Wife always putting DC into activities that they don't ask to do!?

[FredDL]

Sorry I just don't get it and want to know if I'm in the wrong.

We aren't short of cash and money isn't a huge issue but we also don't have enough to just throw away.

DC are 3, 6 and 9. In all fairness the 9 yo has asked to go to the 3 clubs she goes to so I'm not talking about that.

I also fully understand why all children were put in swimming without asking to.

She has put 3 yo DS into dance classes 3 times a week, he comes out pretty happy but he would be happy not going too IYSWIM??

6 yo has been put in gymnastics, never asked in his life. Again, he goes and is happy but would be happy if he didn't go. As soon as any child asks, I agree that it's important to let them pursue what they want but when they don't even ask!?

3yo don't ask they get what their parents put the effort into giving. Some parents organise too much some nothing at all. If they enjoy it I don't see a problem.

Finances are problem that's entirely different and something you should discuss. You may find she'd rather cut other things...

Sitting at home in front of the TV five nights a week teaches them nothing

In fairness, it depends what you do with your time and how you do it. My daughter learns a lot about things by, say, watching the news with me, as she can ask questions and we can talk about what's going on in the world together. Kids can learn a lot through sitting at the dinner table and learning to participate in adult conversations about the wider world. If you play board games as a family, that's beneficial for kids. Making time to read and encourage your children to love books is a fantastic thing which will help them with their written style and grammar, as well as setting them up for life.

It's not as simple as activities are better than staying at home. Depends on the child, depends on the activity, depends on what you do at home. Remember that kids come from a structured, scheduled school environment. A bit of unstructured time when they learn to make their own choices isn't a bad thing at all and, I think, is a really useful skill in later life.

3 x 30 minute dance classes a week. So 1.5 hours out of 86 waking hours.

Yep completely over scheduled and the poor kid must be exhausted...

Or maybe not.

It's not just 30 mins a class with travel etc. OTT for a 3yo. Especially if older DC have to tag along (Op says his wife WoH).

Older ones would be at school. Even if it's half an hour there and back, that's still only 4.5 hours a week. Better to have something to get out of the house for three days a week than spend those days at home watching telly, which OP would seem to prefer.

Sounds like your wife is doing her best to find fun things for your kids to do.

Be grateful your wife is so supportive and invested in your kids. If you can afford it then I don't see a problem. Would you rather they were watching telly all day?

OP hasn't said the alternative would be watching TV.

Mine did millions of clubs. They loved some and got bored of others. It's fun.

OP hasn't said the alternative would be watching TV.

Exactly. It depends what the alternative actually is! Don't get me wrong - a mix of things is great and clubs are smashing if a child really enjoys what they are doing. But let's not get sanctimonious about it. The hour a week my girls do a club together? It's coffee and kindle time. Bloody marvellous. Much, much easier than the night a week I take them to the library and then to a coffee shop to look at the new books, where I'm reading and engaging with them.

Also don't see the issue here. My dd didn't ask to do ice skating lessons, after a couple of weeks attending she now proclaims how much fun it is and that it's the "best thing ever", having an enthusiastic and encouraging teacher gives her so much confidence which will hopefully rub off in other areas of her life. It's play, trying new things, succeeding, achieving, failing, making mistakes and picking themselves back up again. Of course, if you were struggling for money I'd see your point, but then there are activities like scouts and brownies that cost little in subs which probably adds more to their quality of life than watching TV. You should feel happy to have the mother of your children investing so much interest, time and energy into their upbringing.

You don't want your children doing an activity which by their own admission they leave happy, because you would prefer them to sit at home with you and watch tv....? Right.....

Again - where has he mentioned the TV? There are things children can do other than going to clubs or watching TV.....

OP did say about watching TV: 01:28
But it we one of a number of things.

I don't think they're "over scheduled" at all.

OP, have you actually SPOKEN to your wife?

