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Original poster

Muslim godparent??

98 replies

captainbizz · 25/04/2018 14:54

Ok so I name changed for this one as it is SO OUTING.

One of DH close friends happens to be his ex-gf. This is something that took me quite a while to get my head around but it's all fine now and I get on well with her.

For complete info, they were together 5 years from 22-27yo ish, had no children together, families are close etc. Been split up 6yrs, we've been together 4.

Ex-gf is pregnant but unfortunately her relationship broke down.
Last week she presented DH with a card, including a scan pic asking "will you be my godfather".

I now have really mixed emotions and can't tell if I'm being unreasonable simply because deep down I still have a niggle regarding them having such a good relationship (ok prepared to be told I just need to grow up) BUT he is also Muslim (she is catholic) so I didn't even think it was possible he could be a godparent??

When I mentioned this in a "oh, is that even possible?" Kind of way it was met with bewilderment from him (as he has no clue if he can as he knows very little about the Catholic Church) and side eye from her as if I was trying to spoil their special moment. She said "of course he can!"

Maybe I should've posted this in AIBU because I'm prepared to be told IABU...??

OP posts:
dirtybadger · 25/04/2018 19:26

Ugh. The posts about how proud she is. I would be Hmm at a spouse doing it publically (over your kids can be irritating but understandable), let alone your ex....weird!

midnightmisssuki · 25/04/2018 19:29

No unfortunately he can’t - a godparent needs to bring up the child in the faith and your husband is Muslim while he is Catholic. I very much doubt the priest will allow it....

offside · 25/04/2018 19:34

NRFT

I went to a Catholic baptism last year where one of the selected Godparents was Muslim. The priest told them, in front of a packed church, that he couldn’t be a Godparent as he wasn’t Catholic. He still stood up at the front with them but he didn’t do the ‘vows’ etc

SVRT19674 · 25/04/2018 19:36

I'm a Catholic. You used to need to be a baptised Catholic to be a godparent, now you need to be confirmed. The younger generations around me are baptised, first communion an married in the church but none are confirmed! I couldn't be godmother to my niece without a three month course for confirmation first, so there is no way in hell a non Christian can be godfather.

expatinscotland · 25/04/2018 19:36

I'd be upset with your DH not putting stricter boundaries in place.

Seryan · 25/04/2018 19:37

I'm Catholic & had both my children baptised. I was told I only needed one Catholic godparent who would be named on the certificate & I could have anyone else that I wanted as other godparents. It meant my DH who wasn't brought up Catholic could choose one of the godparents & I had a Catholic friend as the other.

SandyY2K · 25/04/2018 19:49

Well by being the child's God Parent, your DP would be tied to her like a marriage and it sounds like she would make full use of this situation

Exactly.

brownbananainthebowl · 25/04/2018 20:20

My husband and I are both catholic and and got our son baptised, my best friend is a Muslim (but not practising) and i really wanted her to be a godmother. When I asked the priest he said no but she can still be a 'witness'

Original poster
captainbizz · 25/04/2018 20:28

Thanks for all the responses. You've also made me realise I'm not completely crazy for feeling a little off with the godparent suggestion.
DH isn't keen on it anyway so I think I need to help steer him in the direction of his big girls pants 🙄🙄

OP posts:
Findingdotty · 25/04/2018 20:39

It wouldn’t be the right decision on his part to basically lie in front of everyone in the church and say he would help raise the child in the ways of God when he has no intention of doing so.
But also it would give him a permanent link to her and the child that could become wearing over time. She could also be rather insistent that he attends certain events and without a partner or father figure this list could be longer than the usual Godparent duties. Think sports days, school plays, nursery nativities, church events, sports matches, musical recitals, even trips out...I’d be weary.

expatinscotland · 25/04/2018 20:45

Yeah, I think she's angling on having him step in for Daddy duties. He needs to tell her no.

diodati · 25/04/2018 20:46

My XH is Catholic, I'm CoE. Our two DC were baptized as Catholics. They had 2 sets of godparents; one set Catholic, the other CoE. No "sponsorship".

troodiedoo · 25/04/2018 20:49

Good luck OP let us know if she tries any more nonsense.

