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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How would you react if your partner said...

99 replies

Oxygenated · 05/02/2017 14:00

... that you need 'happy pills'?

My DH has accused me a handful of times of needing 'psychological help' and 'happy pills'. This comes after a disagreement if I think of things a different way to him. Curious to know others' reactions.

OP posts:
MyheartbelongstoG · 05/02/2017 14:02

My ex husband used to say this. Twat.

Notice the ex.

OFFFS · 05/02/2017 14:07

I'd seriously question why I was with him.

Original poster
Oxygenated · 05/02/2017 14:07

Interesting you say that. Honestly it's made me wonder if I am crazy - since having my baby almost 2 years ago i've wondered if i genuinely need some help because of my mood. But this latest disagreement was something and nothing and i don't know why he said it.

OP posts:
TeaStory · 05/02/2017 14:08

I'd think he was a gaslighting bastard.

TheElephantofSurprise · 05/02/2017 14:08

He's undermining you. Start planning your beneficial exit.

TheElephantofSurprise · 05/02/2017 14:08

Quietly.

PleasantPhesant · 05/02/2017 14:09

What's wrong with your mood op?
Do you feel like you need support of any kind or do you think you're fine?

Original poster
Oxygenated · 05/02/2017 14:10

I wonder what other people would actually say back, as soon as the person says 'You need psychological help/happy pills', what would your reply be?

I think I just flounced away from him last night when he said it. Would love a good reply if it happens again.

OP posts:
grounddown · 05/02/2017 14:12

Same as a PP
My ex used to say this....

5BlueHydrangea · 05/02/2017 14:12

Maybe he's right?? I wouldn't be too upset if my dh said it but we do talk/joke about things like that.
If it came out of the blue in anger I might not be happy but....

MrsDoylesTeabags · 05/02/2017 14:13

How does he say it? Do you think he's really concerned about you or just goading you?
It does have a hint of gaslighting about it, but he may be genuinely concerned and being a bit clumsy about it.

Original poster
Oxygenated · 05/02/2017 14:13

Sorry for all the X-posting, my computer is rather slow. Since I've had DS, I've been rather miserable, crying most days, no sense of humour, extremes of anxious, and one or two very strange episodes of having to lock me and DS in the house with all curtains drawn for fear of somebody coming to 'get' us. It's been torture and DH knows all of this and still chooses to use my psychological state as a weapon. For full disclosure I've felt better recently. Never been to a doctor with any of this either.

OP posts:
PleasantPhesant · 05/02/2017 14:14

I think I'd instinctively say something along the lines of "I think you should fuck off".

If you feel like you need support then speak to your gp.
If you think he's trying to make you feel like you're mad then you need to consider your options

PleasantPhesant · 05/02/2017 14:15

From your last post I would say yes you need to speak to a gp because you don't have to feel the way you do at times.

Original poster
Oxygenated · 05/02/2017 14:16

Example being,

Oxy: Could you put your phone down and help, DS is crying and I'm in the middle of (something else)

DH: You're always on your phone, why are you having a go at me?

Oxy: I just need your help instead of you sitting there. (admittedly aggravated by this point.)

DH: You need your happy pills.

Oxy: My happy pills? I don't take anything like that.

DH: Well you should. You're mental.

OP posts:
Original poster
Oxygenated · 05/02/2017 14:17

It's not that bad now. I feel like he's being a goady fucker and trying to make me think I'm being unreasonable for saying whatever I'm saying.

OP posts:
Teepish · 05/02/2017 14:21

My ex partner said things like this to me, I was actually very depressed at the time and couldn't figure out why - in hindsight it was because I was stuck with a very unsupportive, disrespectful and childish man.

Op there was no call for him to say that to you. Sitting there with his phone like a teenager - and so annoyed on your behalf

Is he supportive?

Talith · 05/02/2017 14:21

I am on Antidepressants and refer to them as happy pills and that description would not have bothered me in itself. The behaviour you describe of being tearful and anxious might make your partner feel you need help but it would be unfair to bring this up this in mundane disagreements or say it in a mean or aggressive way.

Like others have said if you feel you need support or help that is up to you.

My partner used to get furious at me for being withdrawn which was fucking excruciating because I couldn't help it. It was after some particularly hysterical crying that he backed off and gave me space and it was shortly after that I sought help.

Next time perhaps suggest that if he genuinely wants you to feel more secure he needs to back off.

Talith · 05/02/2017 14:22

He does sound like a particularly goady fucker.

tricornel · 05/02/2017 14:23

Based on your posts - I think it would be beneficial to see your GP as I think you recognise that you're probably not in the best place metal health wise. HOWEVER, your DH sounds like a prick. Is a form of gas lighting by the sounds of it - using your MH in arguments to destabilise you. He's not saying it in a caring way from a place of love and concern. Yes, you may need 'happy pills' but I think what would make you even happier is to fuck this gas lighting knobber off. It'

Jellybean85 · 05/02/2017 14:25

I can imagine this exact post being written by my mum! She was adamant my step dad was a gas lighting arsehole.
She would have described it like this and he would have seemed abusive and goody.
Thing is everyone else who was also trying to tell her to get help too!
Is it just your husband saying it? If anyone else has mentioned you getting help then consider it.
If not as pp said, probably time to ltb Flowers

Original poster
Oxygenated · 05/02/2017 14:26

He is supportive and lovely but last night I also got "One day you will realise just how lucky you are, you'd be fucked if i died tomorrow" So the support appears to come at a cost?

OP posts:
juliettaa · 05/02/2017 14:26

Based on your post at Sun 05-Feb-17 14:13:31 it sounds as if you would benefit from speaking to your GP; however that does not excuse the way your DH speaks to you. He sounds very unsupportive and spiteful.

Original poster
Oxygenated · 05/02/2017 14:27

My best friend thinks I should get help (obviously she's said it in a much more loving way than the blunt way in which i just have), my family don't seem to believe in that sort of thing, very old fashioned views when it comes to MH.

OP posts:
kaitlinktm · 05/02/2017 14:31

Perhaps he needs some grow up pills - or don't be an arse pills - or even fuck off pills.

If he has genuine concerns about your MH then he should not only discuss it with you properly, instead of just making a lazy-arsed throw-out remark but also try being more supportive.

I presume he only says this when you are asking for support or being critical of him. I wonder what he would say if you acted like a Stepford wife?