Wife always putting DC into activities that they don't ask to do!?

[FredDL]

Sorry I just don't get it and want to know if I'm in the wrong.

We aren't short of cash and money isn't a huge issue but we also don't have enough to just throw away.

DC are 3, 6 and 9. In all fairness the 9 yo has asked to go to the 3 clubs she goes to so I'm not talking about that.

I also fully understand why all children were put in swimming without asking to.

She has put 3 yo DS into dance classes 3 times a week, he comes out pretty happy but he would be happy not going too IYSWIM??

6 yo has been put in gymnastics, never asked in his life. Again, he goes and is happy but would be happy if he didn't go. As soon as any child asks, I agree that it's important to let them pursue what they want but when they don't even ask!?

With three children it's difficult to have free evening. Little children benefit from these activities even if they don't ask. I do think 3 times a week is extreme for a 3 yo. So if dropping a class would give you all a free evening, I'd ask her to do it.

My dd has for the past 2 years done an activity every day of the week. That's 7 days a week. I thought she'd naturally want to drop something. But she doesn't. So I've taken a decision that she will drop 2 activities from next year.

The dc are too young to know what clubs and opportunities are out there to try. I think it's great she is introducing them.

If they were not happy going that's different from saying they'd be just as happy at home. You op seems to be concentrating more on you than the dc. She is expanding their horizons which is a good thing, as long as there is balance with home/family life.

Hmm. Well, I do think many kids are rather overscheduled and that doing activities shouldn't be the default, so I'm with you there.

On the other hand I agree with PPs who have said, how will the kids know what they like if they aren't exposed to new things? What I have done with my young kids is put them into activities and then after a few months, ask them if they want to keep going or stop. IMO it's a bit weird to automatically keep taking them just because they aren't visibly unhappy and haven't asked to stop going; probably they don't realise they have a choice, but they might prefer to spend their time in other ways.

If you are wishing for more family time, do any of these activities have a suitable area where the entire family (except the child doing the activity) could hang around chatting or reading aloud or playing games? Some leisure centres will have a cafe, or there may be a field outside where you could picnic and play frisbee. I found that a good way of giving extra attention to whichever kid wasn't in the activity. Admittedly not all venues are pleasant - some have literally nowhere to go, or are loud or crowded. But some are fine, and the kids like the change of scene and the guarantee that parents won't be distracted by housework as they would at home!

And apart from watching TV, what kind of an effort do you make to organise activities that they might enjoy?

DD is 2. She does three different types of activity at the moment. That's been the case since she was tiny, but the activities have changed as she's grown.

And no, she's never asked to do any of them. Because she's too young to have any idea about the types of activities on offer, or that she could ask to do them.

The activities teach her a wide range of skills. They make her more confident. They improve her ability to socialise. They teach her the importance of working to achieve something. And she really enjoys them.

If I'd never put her into the classes then of course she'd be perfectly happy, because she wouldn't know any different, but that doesn't mean that she may as well not go.

As she gets older, DD will increasingly be able to let me know which hobbies she's most interested in, and which she'd rather not try, but for now it's my job to expose her to options. In her case, that's currently mainly sport because I also believe it's very important for young children to be active and learn the fun of healthy lifestyles.

I do think it's important not to overschedule, but it doesn't sound like that's the case with your DC. You may just notice it more as a parent because you have multiple DC and they all need to do their various activities, but from their perspective it's a different experience.

Swimming is very important. They should all do that at least.

Maybe some of the rest is a bit much at 3 times a week but if they enjoy it and you have the time and the money, what's the problem? Are you around to go with them to some of these activities? If you are there to see them enjoy themselves, it will feel like more of a family activity. The dance thing must allow dads to take part too?

How about suggesting some less structured activities that you can all do together like geocaching or cycling in the woods/park?

You sound like you're looking for something to have a moan about to be honest. Do you complain and gripe a lot about your wife and her choices in general?

You're totally right, OP. Your DC should be sitting in watching TV with you in the evenings, rather than out at clubs having fun and exercising.

Lemme guess, you occasionally need to transport a child to or from a club and it eats into your "sitting on your arse watching telly" time?

I think your wife must have seen something in 6 y o that makes her think he would have a talent for gymnastics, or his teacher has commented etc. It's really good for them; they are learning social skills, building confidence. The classes that she is doing with the 3 yo is a lovely way to spend time together. She sounds like she's doing a great job.