2cats2many · 25/04/2018 20:49

As a Muslim, he has to be prepared in the ceremony to publicly declare that he believes in all kinds of Catholic things and promise to bring the baby up in the Catholic faith. He'll also have to make the sign of the cross on the baby's head.

If he's comfortable with this, then it's not really anybody's business what his own faith is.

2cats2many · 25/04/2018 20:52

Actually I just remembered that when I was godparent to a Catholic child I was obliged to show my own baptism certificate. I'm C of E, so christian. I don't think it would have been allowed without it. Luckily my dad found it in some old files.

Macarena1990 · 25/04/2018 20:56

Grasspigeons - no he is 100% a godfather, not a sponsor or witness. The church didn't question it but it may have helped that he has an english surname.

Another friend of mine is hindu and is godparent to a catholic boy - the ceremony took place at a catholic church.

zzzzz · 25/04/2018 21:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Macarena1990 · 25/04/2018 21:41

Maybe we slipped through the net then. We were not asked for our own baptism certicates and neither were the godparents.

TheVanguardSix · 25/04/2018 23:12

DD's godfather is Muslim. Although I believe the fact that he entered a Catholic church and agreed to the role is HUGE on his part. The deal was that we had to have at least one Catholic godparent, as opposed to two Muslim ones. Talk to your priest.
The Catholic godparent has been a letdown.
The Muslim godparent has been so beautifully dedicated. It's the person who embodies the role that matters, which is why we really wanted our Muslim friend to be DD's godfather. He did not partake in the Catholic prayers, which I would not have expected him to. And he did not repeat the reject satan malarkey. I always find it all so old fashioned. Anyway, this post is not about my opinions on my own faith.

TheVanguardSix · 25/04/2018 23:17

As a Muslim, he has to be prepared in the ceremony to publicly declare that he believes in all kinds of Catholic things and promise to bring the baby up in the Catholic faith. He'll also have to make the sign of the cross on the baby's head.

Not necessarily. The priest will not inflict the practices of the Catholic faith/traditions on the non-Catholic godparent. And it's only fair that the godparents meet with the priest beforehand so that they can discuss this. If they cannot meet in person, a talk on the phone or email exchange will do. Our Muslim godfather did, I think, put the sign of the cross on our daughter, but he said no prayers and there was nothing uncomfortable about this. It felt right. You do need one Catholic godparent.

TheVanguardSix · 25/04/2018 23:20

And keep in mind, it really is up to the individual priest. Ours was exceptionally cool. He left the parish sadly. And the next one to come along (and baptised DS2) would not have permitted a non-Catholic. He was a real stick in the mud, didn't stray from the rules, very old school Catholic. DS2's baptism wasn't nearly as joyful as DD's. The priest, ultimately, calls the shots.

Pinkprincess1978 · 25/04/2018 23:40

I'm god parent to two catholic children and yes I'm god parent not a witness. I was asked the to make exactly the same promises as the other catholic god parent. For the second child one of the other god parents is Buddhist. The priest was happy so long as 1 god parent was catholic.

However my CofE vicar wouldn't let me have someone who wasn't christened for my child (a few years later he let her be god mother for someone else though which is disappointing).

zzzzz · 26/04/2018 00:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Juells · 26/04/2018 07:28

The Catholic godparent has been a letdown.

Since you're here and posting, I'm a bit befuddled as to what you think the godparent should be doing. Are you not capable of looking after your own child's welfare without input from a godparent?

TeisanLap · 26/04/2018 07:31

HOW could a Muslim promise to help bring up a child in the Christian faith??? confused

Just the same way Christians can have Muslim children and still be able to bring them up as Muslims.

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