How would you react if your partner said...

[Oxygenated]

... that you need 'happy pills'?

My DH has accused me a handful of times of needing 'psychological help' and 'happy pills'. This comes after a disagreement if I think of things a different way to him. Curious to know others' reactions.

I think it sounds like he is finding it hard, and he has every right to, he sounds stressed and almost like hes starting to snap. giving what i have read from your posts, (i haven't read all of the thread) you sound like you could do with at the very least talking to your GP about how you feel. if you are getting to the point where you fear someone is going to get you, id say you would need some help as you shouldn't have to feel this way, and your partner shouldn't have to feel like he cant cope. maybe both of you can see someone either together or apart and figure how each other can cope with what stresses them, i see the 'happy pills' comment, as nothing more than his clumsy way of suggesting help, but at the wrong time and in the wrong moment. try and talk with each other and see what the other is struggling with.

Andtheband panic attack when? I am well seasoned in these, I presume you mean when I had to lock all the doors?

borrowed I've initiated the 'what's bothering you' conversation countless times to a blanket 'everything's fine'. DH could never admit there's a problem between us.

Yes, when you locked the doors, closed the curtains. (It happened to me too.) (Just guessing on my part, but something similar happened to me-but before I had my first.)
Do you have support from your parents?

DH has been extremely helpful with DS since the argument last night.

Google the cycle of abuse. He is being nice and helpful, but I am willing to bet he has not apologised for his comments or for berating you.
Besides he is not being 'helpful', he is looking after his son, this should be the norm, not worthy of note.

Yeah no apology and very good point, should be a given really.

What's that all about? Why is he refusing to apologise and being so awful and then doing precisely what I was 'moaning' about?

OP...the conversation you describe isn't OK. As others have said it's gaslighting and undermining, even if subsequent conversations are milder. It's still insidious.

As for how you're feeling, please see your GP. I was in such a pickle after the birth of my first baby and asking for some extra support was the best thing I could have done. You must not be made to feel crazy by the person who is supposed to love and support you. Talk to your HV as well. Here in Oxfordshire there's something called IPPS (Infant Parent Perinatal Service) and I don't know if there's the same service available where you. It doesn't matter what your family thinks. It's your life, your mind.

Sending good vibes.

I think it sounds like he is finding it hard

It seems to be looking after his own child that he finds hard, IMHO.

It's never OK to make nasty, fake "jokey" comments about a partner's mental health.

When he said those things it was deliberate, to hurt.

I would encourage you to seek help though. Medication or not. For your own sake. Your H doesn't need to know.

How would I react?
With disbelief as I wouldn't be with someone who clearly does not care about my well being.

RE the pnd/anxious feelings. I've felt much better lately. I should have gone a year ago when I was initially feeling horrible but didn't. So Im not going to the GP now. But I agree DH is gaslighting this way

Using mh against someone is EA.

My ex knew I had anxiety and tried to make me feel I was irrationally jealous and paranoid. So off I trotted to cbt, my therapist has known me for years. After the end of session said woman to woman, an abusive prick, will always be an abusive prick, and if anyone could spot one a mile away, it would be me with everything I've been through.

I kicked him out and went nc best thing I have ever done lol

The man is back to being lovely again today, speaking of the lovely things he hopes he and DS can do in the future.

That's manipulative too - there's a phrase for spinning lines about the future.

There's a big difference between being depressed and being justifiably pussed off.

If you were justifiably pussed off that makes your behaviour a product of his. If it's depression fixable by happy pills in his mind that let's him off the hook.

It is strange because so far his 'outbursts' are fairly few and far between and only started when ds 20m was born.

No, not strange at all; he had to share you with DS when DS was born and normally there would have been expectations that he also give up his own time too to care for DS. The world ceased to revolve around him.

I'm sorry but I repeat depression is a very common debilitating and utterly miserable condition.

Get help, ignore the " pull yourself together" people.

not quite sure the " happy pills" fix this......rather more complex than that

I would still see my hv or Gp about your feelings pnd is very common hecwont necessarily give you pills just getting some support from hv may help.

Your oh on the hand needs some 'dont be a dick' pills. He is putting you down to avoid discussing anything where he might just be wrong and that's not on.

You do sound like you might be quite unwell, but from your descriptions he also sounds like a twat.

Honestly everyone seems to be being awful lately, which makes me think it's my own problem not anyone else

don't think its either your problem or everybodys problem. You sound as if you are struggling so get help and take it from there.

Would you just carry on and ignore a broken leg?