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Original poster

'I'm not getting any younger and neither are you'

85 replies

LottieandMia · 29/05/2017 22:48

So said a man I've been dating.

I'm 36 - I don't want any more children at all. This man is my age and apparently he wants another child before he's 40. This is a thing he has stuck in his mind.

AIBU to think this is a really rude thing to say. I already have 3 children and my youngest is 8. I am just at a point where I can get my career back as dd1 is starting residential school and he wants me to go back to square 1!

OP posts:
thenightsky · 29/05/2017 22:50

i don't know if it's 'rude' or it's a message.

He wants a child and you don't.

NoCureForLove · 29/05/2017 22:50

Well you can't stop him saying / thinking it, but you don;t have to agree!

Pallisers · 29/05/2017 22:51

It is not rude. He is telling you he would like a child before he is much older. Fair enough but if you don't want one you need to tell him straight.

pinkyredrose · 29/05/2017 22:51

If you don't want another kid don't have one. If he wants one he'll have to find someone else.

hesterton · 29/05/2017 22:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pallisers · 29/05/2017 22:51

And none of us are getting any younger :) That's a fact.

Snap8TheCat · 29/05/2017 22:52

No not rude, true isn't it?

You're not compatible though if he wants a child and you don't. It doesn't make either of you right or wrong.

ChicRock · 29/05/2017 22:53

Have you been very clear with him that you don't want any more children, or are you stringing him along?

JK1773 · 29/05/2017 22:53

Not totally unreasonable. It is a fact. If he wants a child and you don't it's game over anyway isn't it?

Slimthistime · 29/05/2017 22:54

If you've been clear about not wanting more children, it's a worry.

toopeoply · 29/05/2017 22:57

Not rude really. At least he's honest and open enough to tell you he wants another child. Up to you what you do with that information Smile

SandyY2K · 29/05/2017 22:58

I agree that it's not rude, it's a fact and it's relevant to him wanting a child.

Dawnedlightly · 29/05/2017 23:00

Have you made it crystal clear that you don't want children? If not you're stringing him along.
Stop obsessing about rudeness you sound like a child and have a grown up conversation.

Original poster
LottieandMia · 29/05/2017 23:03

I've told him I don't want any more children and that I am going to be sterilised.

He thinks he can change my mind.

The reason I think it's rude is that why would I feel the need for another child when I already have three?!

OP posts:
Original poster
LottieandMia · 29/05/2017 23:04

It's interesting how people assume I must be stringing him along Hmm

OP posts:
NellieFiveBellies · 29/05/2017 23:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
LottieandMia · 29/05/2017 23:10

I think that what bothers me is that he thinks i don't mean what I say. I have a bad feeling that he feels me being pregnant would put me in a situation where I need him. And that I must want to be on a relationship. I think he feels the need to be married etc but I don't.

OP posts:
Bigfurcat · 29/05/2017 23:13

Red flaggy that he "thinks he can change your mind" after you've made it clear. Childbirth is a massive emotional and physical commitment loaded towards the woman (is, YOU) You shouldn't need to get sterilised to "make the point".

Maybe if you were teenage/uni sweethearts there might be room for future negotiation but you have children and another would stretch your emotional/physical/time resources (and quite frankly, if you wanted no children due to wanting more time for yoga and manicures and magazines that would also be fine - you're a human being not a womb on legs)

Show him the door.

expatinscotland · 29/05/2017 23:13

Time to move on. He wants another child. You don't. The end.

Original poster
LottieandMia · 29/05/2017 23:14

Yes this is what pisses me off - I'm the one who would have to give everything up and his career would go on as normal.

OP posts:
Original poster
LottieandMia · 29/05/2017 23:15

I'm going to tell him we're not compatible

OP posts:
Bigfurcat · 29/05/2017 23:15

Also, I'd not even trust him enough to be intimate with him from this point on. He thinks he's "entitled" to another baby and the domestic services of a wife? Jog on.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 29/05/2017 23:17

It is a bit rude. It's usually a passive way of saying 'you're getting on a bit'.

You want different things and you need to be clear with each other now. If he's already got children then he'll have to be satisfied with that because you don't want to be his brood mare.

HeddaGarbled · 29/05/2017 23:20

The comment about 'not getting any younger' isn't rude IMO.

However, that's irrelevant really. You need to split up. He wants another child, you don't. He thinks he's going to wear you down if he keeps going on about it. That's making you angry.

Lots of people do have extra children when they are in a new relationship so it's not rude of him to have that hope. But it's very worrying that he isn't really listening to you and accepting what you are telling him. Red flag, I think.

Original poster
LottieandMia · 29/05/2017 23:21

Yes it is rude - I feel that when men say this to people they're trying to manipulate- i.e. 'You might not find anyone else so stick with me' and I don't look my age anyway

OP posts:
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