DP just told me to fuck off...

[Deirdresbelts]

In front of DS, because DP left a glass in the living room for four days. He finally noticed it this morning, asked if it was his or mine, told him it was his because I'd put mine away the other night to which he replied "So that's been lying there for four days?" I answered "Aye, I don't know why you didn't move it". His answer was "Why didn't you move it?" I replied that I was here to tidy up after myself and DS, not DP. That's when he told me to fuck off.

I came upstairs (was coming up anyway). He shouted at me that he'd remember that when he's cooking dinner tonight (actually I'd planned to have something different to him tonight anyway so makes no difference to me, plus I'm relapsing into anorexia so any excuse not to eat is great) and slammed the door. A second later DS came up crying telling me that his dad had slammed the door and he's frightened. All because a grown man won't tidy up after himself.

No deckoff you won't be the only one, but there are (probably) millions of women who have lost it enough to shout or slam a door, possibly enough to momentarily frighten their children. Doesn't make them abusive or dysfunctional, doesn't make them monsters who should be divorced asap.

If it's a common occurrence then yes, but if it's occasionally then no.

MN is a funny place.

Women are told time after time that men leaving their shit around expecting their woman to clean up behind them is disrespectful and treating them like a servant.

As soon as a woman posts she has had enough, isn't cleaning up behind one any more she is being petty!

She is not his mother, his maid or his servant.

He left it there, he can tidy it up. Why is it OPs job? She clears up after herself and her DC.

He like OP could have moved it at anytime in the last 4 days. He didn't because he decided it is her job to move his shit.

He like OP could have moved it at anytime in the last 4 days. He didn't because he decided it is her job to move his shit.

But he didn't see it. The OP knew it had been there for 4 days, the P didn't. He wasn't even sure if it was his or not.

So he wasn't leaving the OP to clean up his shit - he didn't notice it.

Not quite the same.

We're really sorry you're going through a tough time, OP . We hope you don't mind but when threads like this are flagged up to us, we like to post this link to the eating disorder charity, Beat

We're sure you know how important it is for you to get real life help and we hope that you can do so.

We'd also like to address the troll hunting going on in this thread. Troll hunting is against talk guidelines and we have taken down, and will continue to take down any such posts.

As always, if you have suspicions about a poster, please report directly to MNHQ so that we can take a look. For what it's worth, we have found nothing to suggest that OP is anything but genuine and in a very difficult situation.

Thank you.

He saw the glass and left it because he thought it was hers and therefore on her to clear it. (Operating on the same standard as the OP.) When he found out that he was wrong, she proved him wrong with the accurate history of his staying up later than she, he was triggered into an anger outburst.

She was right and he was wrong is what set this off.

Do you always have to tip toe around his ego?

Well, he could move out into a bachelor pad and then he would have to clear away everything after himself. He could also slam doors to his heart's content (and without frightening his child).

OP, there is no excuse for swearing before a child and making them feel frightened. And you're not his maid, nor his cleaner.

OP here. Unexpectedly busy after having posted so have just skimmed through replies. Certainly didn't engineer an argument to get out of eating, as I stated in the OP I had already planned something separate tonight. I am matter of fact about my ED online but of course am painfully secretive about it IRL. No one here knows me so I don't have to conceal it from anyone here. First developed it 12 years ago if you must know. Will read more as soon as I get the chance. Oh and I've no intention of drip feeding, I know how disliked that is on here.

He wasn't even sure if it was his or not.

So he wasn't leaving the OP to clean up his shit - he didn't notice it.

So why the fuck would he even ask the question? Because if it was the OP's, you think he'd have happily cleared it away?

He wanted to get angry about it, he just had to adjust his reasoning for getting angry.

But yes...the OP is the petty one? Christ almighty.

TheStoic

As you've quoted my post you've given the impression that I think the OP is the petty one.

I don't. I think both are at fault in this instance.

Yep, surely the normal response to being told it's your own glass that's been left out for 4 days is "woops, sorry, I should have cleared that away sooner", rather than having an aggressive argument including swearing, shouting, door slamming and scaring his own child. How is that ever ok?

If the OP can't have a sensible conversation about everyone doing household tasks then there's a big problem in the relationship.

There's clearly a background and a lot more to this with the "is that yours or mine" comment and you saying you are there to tidy after you and your ds.

If not it's a very dysfunctional relationship. I tidy up after dp - he has no idea where stuff goes and is shit at washing up - but he does other things to balance it out eg cooking tea, school drop offs, shopping etc. My mess/your mess doesn't sound like a partnership and while it's not on for him to expect you to tidy up after him all the time I can't say I blame him for the comment about dinner, I mean what did you expect? (I'm not mentioning the anorexia as I have no clue about that but I know it must be incredibly difficult)

Plus, I couldn't leave a glass around a child for 4 days to prove a point, accident waiting to happen.

Is one parent shouting "fuck off" at the other parent, in the presence of a child, ok then?

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all, OP. Unfortunately there are a lot of double standards on MN hence people thinking your DH can behave as he likes as 'he's a man'.

I no longer pick up anything of my DH's: I got sick of being a skivvy for him and with him leaving stuff everywhere then moaning about mess! Now if he leaves something somewhere it stays there until he moves it! He never does any cleaning or tidying anyway so never puts anything of mine away.

Is one parent shouting "fuck off" at the other parent, in the presence of a child, ok then?

Clearly so. I mean what was she doing out of the kitchen anyway!!
Surley she should be in there making him a sandwich.

Its depressing Auf when a man can swear at women infront of their child, slam doors and be aggressive and she is called petty and childish.

If it was no big deal to pick it up and tidy it away, why didn't he do just that when he noticed the glass. No, instead he asked her who owned it and made the big deal about it.

Has he a lack of respect like this for you in other areas of your relationship OP?

How did he know it had been left out for 4 days if he hadn't noticed it before.
If he had noticed it before and it was his why didn't he move it.
Doesn't make much sense to me.
All seems a bit passive aggressive

It takes a few seconds to put a glass away. Why did the dh not just clean it away then rather than feel the need to check who it belonged to?
Because he knew full well it was his from before and was angry that op had deliberately left it there. Then swore at her.
He's being a dick.

Yes you could've just tidied it and it would've been avoided but, like me, it does your head in to clean up after another adult all the time. You shouldn't have to and how will he learn if he can't see the natural consequences of not tidying up after himself, ie his stuff is left out.
Feel for you.

Time and again I've seen "Leave it where it is" or even "put it all in his side of the bed" advised on here. The glass was not lying anywhere that it would have been a risk to DS. DP knew it had been there that long because that was the last time he'd used that type of glass. I appreciate it may seem petty of me not to have moved it but as I stated in my second post this is the latest example in a very long line.

What I take issue with is the swearing in front of DS (which after having posted here DP did again, while I was trying to avoid him) and slamming the door and frightening him. I have sworn at DP before, certainly not claiming to be perfect, but literally never in front of DS and would never frighten him thus either.

Ffs, I can't believe the amount of people wanting the op to be the tidying fairy for her partner!

If it's 'only a glass', why the fuck didn't he take it out?

Yes all of it is shitty behaviour on his part.

Yes all of it is shitty behaviour on his part.