I agree some activities are great but children's time shouldn't be filled. I think a bit of boredom and forced readding is better for children.
I don't understand x3 dance. Exercise is important but it seems like overkill.

Even with 3 activities a week that leaves kids with a fair amount of time to play, read and be bored.

So what is stopping you from joining them at the classes?

And this:
Do you complain and gripe a lot about your wife and her choices in general?
[AntiopeofThemyscira]

...apart from watching TV, what kind of an effort do you make to organise activities that they might enjoy?
[MrsDustyBusty]

3 dance classes a week for a 3yo is OTT IMO, especially if cost is a factor.

If the gymnastics is once a week, seems fair enough to give DC a try, any more than that similarly OTT unless DC is showing high interest and potential.

Can understand your concern to have some unscheduled time at the weekends: how much of the weekends are taken up with the DCs' activities?

My kid didn't ask to go to playgroup or music class or gym or swimming. I just took him because it's good for him to experience new things. At 3 the only one he wants to do is gym so that's all we do now. He loves it! If I hadn't tried he would never know. I'm going to try more new things too.

I think it's important to develop their interests and to make a healthy lifestyle part of daily life. I wish I'd been brought up with fun exercise as something you just do without thinking. Now it's so hard to drag myself off the couch (or would be if I wasn't running around after my kids constantly).

Your wife sounds great! Be supportive.

I work in a primary school and this is quite typical of a lot of parents, unfortunately.
Relentlessly over-scheduling their children's free time - it's often a kind of competitive thing. Does depend a lot on the individual child, though.

I did ballet from 2 until 15 because I thought I would disappoint my mum if I didn't go. I hated it towards the end, I was slightly overweight, with a snakey back and cheeky attitude. I was an unlikely ballerina. I was fairly good at it though and kept getting parts in productions, but didn't know how to tell my mum I wanted to give it up. In the end my exams forced the issue.

It sounds as though at the moment your kids are happy going, but make it clear that if they want to stop at any time they can. My mum would have been happy for me to give up years before I did - the cost was prohibitive along with my school fees and she could have done with the money, but she thought I loved going. If I had known she wouldn't mind I would have left at 11.

I know someone like this

Turns out she doesn't actually want to spend alone time with the kids.

How would a 6 year old know about gymnastics if a parent didn't choose for them? That is how kids get into things usually im not sure what you don't understand? The dance classes sound fun and something for your 3yrold to do

If your kids stop enjoying their thing then that is when to stop one of mine hated everything i put her to we tried loads didn't find her thing till she was 10 sometimes it is trial and error

Teaching them to join and participate as the norm is a really good life skill. I think its fine to want 'the weekend free' or one weekend day and one evening free, as family time is really important. But then you have to put some energy into planning activities and engaging with the children during these times. Could/do you do some of the 'taking' to activities? Your kids will love for you to get involved. ( I presume you do do all this by the way).

A 3 year old is hardly going to ask to do anything, but if he enjoys the classes, why would you object. As for taking time to be together, why don't you go along too?

My 8 year old does tennis, swimming, brownies, piano, Kumon and stageschool. She loves it all and has made a variety of friends. She been doing activities since she was 4. Not sure what your problem is OP.

Relentlessly over-scheduling their children's free time - it's often a kind of competitive thing. Does depend a lot on the individual child, though.

This is a good summary, I think! I've just made this point on another thread - I think these days many kids (including my own!) lose the opportunity to learn how to occupy themselves creatively. They lose the opportunity to have time to read for pleasure in a meaningful way. Don't get me wrong; activities can be great and really help their development. As with most things in life, though, there's a balance to be struck.

My 11 year old has activities on

Monday (kayaking)
Tuesday (rounders after school club)
Weds (cricket after school club)
Friday (athletics after school club followed by swimming lesson)
Sunday (rookie lifeguards)

She made the choice to do all these things and she loves them. However, it was through me putting her into various activities when she was younger that helped her see what she liked and didn't like.

She has tried gymnastics which she didn't like and a dance class (which she liked but we moved and haven't found a suitable replacement).

It sounds to me like your wife is doing the best she can for the children. Sitting at home in front of the TV five nights a week teaches them nothing.

My 8 year old does various music activities, drama, dance and swimming. She'd love to take on more activities but we don't have the time it money. I too work and spare time can be spent taking her to activities. Swimming is a life skill and non negotiable, if I hadn't taken her to trials of the other things as a toddler she would have never tried them.