Muslim godparent??

[captainbizz]

Ok so I name changed for this one as it is SO OUTING.

One of DH close friends happens to be his ex-gf. This is something that took me quite a while to get my head around but it's all fine now and I get on well with her.

For complete info, they were together 5 years from 22-27yo ish, had no children together, families are close etc. Been split up 6yrs, we've been together 4.

Ex-gf is pregnant but unfortunately her relationship broke down.
Last week she presented DH with a card, including a scan pic asking "will you be my godfather".

I now have really mixed emotions and can't tell if I'm being unreasonable simply because deep down I still have a niggle regarding them having such a good relationship (ok prepared to be told I just need to grow up) BUT he is also Muslim (she is catholic) so I didn't even think it was possible he could be a godparent??

When I mentioned this in a "oh, is that even possible?" Kind of way it was met with bewilderment from him (as he has no clue if he can as he knows very little about the Catholic Church) and side eye from her as if I was trying to spoil their special moment. She said "of course he can!"

Maybe I should've posted this in AIBU because I'm prepared to be told IABU...??

What do you think a Godparent IS?

What do you think a Godparent is? I was Godparent to a nephew, it consisted of giving a slightly better present to him than I would have otherwise, it certainly didn't mean I got involved in his upbringing. If his parents had died I'd have had a larger role, but luckily they didn't. If I'd had any idea of the responsibility involved in the event of the parents' deaths I'd never have agreed to being a godparent.

YANBU I had my daughter baptised last year with the Church of England and their requirement was all godparents have to have been baptised themselves (didn’t matter what church though as two were CoE and one was Catholic) but I don’t think Muslim’s do baptisms? Would require some research but her church should tell her what’s required.

But his spiritual needs were being met. I had no business interfering with that. The bit I didn't understand was that I'd have been lumbered with him if anything happened my DB and SiL.

have not rtft, but favour the early suggestion of getting your DH to consult the priest (or a priest)- someone who actually knows what christening and being a godparent really means. He will be told he cannot be a godparent (unless he is willing to abandon his faith or lie).
Just because some people think being a godparent means giving a slightly better birthday present or being some kind of guardian, doesn't make it true. Those people weren't paying attention in the baptism service.

I am a humanist but I think it's rather dishonest and disresepectful for people to make vows they don't understand and have no intention of honouring. I would politely decline any request to be a godparent, citing my non belief in god.

Isn't the most important thing here that HE doesn't want to do it but feels a sense of obligation and pressure to say yes? Maybe a polite I'm ever so flattered as you are a dear friend but I just can't commit to be able to take the role as seriously as I feel I should, sorry-with a side order of I'd feel uncomfortable as well from a faith point of view? Would that suffice?

@newtlover thank you ...as a Catholic, baptism is an important sacrement to me and it's really lovely to hear someone has bothered to look at what it is about and decide they can't take part in it. It's really respectful that you feel like that.

If I'd had any idea of the responsibility involved in the event of the parents' deaths I'd never have agreed to being a godparent.

Whenever there's a godparent thread on Mumsnet, I am amazed at how many people think that the main role of a godparent is to look after the child in the event of the parents' deaths. That isn't any part of it at all.

I'm a god mother (cofe) to a Catholic girl alongside 2 (Muslim) godfathers and a Catholic one. The ceremony was in the local cathedral and the priest knew everyone.

I don't understand why any sensible parent, who was a practicing Catholic, with understanding of the faith would choose a godparent who isn't of the same faith.

A Godparent should help the parents raise the child in the Catholic faith, which if you dont practice and ...you wouldnt be able to do.

The real issue is many parents who baptise their babies aren't really religious. Many do it to get the child into Catholic schools.

I remember when DD was making her first holy communion. The kid had to attend mass during the months before while preparing. They had to hand in a mass card as proof of attendance.

Some parents came late with their kids in time to hand in the mass cards and left after that.

They just go through the motions.

You choose the person - the ones you would trust your children with should the worst happen.

We have been written into the parents Will that we (DH and I) are to look after the children is something happened to both parents. Not something you decide on lightly.

You said that she wanted marriage and kids. Well by being the child's God Parent, your DP would be tied to her like a marriage and it sounds like she would make full use of this situation

this
agree with PP

zzzzz

I'm not actually a holier than thou Catholic who lives in the church ...but what's the point of dropping your child off to hand in a mass card like that. It's pointless and what does it teach them? To lie.

If they don't want to follow/practice the faith that's absolutely up to them...but my view is that to simply follow the motions is meaningless tbh.

Our parish priest says all children making their holy communion and confirmation candidates must attend mass as a requirement in preparation ...you either attend mass as required or you don't... and you don't have to make the sacrament.

Nobody is forced to make these sacraments. Its not a tick box exercise...at least it shouldn't be.

It was very sad when our priest said you see some children make their first holy communion and you never see them again.. until they come to make their confirmation

Then when he refuses to sign the priest's reference for school applications, stating you're a regular mass attendee... they get angry and say he's not a man of God.

The parents want the benefit of a Catholic education....
minus the religion. They know the chances of getting in a Catholic school from Reception or year 7 as a non Catholic are slim to none. As a school governor who has dealt with admissions ..we never get close to the non Catholic category.

My friend works in a school dealing with admissions and sees this regularly.

There's a very good school near me. It's a Sikh school. Achieves very highly. I'm not going to say I'm Sikh and pretend to practice by going to a Gurdwara just to get my children into that school. It's hypocrisy.

Easter and Christmas churchgoers don't bother me in the least. My teenagers are almost slipping into that category (as did I as a teenager) It's their choice.

As with PPs, I’m a godparent of a catholic child and I’m an agnostic atheist. Of course he can he be a godparent. There were no semantics about me being a ‘witness’. I was a full godparent and in the ceremony when they asked whether I believed in God etc I was silent.

There was a Canon presiding so you would expect they would be more strict. Also this was more than 20 years ago so I presume things are more relaxed than then.

I haven't RTFT, but the role and responsibility of godparents is to help the parents pass the (Catholic) Faith onto the child in question... so no, a Muslim cannot be godparent to a Catholic child.

"you choose godparents on the basis of who you want to care for your children if anything happens to you"... seems to be a common misapprehension about what godparents are actually for.

They are not legal guardians, they are responsible for the religious upbringing of the child.

You have to renounce the devil yada yada but he could lie doesn't really matter just different invisible people they worship.

Just to thoroughly kill the thread:

"So what’s the starting point, the minimum requirements, for a godparent? Canon law (can. 873 – 874) is quite clear:

At least one godparent is required; if there are two, one must be male and the other female.

No two godfathers or two godmothers allowed.

Typically a godparent must be mature, usually interpreted as a minimum of sixteen-years-old.

The godparent must be a practicing Catholic in good standing with the Church who has received the sacraments of holy Eucharist and confirmation and “leads a life in harmony with the faith and the role to be undertaken.”

The sponsor must not be the father or mother of the one to be baptized.

Under certain circumstances, such as mixed marriages, one may be a “Christian witness,” essentially defined as a baptized Protestant Christian, as long as the other is a practicing Catholic.

In case of an emergency baptism, such as imminent death, no sponsor is needed.

The godparent, as official representative of the community, is called to participate in the child’s spiritual development in a particular way.

Being a Muslim is a pretty good reason to politely decline an offer to be a Catholic god parent.

That's basically it, hey?

If I were him, I'd say of course I wasn't able to accept, because of the clash in religion, but I was enormously honoured to be asked and would love to be the secular version of a god parent to their DC. And then consider that to mean "cards on birthdays and Christmas" and not much else...