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Relationships

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Original poster

Anyone else have zero/nada/zilch close friends?

97 replies

Bonosbiatch · 15/08/2017 16:53

Just that really. I'm 36 and a mum to a toddler. My line of work doesn't lend itself to forming close friendships. I would just love a couple of friends to do things with - not just acquaintances but the sort of friends that you can rely on and connect with. Not sure if that makes sense. How does one even make friends in your 30s/40s?? 😂

OP posts:

user7841794168 · 15/08/2017 20:37

I have a few good friends but no very very close ones. DP is my best friend. Im happy.

I always feel a little sad when I read comments like this. It's fine having your DP/DH as your best friend until something happens and you end up single.

Timefortea99 · 15/08/2017 20:37

Bonosbiatch Friender is a good idea. A business opportunity for you or somebody reading!

TwatteryFlowers · 15/08/2017 20:38

Is there any way you could join a club or take up some sort of hobby? As I said upthread I don't have friends either but I do go to camera club once a week and am on several related fb groups so, if I was braver and more bothered about audit making friends, that would be one way to do it. Would something like that work for you? It would get you away from talking toddler, too!

paulapantsdown · 15/08/2017 20:41

My close friends have become acquaintances over the last few years. I'm not anyone's priority- it would be nice to have someone who really wanted to spend time with me rather than just being one a group and being the one just tagging along. The "friends" I do have mean a lot more to me than I do to them.

Original poster

Bonosbiatch · 15/08/2017 20:41

Now if only I knew how to create an app...

OP posts:

HappyGirl86 · 15/08/2017 20:41

OP I could have written your exact post and I know how you feel! I also have a toddler and I really wish I had some close genuine friends.

sonjadog · 15/08/2017 20:45

You can´t advertise for a friend or go out on purpose to find a friend. It doesn´t work like that. Really, you need to find a common experience, be it a hobby or work or whatever, and then gradually you find you get on well and have common interests, and you begin to talk about other stuff, and then you arrange to meet outside of the usual activity. It can´t be rushed. If you rush it, you end up meeting people who are desperate for friends and take anyone - and they are often the people who don´t make good friends, that´s why going out to find a friend isn´t a good idea.

Original poster

Bonosbiatch · 15/08/2017 20:46

That's the key thing - lots of us are unhappily in this situation and yet there's no easy way to get out of it. Most similar threads to this have ended with a 'Yeah, it's a shitter, but what can we do about it?'. There must be a simple solution somehow...

OP posts:

revolution909 · 15/08/2017 20:47

sonjadog that has been my experience. Friendships that last naturally flourish.

RhubardGin · 15/08/2017 20:48

I have 4 really close friends, I would be lost without them but I do feel extremely lucky.

My OH also has a group of really decent good friends so we have a great social life.

I love that we have a great balance between "us" time and then time with friends together and seperately.

For posters who say their OH/DH is their only friend or source of company, do you ever worry that if your relationship were to end you would be alone?

I don't mean to sound disrespectful, sorry if it comes across that way!

OP, I met my closest friends in my adult years, 3 through work and 1 at a hen party and we just clicked and been best friends for years!

PurpleNurple69 · 15/08/2017 20:52

My DH is my best friend! I've never really had a best friend since high school - I'm quite selfish I suppose and hate feeling pressured into keeping in regular contact etc. Plus I have deep seated trust issues with women. I have my DH, my young-adult kids and my sister. That's quite enough thank you very much!

RaininSummer · 15/08/2017 20:52

I havent had friends like that since I was in my twenties. Now it's a just colleagues for a short chat and two friends I see about twice a year for a catch up. I think it just happens as people move away over the years and busy lives mean you don't form those strong bonds. Whenever I think it would be nice I then realise that there is no time for friends really.

BarbRoyle · 15/08/2017 20:55

Can I join 'Frinder'? I think i know why I dont have lots of friends tho - it takes effort. I cant even be arsed to type - just want to say ' what she said'

user8526831517 · 15/08/2017 20:55

it's a shame that we can't all post where we live and then see who is local.

revolution909 · 15/08/2017 20:59

Well technically there are meet-ups? But again I've felt those don't work that well . If you ask me a whatsapp group chart would work miles better... Yes, we wouldn't be local, but at least that might take some of the loneliness away?

NotInMyBackYard1 · 15/08/2017 21:00

I made a really good friend when my middle DD started school, we just clicked (our DDs are in the same class) but we see each other more often minus kids than me do with! 2 years down the line and I count her as a really close friend now. We both work so don't spend time chatting in the playground too much but make an effort to keep in touch and just chat shit to each other via text regularly

turtlecreek · 15/08/2017 21:02

BarbRoyle we are one half of the same coin. Please be my friend!

Crispbutty · 15/08/2017 21:02

^^Today 20:37 user7841794168

I have a few good friends but no very very close ones. DP is my best friend. Im happy.

I always feel a little sad when I read comments like this. It's fine having your DP/DH as your best friend until something happens and you end up single.

Don't feel sad. I have good friends. If anything were to happen I wouldn't be alone with no support. I just don't have or feel the need for a "best" friend above other close mates. I'm an only child so have been a bit of a loner all my life I guess. I enjoy my own company and I prefer nights out with DP or with him and other friends than just a girls night out.

Lightningbolt82 · 15/08/2017 21:04

Yep I'm definitely in your club. I seem to have done things very differently to other people. I didn't go straight to uni after college (so didn't make uni friends then). I had my son aged 22 and other mums at the time where I lived were much older and more sophisticated (so didn't make friends) between the ages of 24-29 I made lots of new friends. Then I split from my partner and since don't see those friends very often/I've drifted away from them. At work, the others have been there for hundreds of years and don't really show any interest in me (despite me always showing an interest!). I joined a swim club (but turns out most of the time you are submerged and don't talk). The list goes on ! Gahhhhh. I'll be your friend!

BarbRoyle · 15/08/2017 21:14

turtle we could arrange to meet for coffee in a years time and then make an excuse for not being able to make it

Original poster

Bonosbiatch · 15/08/2017 21:35

Whatsapp groups are good! Thanks Lightening - friends! 😂

OP posts:

clevername · 15/08/2017 21:40

I am so, so with you... I'm also 36 with a 3 year old and am virtually friendless. I mean, I have people I see occasionally etc but no real, proper close friends.

I had friends before I had my DD (so I know what it's like!) but they all drifted once I'd had her. I try to 'go on the friend pull' but it's so hard... I get so far but then seem to fail to make that proper connection. I'm about to have DC2 and I am DETERMINED that I will crack this somehow! I'm not dreadfully lonely or miserable about it but it definitely feels like there's something missing in my life.

So, basically... I feel your pain.

Original poster

Bonosbiatch · 15/08/2017 21:49

Another complicating factor is my little one has a rare condition meaning that although he's a toddler, he's not toddling or talking as yet, despite being 2 and a bit. This makes going to toddler groups trickier and another reason to find friends through other means.

'Going on the friend pull' - just made me spit out my drink! Haha! Love it! 😂

OP posts:

BobbinThreadbare123 · 15/08/2017 21:58

There are lots of us in this situation. I know I am very low on people's priority list apart from one or two folk who I see rarely (due to distance etc). But then I am ASD so contact is hard; I'm not a constant texter etc. Also I don't have children and everyone I went to uni with does, pretty much. I'd join Friender but I'd still be in the same weirdo boat I suspect.

revolution909 · 15/08/2017 22:01

Wait, "Friender" does exist???

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