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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Does my DH fancy my friend?

97 replies

revolution909 · 19/09/2017 12:32

Maybe you remember my older thread. This is my closest friend, they have a close friendship too. yesterday we went out for drinks the whole evening was somewhat convoluted , but when we got home he said "she's actually good looking, and she knows how to dress too, maybe you should ask her for some tips". WTH???? he claims it was supposed to mean something else, but whatever. Now I'm fairly convinced he likes her in that way.

OP posts:
Original poster
revolution909 · 19/09/2017 17:11

Hormones didn't work for me, I'm still recovering from a progesterone trial. My condition is not very nice it basically makes my mental health go to ZERO out of nowhere. Episodes like the one I'm having only last 24 hrs though. Obsessive thinking make you sound melodramatic. usually the idea is to keep busy, but the thoughts are usually stronger so it's hard to do anything else. So yes, that's why i sound deranged , because a few day a month I guess I am :/

OP posts:
SonicBoomBoom · 19/09/2017 17:17

Well, maybe he's fed up with you thinking you're smoking hot and too good looking for him, and he's trying to tell you that you're not All That.

But don't worry, your best friend's DH was getting boners over you on your holiday...

So, as I said on your last thread, just swap husbands, and then everyone's a winner.

Seeyamonday · 19/09/2017 17:25

Maybe best not to to come on here and lay yourself bare when you feel like this OP. If it is indeed a MH concern then you have my sympathies. You've said it's best to keep busy so go find something else to do. I mean that kindly, I'm afraid with your past thread and some of the things you're saying on here sympathy and empathy will be hard to find!!

Original poster
revolution909 · 19/09/2017 17:33

Yes, I'm not having a good day. My mind is all over the place, just like this thread. My husband is really good at just listening my on and on ranting and "insightfulness" but today is about him so.... By tomorrow this symptom should go away.

OP posts:
Whocansay · 19/09/2017 17:34

Your husband is a controlling arsehole who fancies your mate and likes to rub your nose in it. But getting some cats is going make it all better. Really?!?!?!

You had lots of good advice on your previous thread that you are clearly choosing to ignore. All the relationships within this group sound unhealthy and you would be better to distance yourself from this other couple.

Original poster
revolution909 · 19/09/2017 17:43

The point of the cats is that he's allergic to them, so he's never wanted any, but we've found a solution that works and he went for it! A couple of years ago (even months!) that wouldn't have happened.I get that our relationship with the other couple is not normal. and yes, there's attraction, and maybe we've crossed a few lines , but is there no way to work around it? That left aside, we're proper good friends it would be a shame to let it die, just because we were all acting like teenagers.

OP posts:
CobwebKitten · 19/09/2017 17:45

Always have a mirror-response ready.

"Yeah, she's gorgeous isn't she? It's like that friend of yours, Jim, god he's lovely. You should go to the gym with him, he'd give you some tips on sorting your dadbod out, get you dressing a bit less like a middle-aged politician. And he's always smiling and he's kind, too, I think kindness is so sexy... oh, sorry, you were talking about Chelsea or something?" gaze off into distance

And make sure yours has a little more spice than his.

"Your friend's fit, ask her for tips."
"Your workmate lasts longer in bed."

Original poster
revolution909 · 19/09/2017 17:49

CobwebKitten that's what i did. I can't even remember what i said... but it was in the lines of... " he's a stylish man and he told you not to cut your hair... "

OP posts:
Adora10 · 19/09/2017 18:13

A mirrored response, so basically tit for tat, how about saying who the fuck are you talking to me like that, piss off and don't come back.

OP, get rid, the man has zero respect for you, regardless of your other issues.

rainbowduck · 19/09/2017 18:27

OP, my only thought after reading your two threads are that (virtually) strutting around like a peacock when you are so incredibly unsure of yourself, only confirms my impression that you have an incredibly low level of self worth. Take pride in yourself, of course, but the impression you want to portray to the outside world isn't indicative of reality and more people who are out of their teens have come to realize that.

Until you gain some real (and not cosmetic) sense of self worth, any issues will not go away.

Do not get a cat.

I don't know whether to give you a virtual hug or a virtual slap around the chops with a wet fish.

I guess the hug is the kindest option...

So

PJsAndProsecco · 19/09/2017 18:28

Again with the hinting at a very weird relationship with these friends. You "crossed lines" and "acted like teenagers"

So incestuous Confused

Original poster
revolution909 · 19/09/2017 19:13

PJsAndProsecco I get this now. I'm trying to figure out if there's any way to savage it.

rainbowduck thanks for the hug. I've had a horrible day :/

OP posts:
Thefullmoon · 19/09/2017 20:06

so your friend I remember is big busted with a beautiful face and they are best friends.........and you think you have nothing to worry about because you think you are hot? Hmmmmm.....

Hullygully · 19/09/2017 20:07

You are really really really really bats.

Notearsgoodbye · 19/09/2017 20:09

The simplest thing to do would be to just stop seeing your friends. Why don't you try it for a couple of months?

babycow38 · 19/09/2017 20:44

Drama Llamas the lot of you, ffs x

Gemini69 · 19/09/2017 21:05

If it doesn't bother you... why are you ASKING on here OP ?? go be happy the 3 of you.... YAWN

Offred · 19/09/2017 21:46

Have you ever wondered whether you actually have MH issues or whether you just periodically reconnect with the reality that your relationship with your h is messed up and you feel like you are going crazy?

Your relationship does seem messed up, what has happened today doesn't strike me as 'obsessive thoughts' it strikes me as a rare moment of clarity that has given you thoughts you spend a lot of time avoiding...

Original poster
revolution909 · 19/09/2017 22:21

I haven't been thinking about my husband as much as the bizarre (to say the least) relationship we have between the 4 of us. That is clear. i do have MH/Hormonal issues though. Fully diagnosed by different specialists

OP posts:
ispentitwithyou1 · 19/09/2017 22:25

You fancy her husband don't you?

Original poster
revolution909 · 19/09/2017 22:42

ispentitwithyou1 not really, but it dawned to me that what i thought was just being "playful" could be seen as pretty flirty. I thought that's just how we got along, but I'm starting to see how everything is so weird.

OP posts:
OliviaBenson · 19/09/2017 22:44

Please do not get cats. Pets require a lifetime commitment. Your marriage is in no state to offer that.

SummerflowerXx · 19/09/2017 22:52

Oh dear, I gave a lot of advice on the other thread, but I think it is as simple as both of you fancy the opposite sex person in the friendship couple - and as for anything else, you have a reply for pretty much every piece of sensible advice to get your own life back.

TatianaLarina · 19/09/2017 23:11

I remember you, with the sexually abusive obese husband.

We did all tell you he fancied her.

Original poster
revolution909 · 19/09/2017 23:14

In the previous thread, there was no counselling involved, now there is. I think that's definitely positive change. My therapist is specialised in people with my condition and one of the main things we work on is real vs not real. Which has helped a lot.

OP posts:
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