Always comparing myself, judging myself, beating myself up. Tell me what you think of my life?

[staryeyes00]

I am a single mum to 3 dc's. I am a student nurse also working. I'm exhausted ALL of the time.
I am a size 14-16 and I wobble alot. I don't like what I see in the mirror. I am always always trying to either diet, exercise more, stop drinking wine. Then i binge and stop going to the gym then beat myself up. I decide to date then I talk myself out of it, telling myself maybe lose a bit of weight first.
I am surrounded by people on diets who prepare food from scratch to people who run half marathons and are regular members of the gym. Also people having false eye lashes, teeth whitening to a new hair style each month.
Me on the other hand. I am boring. I have grey roots, my clothes are years old, I drink too much red wine and I don't eat properly. I don't even know if I'm happy?
My dcs are my life and we spend lots of time doing fun things but i think I have lost me. How can I be happy just the way I am? Or do I need a life makeover? I have lost my sparkle. I hope I am making sense here!

[TwitterQueen1]

1. Locate wine
   
2. Drink wine
   
3. Locate chocolate or similar
   
4. Eat chocolate or similar
   
5. Close eyes and tell yourself what a lovely, caring person you are
   
6. Repeat on daily basis

[nonameinspiration]

You sound like someone I would want to be friends with.

[ocelot7]

Walking is good exercise, is free & lifts your mood. A lot of people lose weight too (but I haven't!). Could you walk with your kids to some activities if near enough or at the weekend?

[rotterrome]

I think you sound wonderful.

We can't have everything perfect in life, however if you want to start making a few healthy changes, that should be manageable. Trying to over turn your life so that you become a pro-cook with a skinny waist and sparkly white teeth with 3 great kids, full of fun in a really difficult Job whilst studying is hugely unrealistic! Be kind to yourself and aim for healthier rather than perfect xx

[staryeyes00]

I just want to say. I am really thankful for everyone's messages of support. I have just read every one.
I love being a mum and I love seeing my dc's happy. I also feel proud of myself studying for a degree after my h left us. I honestly question my mental health sometimes as it's so so full on but I love learning and I know I will be the best nurse I can be. I do worry about the stress of it though.
I suppose it doesn't have to be now. I just know managing our mental health is important and to manage my mental health I feel it's important to 'feel good'
I have honestly taken on board everything everyone has said and today I tried not to compare myself to anyone.
I am way too exhausted for the gym plus we had easter bonnets to make. I am sat with a glass of wine but it's been non stop but we did eat super healthy for tea as I was super organised and made stew.
Thankyou again lovely lovely people.

[JenniferYellowHat1980]

I'm knackered just reading your update 😄 When I'm feeling past it and judged by or even just invisible to the twenty-somethings, I remind myself of how quickly that time in my life just flew by and think they'd better have something to fall back on when they're no longer the fresh-faced young things they are now. I'm not bitter

[Chocolatefudgecake100]

You are amazing op dont bash yourself

[Shayelle]

xx

[Ineedmorelemonpledge]

Do you get any time to yourself, OP? Do the kids go to their father?

I'm a full time working single mother, but only to 1 dc and I live by the seat of the pants most days, but you sound amazing - 3 kids, study and a bloody stressful job. Kudos to you my lovely!

On my EOW I try to do a big shop, blitz the house a bit then try and take an hour or two on myself. Sometimes it's soaking my feet and painting my toenails, soaking in moisturiser in front of the tv or getting my hair coloured and speaking to my lovely hairdresser once every 6 weeks.

If it wasn't for those snatched hours I couldn't get through it. It felt bloody selfish at first, but, if you don't look after yourself then who will?

I'm trying to eat a bit more healthily and I'm finding that making a huge bowl of couscous with veggies and having some pots of cottage cheese and hard boiled eggs ready on a Sunday night is really helpful for the week. But if I don't then I try not to beat myself up about it.

Then I eat chicken nuggets in front of the tv in my t shirt and pants.

Be kind to yourself. You're amazing!

[whattodowiththepoo]

Do you work at a hospital in south west London with a name that starts with K?

[staryeyes00]

Ineedmorelemon - I don't get much free time, unfortunately. Long story but their dad doesn't co-parent what so ever. I have begged him to many times but gave up a few years back. My mum will help if I ask her but rely on her for childcare when I work too. I do take time out for super hot bubble baths and one evening a week I make myself stay awake past 9pm to watch adult tv. We have a film night each week too as most days it's bonkers with. I am really trying to make an effort on finding me again.
Some days feel harder than others but reading, it's normal I guess.
Thankyou 😊 it's actually nice to hear people say I am amazing. It's something I never hear so honestly feel so much better.
No I am from Wales. There is obviously someone with the same issues as me living in London with the name beginning with K 😊

[RubyWinterstorm]

be kind to yourself.

