Anyone else have zero/nada/zilch close friends?

[Bonosbiatch]

Just that really. I'm 36 and a mum to a toddler. My line of work doesn't lend itself to forming close friendships. I would just love a couple of friends to do things with - not just acquaintances but the sort of friends that you can rely on and connect with. Not sure if that makes sense. How does one even make friends in your 30s/40s?? 😂

My problem is that you seem to need to arrange a meet up with people really far in advance. Usually I find that when I am supposed to be meeting, in have a million other kid related things I need to (or would rather) do! Can't people just meet at the drop of a hat? So much easier! I guess I am also bored of listening to dull shit!!

Totally b with you lightingbolt o can't understand why you can't just text someone about having coffee that same day or whatever

I feel exactly how you feel 42
And very few friends. X

I need
Friends I just drop in when I want to or text
Something funny or even just for a
Rant and
The odd night out ! Not to much to ask x

I had a look at that Bumble all last night for same sex friends. I don't think they have many users as it only brought up two ladies and one of them was 300miles away. I have deleted it again now but even if there had been more people, I didn't like the pressure of having to decide if I liked the look of them based just on looks if you see what I mean.

Same age, same toddler, same situation exactly with friends. I live in the middle of the countryside and don't really have spare energy or income for hobbies and friends aren't close by.
Tried joining baby groups early on but found only having a baby in common isn't really enough.
Not a girls' girl and am single so that makes it a lot harder as people my age are couples mostly and dont' want single gfs.
Used to have a very good social life and have no problem making friends so this is a new and shitty situation really.

All I can say is that my birthday is coming up c soon and I can't think of who would want to come or who I would want to be there. I used to have both close friends and a wide circle of friends. Kids killed that.

I use to have a good handful of close friends in my twenties and early thirties .

In my latter thirties as my chronic pain illness progressed my friends all dropped by the wayside.

I don't have any friends now at all. Each time I think i have a friend I realise a few months later that I merely served a purpose for them.

I can think of at least three groups I'm part of where we're in the process of organising a meet up. One of them we haven't met up for about 2 years. Another is about 5 months since we met up. Another about 8 months. It probably won't happen. I assume it's difficult to arrange a meet-up because they're all too busy seeing their close friends. I agree I would like a small circle of people I can see regularly rather than having to make plans months in advance (which end up being cancelled anyway).

No friends here either, an app would be brilliant.

I have groups of 'friends' who I go out with for big events but nobody special I can just call for a quiet night at the cinema etc.

ExDH was my best friend. Then we split. I really miss him.

My husbands is my close friend, actually my only true friend.

I would like good female friend but I have never had anyone true or loyal.

I at least know my husbands always there, doesn't talk bad behind my back and has same sense of silly humour as me.

Where I live I genuinely don't think there is any true friends as they all bitch about each other, hence why I have distanced myself 😏

I have no 'best' friend which I do mourn sometimes. Having moved 100 miles from home I only see two old friends from there. However I have a number of newer local friends who I can do coffee/drinks/shopping/walking with. I met them through the following:

NCT classes - one of the 6 I still see for a meet up/wine
Toddler group - I took a 6 week old baby as determined to meet some new people after we'd moved - still see 4 people from here and one I go walking with every week. I tend to be the organiser of meet ups with this group
School - picked up a couple of friends here but no one really close
Work - no one really (prefer to keep things separate) but could have a lunch date easily
MN - on a weight loss thread and worked out someone was local to me and we met up. Went to a local meet up but nothing really came of that - still see the one local friend
MN ante natal thread - have a separate fb group with c15 people on it. No one local but do see 2 of them a couple of times a year
Neighbours - live in a hamlet and there are 3 people I could pretty easily drop in on for a cuppa and a chat

If I wanted to meet someone now I think I'd join a walking/running group or a book group type thing.

Except for the Botox, you totally sound like my kind of friend! 😂

I don't have any close friends. I had an episode of depression/anxiety and lost all the people I thought were friends. I am a lone working parent, with no close or nearby family, a chronically ill seven year old and a younger daughter, so socialising is rarely an option. It sucks, frankly. I hate my current job - it was necessary to fit in with looking after my daughter pre-diagnosis. I am looking for a job more aligned to my experience and qualifications (and hopefully with more like-minded colleagues). Trying to put my life in order, but it ain't half a slog sometimes, and a few decent pals would help!

