Wife always putting DC into activities that they don't ask to do!?

[FredDL]

Sorry I just don't get it and want to know if I'm in the wrong.

We aren't short of cash and money isn't a huge issue but we also don't have enough to just throw away.

DC are 3, 6 and 9. In all fairness the 9 yo has asked to go to the 3 clubs she goes to so I'm not talking about that.

I also fully understand why all children were put in swimming without asking to.

She has put 3 yo DS into dance classes 3 times a week, he comes out pretty happy but he would be happy not going too IYSWIM??

6 yo has been put in gymnastics, never asked in his life. Again, he goes and is happy but would be happy if he didn't go. As soon as any child asks, I agree that it's important to let them pursue what they want but when they don't even ask!?

3 yo has 3 dance classes a week!
I'm the only class I put my almost 5yo in without asking was swimming, it's nice to have one activity more to break the time up for us parents and give us a break for the kids but it seems she is maybe trying to do too much too soon.

Why would they ask? They have no clue what they like or what they are good at. Try them with everything they have an opportunity to do and work back from that is my approach.

3x a week seems like overkill at that age and more likely to put them off unless they really enjoy it.

Yes 3 dance classes! They're 3 different dance styles apparently.

I take it your wife doesn't work?
Sounds like she's doing it for herself more than them.
Some parents seem to need to live life through their kids.

Kids generally don't ask to do activities, particularly not the younger ages, if it is possible with time and finances and the children aren't miserable with their activities it is general considered good parenting to have them get used to regular activities. I can't really see where you are coming from here. How will your children know what they like or get a sense of achievement if they aren't encouraged to keep going with activities? It's good for them to socialise outside of school, and keep fit.

My eldest does Guides, Woodcraft, tutoring, youth club and circus skills. At 10, she chooses to do those and stopped doing other more active activities but I introduced her to them all.

My 3 year old does swimming, gymnastics and dancing. I've chosen them all because they fit into our spare time and are the closest to home. When she starts school she will drop some and be encouraged to decide which she wants to keep and if she wants to try out new things that are offered through school but I'll always want them to do at least 1 activity ongoing. I don't really like having to facilitate them but I know it's good for them.

well, that is how dc find out what they like and are good at and want to persue. And where they make a variety of friends. I probably put my dc into at least 10 things they had never heard of themselves. Now they are adult, both still keep up two hobbies they have now had for over a decade

I think its wonderful that she wants to put this much effort into her Dc. I don't see what the issue is.

For the 3 year old, are they parent and toddler type dance classes in the day time? If so they are just as much about socialising for the parents, meeting new friends, getting out of the house, like play groups really. A playgroup is just as good but if the money isn't an issue then I don't see the problem.

My daughter is 7 and has been dancing since she was 4 ( Tap and Jazz) and has been swimming and doing judo since she was 5.
She also goes to Gymnastics for a hour every week and has a guitar lesson for 30 mins every week.
She loves all her classes and gets upset when they break up for school holidays .

Yes the dance is mother and toddler type dance classes but the gymnastics for 6 yo isn't!

She does work! She just uses her spare time doing it, which is also what I don't get

What don't you get ??

We could use that time being together as a family. We go out on Sundays but weekdays in the evenings to sit together and watch the tv, play in garden, etc. Would be nice.

Huh?

Kids usually need to try a lot of things before they find what they like.

If they were actually saying they didn't want to do things and your wife was signing them up anyway, that would be weird.

Activities are good for kids, on the whole.

Are you feeling neglected?

where to start with this...
swimming is a life skill all children should learn how to swim and preferably even do their lifeguarding course (it includes some basic first aid and is a decent job for young adults) children don't ask to do this it's your job to get this going.
again dance and gymnastics is great for little ones, again they wont ask.
if nothing else it tires them out and helps them sleep at night (initially until they have lots of endurance but that's several years away).
there is something about working at something that isn't easy (dance and gymnastics) that really helps with life lessons.
being with a group of like minded friends and families can be a lifesaver in the teen years when peer groups and being idle becomes problematic.
your wife probably enjoys the comradery of the other adults present
and it's healthy.....
can you tell...being a jack of all trades and master of none was not on my parenting agenda.
and my children didn't get to pick their main club either...three kids three different specialties (so that they couldn't be compared).

My 3 year old does swimming, ballet and gymnastics. She didn't ask to because she didn't know they exist! However she enjoys them, and when she's older she will be able to drop some/all if she no longer enjoys them or doesn't want to go for some reason (except swimming).
Nearly 2 year old goes to gymnastics too. She also didn't ask to go, I chose the activity for her. She loves it.
I don't really get where you're coming from.

So you'd rather they stayed in watching tv?

Mine do and have done quite a lot of clubs and sports. With a couple of exceptions , it was my decision to let them try it out and they've taken a number of them to a competitive level. They love sports and what all my kids can do physically is incredible.

It's definitely not for me though. I've had to run around dropping them, picking them up and rescheduling like mad to accommodate their sports.

If I had waited for my kids to ask to do activities they'd have done nothing. Do you really think that you shouldn't sign your 3 year old up for any activity until he expresses a wish to do it???

I have 4 kids and started my parenting "career" thinking they needed down time to watch tv. NO THEY DON'T! They do need to understand the idea of being bored so they think stuff up themselves to do. But they will come up with far more creative ways of alieving boredom if they've got a whole load of experiences to draw from. Your non existent wife is doing the right thing.

This is about you not ........ Fill in the blank because I'm not entirely sure what your complaint is but it sure as hell has nothing to do with your children doing activities they appear to enjoy. Which of course begs the question, why you feel the need to hide behind the reason given.

Every club DD goes to I've sighed her up for, in the hope she'd find something she enjoys and she enjoys all of them, so much so that she can't do any more regular activities until she drops one of her other activities. DD is probably never going to be the next Sharon Davis, Rembrandt etc but the confidence that she's gained has been very important for her.

I think you'd be better served talking to your wife about your real concerns because the one you've given, doesn't really make sense.

It depends on the child. Being quietly at home was much preferable to me than being with crowds of other DCs. School was more than enough.

I have this conversation with my DH alot also. DS is 7, and has ASD. If it were up to DS he would stay at home building lego all day. But I want him to be exposed to a range of activities and then he can continue with them, or drop them as he wants.But at this age he does not even know what he wants to do.

I did nothing when I was growing up. My parents were poor and worked all hours, so I was the kid who grew up doing nothing but reading and watching tv. I don't want that for my DS. Currently he has tried and loved;
swimming
trampolining
forests and den making

and he has tried and given up on
dance
beavers (hated it)
pottery
football
tennis

But I kind of feel like it is my job as a parent to give him access to as many things as I can, with the flexibility to know that if he hates something he does not have to do it.

is your DWife doing a similar thing?

(FWIW, DH has very little interest in spending time 'as a family' as he has very solitary hobbies he is quite obsessed by, so none of it takes away from family time).

Is your concern rather that your two boys are doing dance and gymnastic lessons than something more boy-ish?

Or maybe your wife is finding as many excuses as possible for her and the kids to avoid spending time with you.