s all as far as it goes and I do the same.

Yes I agree with you all re: not considering me as an individual. It made me so angry but when I think about it I try to justify it because he is into fashion and I think maybe that's where it comes from but his wording says it all really.

I did challenge him and say 'why do I need dresses, I don't want dresses' and he mumbled something like 'oh because all those in the wardrobe are just hanging there' so I asked him to repeat it because it was mumbly and weird and he got angry and said "because I just want to get you some dresses ok!?"

You told him you don’t want dresses and his response is to get angry? That is really not normal at all!

My dad bought my mum a dress once .... yeah, that didn’t go well
He still gets reminded of it occasionally. Family legend. It was the most hideous frumpy thing you’ve ever seen.

Mine will tell me I look good if I’m dressed up or he happens to really like what I’m wearing. Otherwise, he has no impact and never tries to get me to wear anything in particular. If he told me to wear something, I would be amazed!

Hahaha! I can imagine a similar thing would happen if my dad attempted that

I seem to be in the majority whose partners have never commented, let alone made suggestions, on their clothing.

I had one partner who did - he was a rapist. Obviously correlation=/=causation, but take from that what you will.