Always comparing myself, judging myself, beating myself up. Tell me what you think of my life?

[staryeyes00]

I am a single mum to 3 dc's. I am a student nurse also working. I'm exhausted ALL of the time.
I am a size 14-16 and I wobble alot. I don't like what I see in the mirror. I am always always trying to either diet, exercise more, stop drinking wine. Then i binge and stop going to the gym then beat myself up. I decide to date then I talk myself out of it, telling myself maybe lose a bit of weight first.
I am surrounded by people on diets who prepare food from scratch to people who run half marathons and are regular members of the gym. Also people having false eye lashes, teeth whitening to a new hair style each month.
Me on the other hand. I am boring. I have grey roots, my clothes are years old, I drink too much red wine and I don't eat properly. I don't even know if I'm happy?
My dcs are my life and we spend lots of time doing fun things but i think I have lost me. How can I be happy just the way I am? Or do I need a life makeover? I have lost my sparkle. I hope I am making sense here!

Posting this is a sign that perhaps ypu want something to change. How about small steps. Trying to eat a bit healthier?

My honest thoughts on your life as you have described it here:

Wow, what an amazing woman, a mother to three, clearly hard working to give her kids the best she can, whilst also trying to better herself by studying on top of all of that!! That's truly admirable. She makes me feel a bit silly with my gel nails and trendy t-shirt, she must think I'm everso fickle and air headed

'Spend lots of time doing fun things'.. you sound fab and fun

I think you definitely need to stop beating yourself up. You know full well there are people who judge you but there are also very many people who are too mired in their own affairs to care what you look like or how successful you are, and of course there are those who admire you too. Do not waste your life worrying about the trivial shit. I'm about to hit 40 and have spent my entire adult life and most of my childhood feeling inadequate. I'm starting to feel like I'm not going to do that any more.

Shayelle - I do try. I eat on the run.starve then over eat. Thankyou

CurlsLDN - Ohhhhh thankyou that made me smile. Of course not. I would love gel nails and some new trendy tops

I'm a student nurse with children, I have a DH but the other parts of your post are very similar to my life. When I first started the lecturers said this course will take over your life, they definitely weren't wrong

Jennifer - Thankyou I am about to hit 40 too. I have spent many years doing the same. I would like to do the same.

Fuckoffdaisy - it's hard going. Thankyou it really is. To the point I think am I happy? This is not supposed to be making me unhappy. I am envious of the people who seem to be 'coping'

It sounds as though you lead a full life, yet make time for the things that really matter - having fun with your children. You have a meaningful and worthwhile vocation, as a student nurse - you haven't just settled for A.N.Other office job like me.

I think those things mean much more than having the latest clothes and beauty treatments.

I wonder if you just need a bit more time that's purely for yourself - is that something you could fit in?

I don't think you should put your life on hold re. dating if your only reason is that you're not at your ideal weight. If you have the time and want to, you should go for it!

Overall, though, it sounds like you have a great life.

You are doing bloody great IMO! Hats off to you.

My DM was a lot like you at 40 and was a great role model to us IMO.

Take care of yourself by doing things you enjoy.

Asmoto - Thankyou The only time I get is when I study oh and when I take a long hot bubble bath
I don't have the confidence to date. I wish I did as sometimes I crave adult company. Someone with the same interests as me.

Dozer - thankyou All these lovely messages. I really wasn't expecting it. I thought maybe I needed kick up the bum.

Fuck me but you're a single mum to 3 kids AND a student nurse, that's hard bloody work! No wonder you feel a bit discombobulated.
Be kinder to yourself, you deserve it.

I think you are skipping all the easy fixes even though you see that other people use them.

I don't like what I see in the mirror
I have grey roots, my clothes are years old
people having false eye lashes, teeth whitening to a new hair style each month.

Fuck the six months of marathon training and quinoa salads. Start with the easy stuff. Get your hair done, eyebrows plucked, buy a new bra, an outfit that looks like it was bought this year, wear mascara if you like it.

Anyone who is a nurse and a single mum of three must be amazing by default.

