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Original poster

Muslim godparent??

98 replies

captainbizz · 25/04/2018 14:54

Ok so I name changed for this one as it is SO OUTING.

One of DH close friends happens to be his ex-gf. This is something that took me quite a while to get my head around but it's all fine now and I get on well with her.

For complete info, they were together 5 years from 22-27yo ish, had no children together, families are close etc. Been split up 6yrs, we've been together 4.

Ex-gf is pregnant but unfortunately her relationship broke down.
Last week she presented DH with a card, including a scan pic asking "will you be my godfather".

I now have really mixed emotions and can't tell if I'm being unreasonable simply because deep down I still have a niggle regarding them having such a good relationship (ok prepared to be told I just need to grow up) BUT he is also Muslim (she is catholic) so I didn't even think it was possible he could be a godparent??

When I mentioned this in a "oh, is that even possible?" Kind of way it was met with bewilderment from him (as he has no clue if he can as he knows very little about the Catholic Church) and side eye from her as if I was trying to spoil their special moment. She said "of course he can!"

Maybe I should've posted this in AIBU because I'm prepared to be told IABU...??

OP posts:
glasshalffull2018 · 25/04/2018 15:23

YANBU, I would google it first to check if that can happen however it is something to keep an eye on. They will probably brush your opinion under the carpet or say you are over reacting but just keep an eye on how much time they are spending together and watch out for any signs on cheating

Angelf1sh · 25/04/2018 15:28

If Downton Abbey has taught us anything it’s that only one of the godparents needs to be catholic.

Ghostontoast · 25/04/2018 15:28

I thought pukka god parents had to be baptized/confirmed (but I may be wrong).

Will there be any other "godparents" or just your OH, if the latter I would suspect an ulterior motive.

Angelf1sh · 25/04/2018 15:28

(Lady Mary wasn’t catholic but Tom’s brother was so it was fine. Apparently.)

neighneigh · 25/04/2018 15:30

The church /mosque will have a view but aside from that, you choose godparents on the basis of who you want to care for your children if anything happens to you. Mine is an atheist... And brilliant.

troodiedoo · 25/04/2018 15:35

You have to be Catholic to be a Catholic god parent.

But, my sil in USA had extra bonus god parents who were all sorts, including atheists. Only the official Catholic ones got a certificate.

troodiedoo · 25/04/2018 15:36

I'd also be keeping an eye on her!

tortelliniforever · 25/04/2018 15:38

My children were baptized Catholic and the priest wouldn't even accept other denominations of christianity e.g. C of E! I suppose whether she really means "godparent" or if she is talking about a non-religous naming ceremony.

Eatsleepworkrepeat · 25/04/2018 15:40

Has she invited you both to be godparents together, or just dh? Hmm

zzzzz · 25/04/2018 15:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

grasspigeons · 25/04/2018 15:46

as part of a baptism your partner would have to renounce satan and say he believed in jesus Christ as the only son of god
a god parent is really about supporting the childs faith journey

is it really a catholic ceremony she is having and not just wanting people do be their for here child

Original poster
captainbizz · 25/04/2018 15:57

Thanks for the responses..

To clear a couple of things up.

She didn't ask me to be a godparent, it would be DH and her best (female) friend.

She has one other DC and we went to their christening and it was a proper religious ceremony so I assume she wants the same for this Dc, not just a "blessing".

DH actually told me last night he has no interest in being godparent, but feels like he can't say no because it's an honour to be asked Hmm

I don't actually have any feelings of mistrust toward her or DH, I just sometimes get that (irrational) jealousy due to their shared history. They'll go for a long time without speaking but then she'll just pop up again, and she considers herself a really important person in his life. Whereas I honestly get the feeling he could take it or leave it (their friendship). He recently had a great achievement in his line of work and she was over social media saying how proud of him she is, it's silly but I feel like it's MY place to be proud IYSWIM.

I don't think there will a juicy reveal where actually DH is the father Grin (myself and DH are black, she is white so it would be quite obvious!)

DH definitely WOULDNT be up for declaring Jesus to be the true son of God, etc.

I just feel like the more I bring these things up the more it will seem like jealousy and I'm trying to put a spanner in the works maybe I am

OP posts:
grasspigeons · 25/04/2018 16:00

I think he needs to do a what an honour but 'no'
or even better, call and speak to the priest and get the priest to say 'no' on his behalf

Ginger1982 · 25/04/2018 16:06

Hmmm, I can't see him being an official godparent as in being involved in the ceremony but maybe unofficially?

Pantah630 · 25/04/2018 16:13

Zzzz I'm a godparent 4 times over to my Catholic godchildren, the priests, two different, were fine that I wasn't christened/baptised myself or a practicing Christian let alone a Catholic.

troodiedoo · 25/04/2018 16:20

Being a Muslim is a pretty good reason to politely decline an offer to be a Catholic god parent. Does he know what it involves? He has to promise to bring the child up in the Catholic faith. He literally can't do that.

Original poster
captainbizz · 25/04/2018 16:21

He literally can't do that

Exactly!
That's why he's a bit Confused and I'm a bit Hmm

OP posts:
TheIsland · 25/04/2018 16:24

CofE church staff here - we wouldn’t allow it due to the promises being made as godparent. Sometimes people ask but we recommend they find someone else and think of the person they wanted as someone who can be supportive in the child’s life in other ways instead

zzzzz · 25/04/2018 16:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Addy2 · 25/04/2018 16:57

I think he needs to politely decline. Many people view being a godparent as a huge commitment, so it'd shackle your DH to her in a very significant manner. It's not rude to say no to a very big ask.

NurseButtercup · 25/04/2018 17:12

The godparent request is a bit of a red herring.

The issue here is that your DH is very good friends with his ex-girlfriend, who is going to be a single parent very soon. She will potentially be leaning on your DH for support.

I'm going to be honest - I'm not sure how I would feel about my DH being at the beck and call of his ex-girlfriend. I think you may need to consider having a conversation with your DH to agree boundaries before the baby comes.

troodiedoo · 25/04/2018 17:18

I agree @NurseButtercup

zzzzz · 25/04/2018 17:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
captainbizz · 25/04/2018 17:30

Why did they split up

They wanted different things, she wanted to get married and have kids and he wasn't ready at that time. No bad blood.

OP posts:
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