We go out on Sundays but weekdays in the evenings to sit together and watch the tv, play in garden, etc

In fairness, he's suggesting that they all spend time together, rather than sticking the kids in front of Nick Jr to sit passively watching it for hours....

I watched TV with my daughter yesterday. We watched Channel 4 news and she asked me lots of questions about Northern Ireland. We all watched a film as a family at the weekend and enjoyed talking about it afterwards and what we'd found funny, what we hadn't liked etc. Kids get a lot out of that sort of adult interaction. There's a balance to be struck.

Is it the money or isn't it? And if it isn't the money, why not? The classes will be good for them (co-ordination etc) and gets both of them out of the house. If you're mentally exhausted from work a playgroup / structured class is a winner. The teacher does the enthusiasm and you just have to do what she says...

It's great for development and social interaction to do all this. It really, really will stand them in good stead for the teenage years - the more experiences, the better. Lucky kids!

But it's not about you! It's what's what's best for the kids and quite frankly I think your wife is doing a great job broadening their minds in her spare tame. Maybe you should go along too or even offer to take the kids and give her time time to her self since she works and spends all her free time doing thins for the kids. TBH you sound really selfish.

Swimming is non negotiable.

Mine wouldn't do a thing unless I gave them a kick up the backside and bribed them a bit.

Kids don't ask -- they often have no idea that activities exist (why would they, before they've tried them?). It's also an important time to try new things and grow and learn.

I think it's really nice that your wife has bothered to find these classes and take your children to them. We don't manage to do as many as I would like (I'm a single parent) but I can see how enriching they are both as a chance to learn new things and socialise with other children.

I agree there is a risk that over scheduled children don't have time for creative, imaginary play, independent thinking rather than adult led activities. I don't agree that attending organised activities is the only way to learn and socialise, although they have their place.

I would think that the reality of getting 3 children to numerous clubs each week translates as a lot of time strapped in the car ferrying siblings to and from activities. I assume the 3 year old has to accompany mum when she is taxi-ing the others so not much fun for a toddler.

More time could be spent as a family I agree. My dc spent a lot of free time playing out with friends and neighbours from about the age of 6, although I appreciate that depends on the area you live in. We are in a very quiet rural village.

I find it odd that a lot of pp think it's either clubs or sit in front of the tv.

I get you, OP.

My sister and I had what felt like a barrage of bloody activities we didn't want to do. Brownies, gym, ballet, bloody summer camp one year. Violin lessons... gave that one up when I was told by the head teacher that if I was learning violin I had to participate in the school orchestra, which would mean getting up early twice a week for practise. FUCK. THAT.

Left to our own devices we would happily play in the garden, or out on the street, with our actual friends, rather than being forced into "structured" (ugh!) activities with a bunch of kids whose only commonality was that their parents were similarly pushy.

If it was raining we used to write plays and perform them to an audience of stuffed toys. Or play "The floor is lava" on the sitting room furniture. Or make up stories about what we would do when we were grown ups.

If we were bored of each others' company then we read, separately.

Kids need unstructured time so they can learn to entertain themselves and each other.

Unstructured time is great, but it doesn't sound as if these children are particularly over-burdened with classes.

• The 9 year old has specifically asked to do their 3 classes a week.
• Only one class (gymnastics) is mentioned for the 6 year old.
• The 3 year old has three dance classes. We have no idea what childcare the 3 year old has, but these may be key opportunities for him to socialise with other children unless he is in full-time nursery/preschool already (which the OP hasn't mentioned).

This doesn't sound like overload. There are other afternoons when they don't have any classes, presumably.

I agree Pocket.
As brilliant as it is that parents want to shape their children into well learned adults with a range of skills or interests, it's important that they're also allowed to be children doing their own thing.
A child psychologist wrote an article on the importance of letting 21st century children be bored and I agree.

I asked a mum friend once if she minded that she spent most of her afternoons and Saturdays driving to and from various clubs for her children. She laughed and said she loved strapping them in the car, drowning them out with music, getting a sit down whilst driving and getting rid of them for an hour.. I had to respect her honesty..