DP just told me to fuck off...

[Deirdresbelts]

In front of DS, because DP left a glass in the living room for four days. He finally noticed it this morning, asked if it was his or mine, told him it was his because I'd put mine away the other night to which he replied "So that's been lying there for four days?" I answered "Aye, I don't know why you didn't move it". His answer was "Why didn't you move it?" I replied that I was here to tidy up after myself and DS, not DP. That's when he told me to fuck off.

I came upstairs (was coming up anyway). He shouted at me that he'd remember that when he's cooking dinner tonight (actually I'd planned to have something different to him tonight anyway so makes no difference to me, plus I'm relapsing into anorexia so any excuse not to eat is great) and slammed the door. A second later DS came up crying telling me that his dad had slammed the door and he's frightened. All because a grown man won't tidy up after himself.

I know it's irritating when someone leaves a mess but for god's sake, why didn't you pick it up when you picked up your own glass? Just as it wouldn't have killed him to take it to the kitchen, it wouldn't have killed you, either.

What's the background to you not clearing both glasses in the first place?

I'm not saying it's a woman's job to clear them, but in a healthy relationship both pick up and no-one really notices or remembers who is doing it.

So something else is going on if you are refusing to clear up after him.

I put mine away before I went to bed that night Imperial. He stayed up after I went to bed. This is one in a long line of him leaving stuff lying around so I've decided to no longer tidy up after him.

with imperial here. This smacks of being a little petty to me! Yes he was wrong but out of context of how your relationship is I don't think we can really judge.

Ok so you're not tidying up after him, he's not cooking for you, you're both behaving pathetically.

Sorry but sounds like you deliberately caused that row for some attention.
You have a child ffs stop acting like one yourself.

My DP is similar in that he doesn't pick up after himself. I have had moments where I think I'll just leave it, he needs to learn to pick up after himself etc but actually he just don't notice that it's been there for days when he eventually moves it. Nothing dramatic like you've had.
Generally speaking DP and I work as a team and pick up the slack from each other, if that means my part of the team work is picking up some clothes off the floor, moving empty mugs and plates then it's not so bad IMO. DP does plenty for me too.

OP I think it's alarming you've slipped the anorexia thing in there like it's the most normal thing to say in the world. Does you family know you're relapsing?

I think he is in the wrong, unless you also leave things lying around and he picks them up? He swore at you for not clearing up his mess, so he is being ridiculous.

So the OP is apparently acting like a child because she refuses to tidy up after an adult yet the poor 'D'P is not grown up enough to clean up his own mess and instead of apologising for it he chooses to sewar at the OP and refuse to cook her meal even though hd is cooking anyway...

OP he is a manchild do not enable that behaviour. You are not his mother or his maid.

I agree with gamerchick. This is not usual and definitely not a good thing. Is there someone you can talk to about the relapse?

It's a glas ffs not a dinner set!

I wonder if you are not provoking it so he won't cook so you do eat something different.

I'm with you OP.

I'm sick of tidying and cleaning everything away after my DH. What was really pissing me off is that he started leaving his dirty clothes in whichever rooms he felt like, and then would get cross with me if it looked untidy and when he didn't have x item of clothing washed and ready to wear.

I have been sworn at for similar to you, and it's vile - especially in front of children.

I think your DH has been very unreasonable, and it's all the worse that you are battling with anorexia.

I really would have expected more support for you from other posters.

🌷🌹🌷for you OP.

There is never any excuse for swearing in front of a child ( how old is your DS?) as far as I'm concerned, especially not over something as petty as a glass left on the floor. Sounds like the issues described here are far deeper than who should have tidied what. Is your DP always like this?

It's a glas ffs not a dinner set!

Then why the fuck could he not tidy it away

For eveyone saying its nothing and the OP should just have moved it if its so simple why could the grown man who left it not tidy it away? .
Why is it the womans responsibility?

Oh, op.
Don't listen to the "you should have cleaned up after him" mob. Just don't. As for those using your eating disorder to hurt you and confirming that they'd have been as nasty as your H, they really aren't worth a moment of your time.
What support have you got for your eating disorder? Who can help you? As your H is scaring your ds with his horrible behaviour, is there anyone you can ask to decamp to for the day?

Op, an excuse not to eat is not great, in fact it's the opposite. I think that's the bigger issue here.

He did tidy it away though.... After asking whos it was. Which shows that the OP knew it as his and knew it was there the whole time.... Therefore deliberately showing how petty she was being

I think it's absurd that he should react that way when you pointed out to him that he could have cleared the glass away at any time in the previous 4 days. If he has form for not tidying up around the house and leaving it all to you, even after you've discussed it and asked him not to, then it's reasonable to leave him to tidy up after himself. You're not his paid housekeeper, you're one of two adults who share living together.

To swear, shout and slam doors, scaring your child, is utterly wrong and nothing excuses it at all. You didn't swear, shout and slam doors, he doesn't get to do it just because he's cross at you. Does he do that frequently if he is cross with you?

Is there anyone you can talk to about the anorexia? What things have been successful in the past at getting back onto an even keel with eating?