I think it's easier to make small changes and take one day at a time. Focus on doing 10k steps a day (I bet you never sit down!) or eating 5 a day or having wine Thurs, Fri, Sat night only...

You sound like you know what's important bettering yourself and looking after your dc's. I work in an environment that means I'm surrounded by young people who still live at home spend all their money on themselves i.e., hair/makeup/going out , so know how you feel. I'm always busy with my kids and work and struggle like you to eat right but sometimes I think stuff it I'm doing everything and I deserve it. Eventually I will need to get a better more prepared approach to food but for you I'm sure when you qualify it will mean more time for you too and I wouldn't worry about it too much right now, you sound like you are doing amazing x

I have been a nurse for 8 years and being a student nurse is SO hard, I have no idea how I would have done it with three children. Massive well done to you for that!!

I think you just need to take care of yourself. Eat properly, drink lots of water, and make sure you get some rest. A pedicure or a new hair cut might give you a boost. Try and make some time for you, a hot bath a few nights a week with a good book, or a nice film? You sound like a lovely person, a fab mum. I wish you lots of happiness!

staryeyes - my life is a lot like yours... I'm on my own with 3 dcs... I work in an office job and spend my evenings helping with homework, taking to and from activities etc. But I know it won't have them at home forever so I try and make the most of it, and remind myself how lucky I am to have them.

I have very few relatives and sometimes it would be nice to have more adult support, not just company... but I can relate to pretty much everything you say... I joined a gym but have ended up paying for it but not actually going there, sometimes I eat well, sometimes just rubbish, overweight, old clothes...

lately, I have tried to make just one small change and stick with it - this week it is chopping an apple every morning and taking it to work in a Tupperware container, with some grapes, so at least I have eaten some fruit in work.

I try and add a new change every week... and keep the old one going as well... so now I'm doing overnight oats and the apple thing... I really know how to live, me!!

hugs to you :)

So you don't look like a wannabe TOWIE actress. You have an admirable profession ahead of you, you're a successful mum and I detect a sense of fun about you from your posts. Sounds like you've got a lot going for you from here. As to losing yourself, I think that is a natural consequence of being a dedicated parent - the day your first child arrives is meant to be the last day of you being the centre of your own universe.

You are a proper woman, that's what I think! You are a single mum who has fun with her kids. That's amazing. You are a student nurse, again good on you,

You are authentic and real and you think you need to improve because you 'wobble' a bit, my love any real man would be lucky to have you. Don't sell yourself short. You're amazing

One thing that I have noticed is that fact you are saying you have lost 'being you'.

I would start with that, looking after yourself. Little things rather than big major stuff.
Forget about the gym, the marathons and the diets.
Focus on one thing that you would really enjoy doing for yourself. Whatever that might be. Going to a singing class, doing some crafts, some gardening. Just one small thing that will remind you that there is more to life than studying (and looking after 3 dcs).
When you will have finished your course, then you will have a bit more time to spend being YOU.
Hang on there :)

Agree you sound amazing. I feel exactly the same except I'm not a student nurse nor a single parent and my kids have left home . Place marking though for practical tips. I'm gonna go shave my legs, then cut up an apple. Xxx

As it happens I've started making a little fruit salad to have with my lunch and I'm feeling rather smug about it. Surprising just how much half a grapefruit, a kiwi, 8 grapes and two strawberries can do for you.

Wow! I have just logged back on to read all these lovely messages. I can't begin to explain how that has made me feel, thankyou
To every single one of you, thankyou.
I am actually going to re read. I think I had too much pressure in my head. I definitely beat myself up way too much. Small steps it is.
I honestly wasn't expecting this response.

Not long qualified so still remember how all consuming the course can be, plus you've got kids who also make up a huge part of your identity as a mother

How do you feel about these parts of your identity? What do you want to add to what's already there? Does it have to happen now or after you've done your degree? Do you actually want the gel nails or just what it symbolises ie time and money to spend on yourself?

Practice compassion, start with yourself xxx