Anyone else have zero/nada/zilch close friends?

[Bonosbiatch]

Just that really. I'm 36 and a mum to a toddler. My line of work doesn't lend itself to forming close friendships. I would just love a couple of friends to do things with - not just acquaintances but the sort of friends that you can rely on and connect with. Not sure if that makes sense. How does one even make friends in your 30s/40s?? 😂

To add, by close friends, I mean the type that you can text funny/inappropriate stuff to, go for drinks/shopping with and just genuinely take a real interest in each other's lives. I'm sick of having superficial flakey friendships and where we'll meet a couple of times a year as and when it suits. I just don't know if I'm asking for too much 😂

No, friends are overrated imho.

They always want you to do things for them when I'm already busy doing something else and to be honest I have far too much stuff of my own to deal with without having to consider anyone else. Also if I buy wine its for me . I don't want to buy wine to have to share it with someone else. I'm very selfish, even I'm surprised I have kids and a husband.

I have no idea how you can make friends. Maybe join a club of some sort or go to the local leisure centre and go to some sort of class?

Some friends can definitely be overrated 😊 I just really miss having a couple of best girlfriends to be a part of things with. My husband is good company but I can't exactly go girly shopping with him, or get plastered and debate the finer points of Kit Harrington.

You meet people by joining in social activities, and then if you get on with someone, a friendship can gradually grow.

I also have a couple of toddlers. I am pretty out of touch with my friends. I can't do half the stuff / any if the stuff I used to. I can't even talk on the phone at a time that suits them as I'm now on baby schedule.

I also have an older son so I've experienced that this passes and suddenly you will have a social life again.

It does feel like I have no friends sometimes.

I think it's really difficult as you get older. Unless you see people all the time like you do at school/university or in work, if you happen to find people you click with there, you just don't spend enough actual time with other people to get to know them well enough. I know a few people that I count as friends, met through dc school, and could be closer friends with them (I hope!) But just don't spend enough time with them to get to know them better than I do. Then old friends I now see so rarely - we live so far apart. Friendship when you're older takes massive investment of regular contact, which is so difficult to achieve when life is so busy with dc, work, home.

So my advice is basically if you do meet people you think could be good friends, invest the time in making regular contact, arranging to do things. Should take my own advice really!

I have a few good friends but no very very close ones. DP is my best friend. Im happy.

Can you not find some soulmates amongst the other mums? I couldn't have got through the toddler years without the friends I made at playgroups and school. Now kids are older we still have nights out weekends away play dates with wine. Friends that live 2 hours away hopeless you need ones that live round the corner.

I don't really have close friends, I have one friend that I meet up with once a month (at the most ) and a family member who I visit and message. I am 35 and single. I don't find it hard talking to people but find it hard to keep friends.

Me. Apart from dh and my siblings I socialise with no-one. I have two school aged dc but because I work I don't do the school run thankfully; however, because I don't have a permanent place of work I don't get close to colleagues either.

I had a best friend for a while but she got a new job and moved away 6 years ago, just as ds was born, and I've not heard a peep from her since.

I don't really talk to my neighbours so don't do that come-over-for-a-cuppa thing.

I can't say I feel that lonely though. I like being on my own and am not very good at small talk or with being helpful and giving advice so I don't think I am good friend material. The only time I wish I had friends is when I'm on my own with my dc day after day after day. Meeting up with a friend would break up the monotony a bit.

It would just be great to have someone to chat to and get a different perspective from. I work long hours and so toddler mum socialising is a bit unlikely. Also, as bad as this sounds, I'd quite like to not end up talking about toddlers 😂 I know you might not necessarily do so, but there's a distinct possibility!

Now I just need to find a gig going, music loving, comedy fanatic/game of thrones geek who likes champagne, bitching, Botox, spa breaks and box set watching 😂👌🏻

My husband is my friend and he's literally the only one I have. I have attempted to form friendships with a couple of people over the years with no success. Each time, everything was always about them. No thanks. Real friendships go both ways.

Aqua, I get that. I have one friend who really only sees me if everything is completely on her terms. Can't be fucked with that at all.

I've got 3 really close, good friends (I know, I'm lucky) but they're not people I've met recently. 2 are university friends, so we've known each other since we were 18 (!) and the other one I met at an evening class about 25 years ago. To be honest, I don't want/need any more friends! But I agree that it's more difficult to make friends, the older you get.

I don't really have any close friends by choice, I like to keep them at arms lengths since having kids, I can not be done with having to make arrangements that suit everybody, being obligated to text and call people. I'm happy with my family at the moment, that may change but I'm happy as I am.
I have met a few ladies through play centres and just seeing the same faces at the local park over time you become friends, might be a idea for you.

I don't have any close friends either. Luckily I like the company of my DH and his family, and I really like my own company. I work in a very buzzy part of London, chock full of restaurants and bars, lots of great cafes with alfresco tables etc. I always go out for a walk at lunchtime and I see women having lunch with their mates and I do get a pang then, thinking I wish I had somebody to go out with at lunchtime to go somewhere nice. But that is the only time I think about it - I am very self sufficient and independent so I don't feel the lack. I think it does get harder when you get older too.

Besides, you are all my friends aren't you? Aren't you???!!

I've got one. Sometimes I'd like more (she has 3 ) but y'know I'm not really sure I've got time in reality and as you say it's hard. Then lots of uni/ ex friends/ workmates/ superficial friends.

Nope. Just DH. I'm a massive introvert and really struggle with making friends. Once I have friends I lose contact really easily as I don't want to bother them.

This makes me sad

Hey ladies same here

I blame Sex and the City indoctrinating me with the notion that I'd have at least 3 best friends for life. Bastards.

No idea, but I hear you. I have loads of friends, but they all have their own inner circles that I'm not part of. It is really hard with a toddler though, plus working means it's hard to take the time to build the friendships in the first place. So many close friendships rely on shared history that takes years to build up - many people are not open to that sort of sharing when they hit their 30s.

Why is there not a non creepy online way of locating and contacting potential friends?? ' 'Frinder' if you will... 😂

It's the thought of, I'd like a night out with the girls. Oh, I don't have any 😂 Norma no mates!!!

I feel exactly the same way! I was even about to write a post about this. I have one close friend (she's really close), but she's also incredibly close to DH, so basically i can't talk about him! Apart from her I have zero friends, and it odes get very lonely

Well I'm now officially your friend Revolution! 😂 my husband has actual friends. How bloody dare he?!