Even in your own mind, speak to yourself in the way you would speak to a dear friend. Being down on yourself is a way to nowhere.

Think of your achievements (3 lovely kids, a hard worker with a career path) and stat being a bit "selfish", i.e. spending a bit of time and money on yourself.

[EivissaSenorita]

To me you are supermum and that's what your kids will remember when the grow up. Yes looks after yourself, eat healthily, a bit of exercise, but the rest, the Botox, fake white teeth, hair extensions, nothing worse than vanity and self obsession imo

[Ineedmorelemonpledge]

Then I'm even more in awe of you, Cariad!

Big cwtch to you, from another Welshie (albeit far away in another land).

[whattodowiththepoo]

You reminded me of a student nurse that I met after an operation, I still think about how much she helped in ways she couldn't have known.

[staryeyes00]

😘 thankyou all!

[staryeyes00]

What would be the reason for that Trich?

[CDAlady]

But it's not hidden. It's on active convos and I posting on it!

[JontyDoggle37]

Just an idea OP, if you want to drink less wine, and you want more money for getting you hair/nails/new clothes, how about a Trade-Off pot? Every time you fancybsome wine, you put the cost of your normal bottle in it towards something else you really want instead. Then it's a real reason not to drink wine rather than just 'i shouldnt', and it's a small change you can fit in amongst everything else. By the time you've not had wine 3 or 4 times it's probably enough to get your roots done!
(I don't have 3 dc, just one, but work 50-60 hours a week in the city, and have to manage horse, dog, and my elderly mum, so everyday feels like I need to be superwoman, and being rigorous about having time for me is really important. I'm very fortunate that I have a supportive husband as well, although he is similarly busy. We spend as much of daylight hours as possible with our son (he's 2) then fit everything else in around him.)

[Spudlet]

Do you know what op? You sound just like my mum was about 15 years ago - a single parent to three children and (in her case) doing a return to nursing course. I remember full well how shattered and busy she was. I admire her massively for turning her life around after being left in the lurch, and I admire you too!

It did also get easier for mum - she qualified (requalified I suppose) and started work, which was still hard but strayed into her 'at home' time less than studying does. She's now remarried to a lovely man who a colleague introduced her to, 2 of us have left home and she's a deputy ward sister, working part time. And she has time to do her hair and go running. Your life will get easier too! In the meantime, you are doing a brilliant job and your kids know it. They must be so proud of you, because I'm certainly proud of my mum.

[staryeyes00]

Jonty - That's actually not a bad idea Thankyou!
Spudlet - I am feeling quite emotional after reading your post. Wow good on your mum. What an achievement. I do wonder how my dc's feel. I sometimes miss things at their school and usually running around last minute searching for things like a yellow top they need to wear that they forget to mention until 8pm the night before or a lost trainer. I feel a little bit rubbish when I hear of mums baking for this and that. I question myself ALOT when I am running late for their clubs. Many of times I look at their little faces and think 'Am I doing the right thing'! I do hope all of this will be worth it. Reading your post gives me that hope so thankyou

[Ampersand22]

Single mum to 3
Student nurse
Working
Skint
Exhausted

You have got so much on your plate! You are doing all this and still beating yourself up? No need OP. Please please please try to eat properly though. Think of easy meals you can chuck in the oven. I had chronic fatigue when I was single, living alone and worked too many hours. I tried to reverse it all by diet and feel 100% better now. I ate every day, a baked potato, a baked chicken thigh and a dirty great big salad with toasted nuts and seeds in it, just a bag of rocket/watercress/spinach with things cut up into it, vary it a bit. Not very interesting but it was easy and nutritious and it's all that my imagination could manage at the time. Beware of getting malnourished, the most important thing to do right now is address the eating thing. The rest can wait while you're still studying. Please take care of yourself. Sending good thoughts x

[Ampersand22]

You are drinking wine because you are sad. I've been there too. You've probably got your reasons to be sad. But what I read is that you are a fighter and I respect and admire you, and you have got to start giving yourself that message too.

[staryeyes00]

Ampersand - I think I am trying to do too much at once. You're right. I was actually thinking this yesterday. I have to break it down and yes I have to start with the food and alcohol intake. Thankyou for that. I do need to start being kinder to myself. I am definitely going to try