I have also found this hard. Easy to make 'mum friends' i.e. People to have coffee with during the day, but hard to make real friends that you can chat too, laugh with and sometimes whinge with!
I have made two friends like this since moving to a new area 7 years ago. (Not a great rate these I realise!)
One I met through a volunteering activity and we've got loads in common, the other is the mum of a friend of dds- dd was invited on her first play date when she was 3.5 and I happened to get on really well with her mum. Unlike me I bit the bullet and invited her for a glass of wine when my husband was away. It was worth it as we are good friends now.
You might Find it a little easier as your toddler gets older and makes firmer friendships.
I hear you though, it's hard to get past the initial stages of friendship

Or yoga/Pilates or join a local group - we have a cinema committee/-apple group/arts festival group etc. I don't do committees though after a previous bad experience

I have a large circle of friends, and old friends from school that I don't see so much of... I moved to a new part of the country and was lucky to find such lovely friends.
Making new friends is quite easy, if you invest time and energy. They do bring me real joy and laughter and shared happy times both with and without the children. I would feel
lonely without seeing them. Prob I catch up once a week with one or a group.
Choose two or three people you really like and suggest a coffee, get to know them, find out what they enjoy doing. Always text if there is a problem they are goIng through. Celebrate their birthdays or achievements...commiserate when life isn't so kind. Drinks in the evenings are fun.
Be open to new friends and you will find them.

To get past just a coffee and chat type of friend you need to be prepared to open up, be honest about the good things and bad things in your life. To keep her confidence and sometimes put that friendship before your own needs/ life if they need you.
Selfish people don't tend to have real friends. I have had selfish friends and tend to give them a wide berth as they make me feel used.

I'm 30, I have 1 friend I've had since childhood. Can talk to her about anything. If I lived less than 3 hours drive away from her I'd be able to text her any day and if she was free we'd go out for coffee etc.
Why can I not find that again? College friends i keep in touch with, but 7 hours drive from them.
I've not made any new true friends since I was 17. Do we get less sociable\trusting as we age? More cliquey?

In my experience it's not that easy! I had a mini group of friends that lasted like 6 months... One of them and I ended being super close but lately things have changed thus the need for new friends! I go to yoga and even though you know it's very hand on, I still haven't been able to get a "coffee date" out of it. I do think the best way is through hobbies as then you'd have at least something in common an the rest will come naturally

I don't have many friends, I'm in my 20s not that it makes any difference IMO. I don't really have any very best friends and I always feel like I'm way more into people than they are me, so then I don't want to look desperate. I always suggest meet ups etc then leave the ball in that person's court, and then when they don't reply at least you know they're not into getting to know you and you can try another person down another avenue!

I have 2 mum-friends I met through a lot of tenacity at baby groups. They both seem to have a lot of other friends but the 3 of us are all local so we see each other a lot. Not sure how deep the friendship is but we go out for dinner every now and then and it's really great actually.

Another mum friend is someone who is just a lovely lovely kind social butterfly and lovely to everyone and makes time for everyone, so I'm very pleased to know her, but not someone I'd class as a close friend.

My 'best friend' is my childhood best friend, don't see her often.

Another 'friend' from an old workplace but we're both a bit flaky with each other and lead very different lives, kind of just keep in touch and meet up with the kids sometimes.

My only other friend is my cousin! Who I love but can never pin her down to get together, I think I'm keener than her.

I managed to join a group of 'Local Ladies' through a pregnancy app and we've met up and have another meet up coming up(really not like my, way out of my comfort zone!), they all seem lovely and very promising! Hopefully we'll stay in touch once the babies are born. Likewise I have an NCT class starting next month.

DH is my absolute best friend, I get that people might think that's sad and what happens if we break up, but I think that is not going to happen. It's like the SAHM debate, I'm not going to live in fear of my marriage crumbling! That would be a big warning sign that the marriage was not good in the first place.

I've tried apps like Peanut, Mush etc, met one lady from Mush and she was nice to my face but I clearly didn't fit her acceptable friend mold - saw her at the park a couple of months later with a group of friends she'd found, all carbon copies of each other, willowy, blonde hair and boden which is so not me! So there we go. That's fine, she seemed happy!

Since joining in with this post I have been thinking quite a lot about this topic. Someone said earlier that you need to invest a lot of time and energy to maintain close friends. That is so hard when you are trying to keep up with a job (plus managing income), kids, family, your own interests etc. It seems to be a massive commitment. How do people fit it all in? I would love to have a little circle of friends but it now seems like a bit of an impossibility!!