Would you want to know if you were cheated on?

[NotAnotherNoughtiesTune]

Lots of posts on here lately about should the OP tell that she knows that a persons partner is cheating.

It just got me to thinking - would you want to know?

Or would it depend on the extent?

For example I would rather not bother knowing about a drunken kiss but would very much like to know about a prolonged affair.

Just curious if you'd rather live in ignorance or know.

Question to both men and women.

I'd like to know about any form of cheating.

My DH doesn't drink to the point of getting drunk and loosing his senses, so I'd be concerned about a kiss too.

No question about it. I would want to know. Can't think of anything worse (barring violence, etc) than living in ignorance and being taken for a mug by a pair of cheats. One of whom is meant to love and respect you. Possibly having doubts but no proof (which is why it's still kinder to tell, even if you suspect someone knows their partner is cheating).

Of course I'd want to know. Who wouldn't want to know if their DP was shagging around behind their back and making them a laughing stock.

I'd want to know about a drunken snog as well because it's all betrayal and I'd be worth so much more then that.

I'd want to know about any level of dishonesty from my partner.

Even thinking. I would want to know.

I meant a drunken kiss would likely be a mistake so instead of being reminded about something that's unlikely to happen again then I'd rather not know to torture myself iyswim?

I'd still be concerned my partner had let themselves get into the position of getting so drunk they couldn't stop themselves kissing someone else, or thought they'd do it anyway because they wanted to. Especially if it was then kept a secret. Surely that's the start of getting away with more for many ppl?

I'd want to know from someone who had good motives and wasn't trying to stir up trouble.

OP, just tell your OH what you've done.

Well I started a thread on here about my OW friend telling the wife about the affair.
The consensus was that yes the wife should absolutely know but it was no ones business but the husband to tell her ( which clearly might not happen for a while....).
So yes, if you are being cheated on should know but realistically know will tell you until it's too late.

That's a bit of an odd leap Bad - but I do like your logic.

I guess I'm one of the very few people that would not want to know about something small if it was a once off. Clearly if it was a pattern they wouldn't be very happy.

I just find it so strange when someone will forgive their partner being violent once but not kissing someone else, say.

I know which one is definitely going to get me leaving yesterday (I've known of a few people this has happened to - their partner hit them and they forgave but then they cheated and couldn't forgive that).

But either way you don't respect yourself enough to put up with it.

Would want to know to book dh cremation. . .

need

Make sure he pays for it mind.

I would. Also just asked DH (after explaining concept of emotional affair) and he said yes too.

I just find it so strange when someone will forgive their partner being violent once but not kissing someone else, say he'd be out the door for sure if he ever hit me

I always thought I'd want to know....3 years ago I found out my partner of 18 years had been up to all sorts for many years. Of course it was a massive shock at the time but 3 years on and having given it a lot of thought I'm actually grateful I didn't know about it all. We have 3 wonderful kids 2 of whom may not be here had I found out about the cheating from the start. Also my kids had the majority of their childhoods in a solid family unit, something I believe has given them stability and confidence...their dad was always very affectionate and loving toward me and was a good father in most other aspects so basically yeah...I'm glad I found out when I did and not from the start.

I think in a relationship it is usually about trust, trust that the other person didn't intentionally hurt you physically or mentally.
For example:
Did he/she hit me on purpose? I don't know, it was in the heat of the moment/was an accident etc. Some people can still keep that trust that their partner didn't mean to do it.
But cheating is different. You don't accidentally have sex with someone. And often the level of planning and deceit makes it hard for a partner to recover that trust.
I would want to know, for me our relationship would be over the minute DH touched another woman, whether I knew about it or not.

I'd want to know.

I was cheated on when I was much younger and the worst thing about it wasn't the heartbreak but the humiliation of finding out after the fact that half of my college and half of hers knew all about it. I'd trusted him totally and never suspected anything. I'd been chucked by my boyfriend and looked and felt a complete fool.

Saying that, I'd want to know but I have no idea how I'd go about telling a friend their partner was cheating. So I'm guessing the people who know and don't tell feel the same way. Or they're scared that the two partners will unite in blaming them for shit-stirring. That certainly happens.

It's such a minefield isn't it?

No, I don't think I would if it was just the one time. An affair I would need to know about.

Yes anything inappropriate I'd want to know about : flirting/kissing etc etc . (One off flirt I don't need to know of, but if there's a continuos flirt going with same person that's probably an issue!)

I see what you meanOdd which is why I'd want to know about an affair but not a kiss. I imagine you can kiss someone else without premeditation.

But hitting someone else to me is invading their body, so is so much worse.

I'd DH slept with someone else I'd be disgusted and hurt but it wouldn't make me question whether I was safe with him. Whereas hitting someone would make me question that.

Unless someone is right in your face I don't think you can accidentally hit someone, you'd have to make an effort.

Just shows how complicated human morality is though.

Depends a lot on the circumstances. If everyone knew and I didn't then I'd definitely want to know. If it was a regular thing and/or emotions were involved then I'd want to know. If he hadn't used contraception then I'd want to know.
Otherwise, I'm not so sure. If it was a one time thing with someone he wouldn't see again then I think I'd rather not know tbh.

That's how I feel too I think Spike.

Absolutely! My ex tried it on with my friend whilst I was pregnant. She didn't tell me until we'd split a few years later. I understand why she didn't tell me but wish she'd had.