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Original poster

whats the general opinion on lap dancing bars?

125 replies

howdoifeel · 08/04/2007 12:05

I'm upset. My DH and me had an alcohol fuelled conversation last night, some truths came out, we had a laugh, had some lovely sex and fell asleep. Today I feel horrible. I can't speak to him or look him in the eye, I practically ran away when he came near me.

He told me he has been to lap dancing bars. Now, I don't actually have a problem with that. I sometimes watch porn with him, I find it amusing and funny and it gets us both horny . I don't really see the harm in men watching girls with gorgeous bodies dancing. I don't really see it as a betrayal or that something is wrong within a relationship.

He travels a lot with work and holds a senior position. I know it comes as part of the package to entertain and be entertained and when it gets late the party might end up in a casino and you might have to bet some cash you would not normally do or visit a lap bar where you might not normally go.

So why do I feel sick?
Why do I feel hurt?
Why do I feel disgusted with him that he's had girls boobs in his face while I've been sleeping or walking the floor with our children?
How can I get this sorted in my head?

He has gone out briefly so I don't have long and my post might not make sense.

Am I overreacting?
In shock?

My already slightly waning confidence has been shattered.

OP posts:
Nbg · 10/04/2007 15:15

so why go at all then?
Just to lure over some women they dont know in bikinis?

I think its a load of rubbish. Men go for one reason only. Not for a laugh.

nailpolish · 10/04/2007 15:15

nbg its just a lads thing

northerner · 10/04/2007 15:15

We have a lap dancing club in the town wher I live. As we also have a huge conference centre our lpa dancing club during town conferences is packed WITH CONFERENCE DELEGATES. sORRY FOR CAPS.

I have said before and will say it again, I know what lots of married men get up to on conferences.

The OP's dh has been honest, that means alot to me, and should also to teh OP.

nailpolish · 10/04/2007 15:16

they dont lure
not all of them

nailpolish · 10/04/2007 15:17

id rather dh went to a lapdancing club on a stag night than a casino tbh

nbg if you arent sure why dont yuou go along with dh one night
loads of women do
but i wouldnt personally go with my dh

Nbg · 10/04/2007 15:24

Dh wouldnt go to one

If they dont go to lure or have a lapdance then, why do they go?

Surely there are milions of other pubs to go to?
I just really dont get the whole thing. A lapdancing bar to me is about men going to get off or have a cheap perv by just watching. If they dont want to do that then why go in there at all.

HoppyDaddy · 10/04/2007 15:26

They are too expensive.

northerner · 10/04/2007 15:27

I went with my dh for his birthday wilt a group of friends. It was fun, and I probably would go again.

I think men go because they enjoy it. Thye like to see attractive girls wearing next to nothing and they are guaranteed to see that in a lapdancing club, plus teh girls in question will talk to them rather than telling them to fuck off as would probably happen in real life!

Nbg · 10/04/2007 15:30

Right then. So they do go to see women in next to nothing then.

That is what I'd be cross at.

amijee · 10/04/2007 15:31

oh dear - the old exploitation lines are coming out.

I acknowledge that SOME girls in SOME clubs are very vulnerable and exploited.

However, the girls in the high end bars ( as well as high end porn, high end prostitution) make EXTREMELY good money and are very much in control of what they are doing and why.

As an earlier poster said - surely it's better than infedility or prostitution - both of which are fairly common.

I think the key is honesty here. I am very upset with my dh at the moment as he is secretly smoking - to me that is as bad as secretly going to a lap bar - the key is in SECRETLY.

oliveoil · 10/04/2007 15:32

dh has been to one with his friends

doesn't bother me at all

(once, his friend was trying to chat up some woman and they got talking about a club and he was thinking he was the bees knees and she said "oh I remember that one, my mum used to go there". ROFL. Ego deflated)

northerner · 10/04/2007 15:33

Did you need me to tell you that?!!!!! It's not rocket science is it?

oliveoil · 10/04/2007 15:33

I think she was about 19 so half his age

nob

northerner · 10/04/2007 15:34

that was to nbg btw.

oliveoil · 10/04/2007 15:35

harrumph

Londonmamma · 10/04/2007 15:35

So it's OK because 'they like to see attractive girls wearing next to nothing'? How do you feel about the next step, which is prostitution?

nailpolish · 10/04/2007 15:37

LOL

there is a big difference between paying to look at a woman and paying to shag her/stick your cock in her mouth/etc

northerner · 10/04/2007 15:37

I keep x posting Olive - not being rude to you honest!!!!

We need folk like you on here. Everyone else will be burning their bra's soon

To Londonmamma - so if a mna visits a lap dancing club he'll be shagging a prostitute next will he?

I don't think so.

oliveoil · 10/04/2007 15:40

dh's friend spends a lot of time going to one, but he is single. And I have told him he is a saddo and has receeding hair and NOT ONE of them are interested in him. But it is his money, more fool him.

Dh says I look better than any of the women in them anyway (and yes, I am sure he is lying but who am I to argue?).

Londonmamma · 10/04/2007 15:42

Northerner - it's incremental. If you feel it's
OK for an unknown woman to rub her scantily clad body over you for money, aren't you MORE likely to want to progress to the logical next step?

Nbg · 10/04/2007 15:46

It was just someone was saying that men dont always go to look at women. I thought that was a daft thing to say because thats the only reason men go!

northerner · 10/04/2007 15:50

Of course men go to look at women. The men who go regualrly alone are a bit of a worry if they are merried. But the infrequent attendees such as stag do's/birthdays are OK I think.

Don't buy the progression to prostitutes though.

I smoke silk cut, will I end up smoking a joint? I like a G&T will I become an alchoholic?

Olive, my dh tells me I look bettre than the strippers too! You're right, who are we to argue?

Nbg · 10/04/2007 15:52

Sorry LM but I can't agree with the progression to prostitution. That is a bit much.

I cant grasp why women are ok with their partners going though.

oliveoil · 10/04/2007 15:53

as far as I know dh has been maybe 5 times over the 11 years we have been together so a non event imo

and has not had any fanjo over his face that I am aware of anyway

or visited a prostitute

northerner · 10/04/2007 15:57

I trust my husband 100%. I know he loves and lusts after me. Why would I be bothered if he went to a lap dancing club?