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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Expected to leave home and my partner

92 replies

AmandaJ1995 · 21/02/2018 01:14

I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years now and we are expecting our first child together, however social services became involved in September/October (I found out I was pregnant in August, already 2 months pregnant) I found out yesterday that I now need to leave my home (preferably with a family member or friend who can help me with my son as social worker requested) but I am due to give birth in just under 3 weeks and they are unsure if my son will be safe from harm if I bring him home as they say my boyfriend has unprodictable behaviour because he snapped once with the social worker... Is this fair?

OP posts:

MooseBeTimeForSnow · 21/02/2018 01:19

So why did Social Services get involved?

Shoxfordian · 21/02/2018 05:13

Snapped?
Was he violent towards you?

TheButterflyOfTheStorms · 21/02/2018 05:36

Why was the SW there in the first place?

SavvyBlancBlonde · 21/02/2018 05:50

in all seriousness, just do it. Don't muck around. I have a very good friend who is a SW and this is not something that they would take lightly. They have said this for a reason. Leave the house, or get him to leave for a while and take that time to prove to the SW that it was a one off snap at them. Although there would have been a reason for a SW to be there in the first place - I'm not saying that it was a sinister reason just that SW don't pop into visit everyone. They say it is because of his unpredictable behaviour - is he prone to sudden anger? Dos he suffer mentally with stress? Something has either been reported or has happened for your BF to be flagged on SW radar.

Meanwhile, just move out or let him move, just until it is sorted.

nooka · 21/02/2018 06:00

It's not fair that you have to move out when it's your boyfriend that is considered to be a threat to your child. Why has he not said he would move out and taken steps to reassure your SS team like getting counseling or similar steps. Why were you originally referred to SS (I'm assuming the snapping happened whilst they were doing their assessment)?

flumpybear · 21/02/2018 06:03

Sounds strange why were social services there?
Why would a grown man snap at social services?
More details please

CobraKai · 21/02/2018 06:23

I think there's a lot more to this than you're saying.

ApacheEchidna · 21/02/2018 06:41

Watch out - you are in danger of this getting worse.

This is not happening "because he snapped once with the social worker." - you are clearly minimising and excusing some dangerous behaviour. Social Services simply so not have time to get involved in situations where children are not genuinely at risk. If you cannot see the danger that SS can see, then you are also going to be a danger yourself as your judgement is not reliable.

Take this seriously. Do what SS say you need to. Put your child first.

Olicity17 · 21/02/2018 06:54

Why were social services there?

I have had 2 children and was never visited by a social worker. Its not something that happens as standard.

There is also no way you are being forced to move because he snapped at the social worker. There is more to this and unless you face up to it, you wint get anywhere.

Quartz2208 · 21/02/2018 07:28

If they think your son is in danger then of course it’s fair

I suspect there is a lot you are not saying but yes social services can do that and they can remove your children if you don’t follow what they ask

WillowWept · 21/02/2018 07:30

If you want people to give advice you need to be honest about what has happened

HughLauriesStubble · 21/02/2018 07:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AuntieStella · 21/02/2018 07:43

Presumably, you are the one who has to move because you are living in his place at the moment? Or has he refused to move out?

SW would not be telling you that he is unsafe round DC to the extent that you need to live separately unless there were extremely serious underlying concerns. I can easily see why you might not want to post about them, even though that limits considerably what we can usefully say.

mumofplenty1 · 21/02/2018 07:43

I had social services involved. At the time my husband had to move out of the family home until they done an assessment on him. Fast forward a few months. Me and kids ended up in a refuge in a total different area hundreds of miles away and had to really prove that I could protect my children from future harm. You have to decide what path you walk down, a path with your partner or a path with your child. At the time I thought social services was poking there nose in, now I couldn't thank them enough :)

NaiceBiscuits · 21/02/2018 07:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bluntness100 · 21/02/2018 07:48

Is there maybe some parts of this story missing? Why did they become involved in thr first place, what do you define as snapped.

They clearly feel your child will not be safe. As such I suggest you do as requested.

Notallthat · 21/02/2018 07:57

Did SS tell you the reason? Or is that his side of things?
There is definitely more to this, if he has previous children it may be something to do with them. If SS are unable to tell you it may be worth putting in a Sarahs law and a Clares law request at your local police station. Do exactly what SS advise you to do, they are doing it for your childs safety and they need to know you take the risk seriously too.

SparklyMagpie · 21/02/2018 08:01

So there's more to this story then

Is he the reason they were involved in the first place?

expatinscotland · 21/02/2018 08:04

Well, if your boyfriend owns the home they can't exactly tell him to leave. Your boyfriend is violent. You need to get away from him.

k2p2k2tog · 21/02/2018 08:04

I think there's a lot more to this than you're saying

Of course there is. But OP will be back saying what a lovely chap he is, wouldn't hurt a fly, the SS referral was malicious, they're out to get her, out to split them up, just want her baby to meet their adoption targets etc etc etc.

blueskyinmarch · 21/02/2018 08:06

I am a social worker and have been 'snapped' at countless times by clients. I never asked and mother's to leave with their children because of this - i understand that our presence often makes people anxious and snappy. I get the feeling you are minimising some fairly serious violent behaviour from your partner. Why were SS involved in the first place?

My advice is to do as you have been advised. If they don' think you can prioritise your child and keep him safe then they will have to act and remove him from your care and i feel certain you want to avoid that. Have you got family you can go and stay with?

MatildaTheCat · 21/02/2018 08:11

A boyfriend who cannot hold it together for even the duration of a SW visit has very low boundaries indeed. A person losing their temper during a visit is considered (or was in my career working with vulnerable pregnant women) to be very high risk.

However, we need more info to comment. If your baby is due imminently you really do need to act. There is a high chance SS won’t want you to go back there with a newborn and if you don’t take steps now to address that they might start making arrangements for your baby.

But there is no need for that. Do as they ask.

expatinscotland · 21/02/2018 08:13

'Have you got family you can go and stay with?'

What do people expect a person to do if they don't have anyone they can stay with? I'm truly amazed in 2018 that this is trotted out so often.

GnotherGnu · 21/02/2018 08:15

Why can't your boyfriend leave the house? Does he not accept that it would be better for his child to be able to come back there with you, at least till he manages to satisfy the SW that he doesn't present any danger?

notacooldad · 21/02/2018 08:19

'Have you got family you can go and stay with?'

What do people expect a person to do if they don't have anyone they can stay with? I'm truly amazed in 2018 that this is trotted out so often.

I assumed that line was a starting point to find out what support the OP has. Depending on OPs answer determines the advice the person will give next.

No need to be picky when people are trying to help.

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