Always comparing myself, judging myself, beating myself up. Tell me what you think of my life?

[staryeyes00]

I am a single mum to 3 dc's. I am a student nurse also working. I'm exhausted ALL of the time.
I am a size 14-16 and I wobble alot. I don't like what I see in the mirror. I am always always trying to either diet, exercise more, stop drinking wine. Then i binge and stop going to the gym then beat myself up. I decide to date then I talk myself out of it, telling myself maybe lose a bit of weight first.
I am surrounded by people on diets who prepare food from scratch to people who run half marathons and are regular members of the gym. Also people having false eye lashes, teeth whitening to a new hair style each month.
Me on the other hand. I am boring. I have grey roots, my clothes are years old, I drink too much red wine and I don't eat properly. I don't even know if I'm happy?
My dcs are my life and we spend lots of time doing fun things but i think I have lost me. How can I be happy just the way I am? Or do I need a life makeover? I have lost my sparkle. I hope I am making sense here!

You sound like a great intelligent mum. Really lovely.
A bit of spit n polish and you will probably feel better about yourself.

Thankyou Ktown indeed!

Brilliant, glad to hear that. I am trying to start a business at the moment and you should see my clothes and hair. Grey/mouse/ginger, holes and stains and safety pins on everything. Yummy.

But, it is because we are sacrificing short term fun for long term gain. We just have to take that view, that it will all come good in the end and you shall have beauty treatments galore one day. It sounds like you wouldn't have time for a relationship, so just knock that on the head for a bit, you are focusing on your career and long term prospects, and concentrating on your health and wellbeing.

You are not inherently boring, you are in a boring situation. Being tired and skint is boring, not you love. You're a Phoenix, don't worry about any of it.

My top tip is go charity shopping and get some nice floaty scarfs and shawls for the summer, makes it look like you have a whole new outfit. Some skinny ones for a hair wrap (you tube has loads of stuff on how to), covers up all the dodgy bits. I even use scarfs for skirts over a pair of skinny trousers, covers up your arse a treat :)

I am busy, I do have a dh but also 5 kids, full-time work and studying for my accountancy finals. The things I do to make me feel good are a face mask from lush, a scented candle and a bunch of daffodils/tulips, none of them expensive but they are not essentials and they feel like my little reward to myself when I'm am running from pillar to post. Also a walk with the kids somewhere nice, a woody park or by water also give me a lift. If you have spare money definitely get your eyebrows done as they instantly give your whole face a lift. It's amazing the difference they make. I think it's finding the little things that make you feel good. Sometimes if I'm being hard on myself especially before i go to sleep I will list 5 things that I was grateful for that day it helps me focus on the positive things in my life.

Old saying "Comparison is the thief of joy" - you are doing great and are amazing. I often start ruminating first thing in the morning if I wake before the alarm - so I just get straight up and get busy doing other things. Like someone suggested above - think of a few things that day you did well (got the kids to school on time, had fun with the DC etc.). Talk to yourself internally as if you were the best friend and advocate you could have - what would they say about you - be kind to yourself. These little exercises may sound silly but eventually they do work and help to develop better pathways of thinking.

I think you are working hard to improve yourself and to be qualified to do a really valuable job. Good for you. And all this whilst you are bringing up 3 kids.
Your negative stuff seems to be a lot about appearance but seriously is this what counts at the end of the day? You sound a great mum-roots and old clothes aren't what is remembered by children.

Thankyou everyone
Thanks for all the tips, definitely going to take them on board