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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Does my DH fancy my friend?

97 replies

revolution909 · 19/09/2017 12:32

Maybe you remember my older thread. This is my closest friend, they have a close friendship too. yesterday we went out for drinks the whole evening was somewhat convoluted , but when we got home he said "she's actually good looking, and she knows how to dress too, maybe you should ask her for some tips". WTH???? he claims it was supposed to mean something else, but whatever. Now I'm fairly convinced he likes her in that way.

OP posts:
Offred · 19/09/2017 12:35

The more pertinent question is 'why are you with a man who speaks to you like that?' TBH...

HailLapin · 19/09/2017 12:36

Who cares if he fancies your mate? He's a twat and he's going out of his way to bring you down rather than be a good partner.

Why are you with this creature?

hellsbellsmelons · 19/09/2017 12:37

Wow - that comment is shocking.
What's your situation?
Kids?
How long have you been together?

meltingmarshmallows · 19/09/2017 12:38

Was your other thread about losing your best friend to your DH?

If so, I'm not sure why you're still with him / posting about it. There was tons of advice about how unacceptable his behaviour is there which was seemingly ignored. This sounds like more of the same and more weird / childish commenting on looks.

QueenBeex · 19/09/2017 12:40

What a hurtful thing to say!

Original poster
revolution909 · 19/09/2017 12:41

At this point I just laughed . I'm not insecure at all , I know I'm fairly attractive, so gain I have no idea where this is coming from. I'm still in shock She not bad looking it's true, she has a beautiful face , but I'm smokin' hot!

OP posts:
Offred · 19/09/2017 12:43
Hmm

Alright then, carry on... Confused

Original poster
revolution909 · 19/09/2017 12:46

@meltingmarshmallows yes that's right. But things improved massively. No real argument whatsoever Seriously the past 4-6 weeks were pretty blissful. I had a crisis, he handled it pretty well. It turned out my friend was acting funny because of her severe depression and we're trying to get her out of the hole. but now I have this? I genuinely don't care if he likes her, good for him, I like other men too.

OP posts:
meltingmarshmallows · 19/09/2017 12:47

@revolution909 then I have no idea what you're asking?

Carry on with your relationship and humble attitude Hmm

Threenme · 19/09/2017 12:48

Couple goals!!!ConfusedGrin

HailLapin · 19/09/2017 12:49

I think I'll "unwatch" this thread.

Guiltybystander · 19/09/2017 12:49

Are you smokin' hot because other people (including your husband) say so or is it only you who is saying this?

Original poster
revolution909 · 19/09/2017 12:50

I'm just flabbergasted of how he's so open about it? i've had crushes in the past, but they've always remained secret!

OP posts:
SeamusMacDubh · 19/09/2017 12:51

OP you sound like you have a really strange attitude towards your relationship and "friend". All your really modest comments about how attractive you are just smack of insecurity.

If you've posted about your relationship before and received advice you can act on then I don't know why you're posting again about the same issue? You're kidding yourself if you think that your problems have sorted themselves out. You're entering into the cycle of

He does something to make you feel shit
You argue/air your issues
4 weeks go by where things seem fine/better
He does something to make you feel shit
You argue/air your issues...

Original poster
revolution909 · 19/09/2017 12:53

i don't need anyone to tell me, but yeah other people tell me so. The point of that comment is that he can't bring me down on it. I'm not insecure in that way, so he accomplishes nothing.

OP posts:
PJsAndProsecco · 19/09/2017 12:59

oh sweet moses. This thread will be as pointless as the previous one. You won't leave him so what's the point in posting when you're saying you don't care what he does anyway?! If I was convinced my DH fancied another woman, especially a "friend" of mine, I'd be doing something about it, not saying I didn't care...

SandyY2K · 19/09/2017 12:59

I'm not sure how else he could have meant it tbh.

I'd be tempted to say something similar about a good looking man. Just to give him a taste of his own medicine.

Guiltybystander · 19/09/2017 13:05

It is not a question of how confident -full of yourself- you are. It is a question of your husband finding someone more attractive than you and rubbing it in your face.
You can be the most confident -full of yourself- person in the world if you are being replaced by someone else.

Original poster
revolution909 · 19/09/2017 13:08

We're both on counselling (separate btw) and so far it's been going great. He comes early one day so I can go to my running club, supports me with my extremely demanding marathon training . We're gonna get some cats, it's been genuinely like all my Christmases at once. I've never been firm with him before, until now, and it's been working.

OP posts:
Threenme · 19/09/2017 13:11

Yeah it's working fab- you're saying he's after your mate and you don't care! You need to collar your therapist for a refund!

Brahms3rdracket · 19/09/2017 13:14

Really, more drama re. friend and dh??? Is he still a sex pest op? Your marriage is disfunctional, but I'm not convinced you don't like it that way.

Offred · 19/09/2017 13:14

Ok... you've now posted twice about the same issue but there is no problem and everything is fine... him speaking to you like shit is fine... him blatantly obsessing over your friend is fine... everything is fine....

So why post about it twice?

Original poster
revolution909 · 19/09/2017 13:17

I'm a firm believer we're all free to make our own decisions. If he decides to go and do whatever it's HIS decision, not mine. I cannot control who he is attracted to and viceversa.

OP posts:
Offred · 19/09/2017 13:18

No, but you are being incredibly passive in your relationship....

He can just keep on treating you like crap until he leaves? don't you want more than that for yourself?

bluit · 19/09/2017 13:18

I think it's great how well suited you and your DH are.

You obviously have some sort of understanding that no one else gets.