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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Something bothered me about new man...

84 replies

Peppalpaca · 13/01/2017 22:25

I have started 'seeing' a man (met online, i've only met up with him in real life once, we speak a lot)

We have a second date arranged soon

While speaking today he called a guilty pleasure of mine 'shit' (admittedly it's not the most intellectual of pursuits but i enjoy it none the less)

This has bothered me, but I have been a little stressed throughout the day so it could be pms coming on as i do get stressed when that comes.

Is it normal to be bothered by that? It has lessened my opinion of him somewhat. I don't go around calling things that he likes shit that I don't like (just met so i'm on my best behaviour). Is there a chance he could be flirting? I just don't know what to think so I'd really appreciate the help before I slow things down with him. I don't think he should be getting some comfy so quickly as to call what I like shit?

Sorry if haven't come across very mature

OP posts:

Vidorra · 13/01/2017 22:29

Depends what it is. I had a guilty pleasure of 'Real Housewives' a few years ago don't judge me but I would have happily admitted it was shit

Original poster

Peppalpaca · 13/01/2017 22:30

Vidorra yeah it's a tv programme too, i think i might just be being a bit precious :P I think it was the way he said it that bothered me too

OP posts:

SaltySeaDog72 · 13/01/2017 22:30

Was this a text convo or actual phone convo?

Because by text it's impossible to know. Whereas in an actual conversation I think you'd get a better sense.

Whichever way, you've only met him once so I wouldn't let it bother you overly. Just keep thinking whether you like him rather than what he thinks of you...

ALaughAMinute · 13/01/2017 22:30

Is there a chance that he thought he was being funny and expected you to laugh?

I think you're probably reading too much into it. Maybe you should give him another chance then decide.

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 · 13/01/2017 22:31

What do you mean by speaking? Do you actually mean typing / texting? If he said shit in a text id be less stressed over it than actually speaking it, because you could easily tell the tone from the verbal and you know whether ot would have been a concern from the tone. Did you discuss it further? To make sure you knew what he meant?

I watch neighbours. I have a professional job and a Masters degree. I love neighbours as it is brain-switch-off tv. Ive had people question that in a condescending fashion, but then they watch british soaps which i think are depressing.

loobyloo1234 · 13/01/2017 22:32

This happened to me once OP. I had to finish things. Found it so condescending and judgmental ... but I guess it depends what it is and if you're likely to remain interested in this hobby/thing

clumsyduck · 13/01/2017 22:33

All depends on context really
Calling a to program shit for me would be fine if dp said this to me Infact he does " oh your watching that shit again " said in a jokey way at some trash I'm watching but it would be different he called a hobby or something I'm invested in shit

So for me in your scenario I wouldn't mind as long as was said in humour in a poking fun kind of way

HateSummer · 13/01/2017 22:34

Do you watch The Kardashians? Or Big Brothwr? If it's either of the 2, I agree with him.

pallasathena · 13/01/2017 22:34

He's a judgey pants which means he has fixed ideas about most things. Once you stop being on your best behaviour with him you'll notice this more and more I expect.
Give him the benefit of the doubt for now as its still early days but have your twat radar tuned up just in case.

Riversiderunner · 13/01/2017 22:34

I think MIC is shit but my husband likes it!

It doesn't matter. But if he made you feel weird that might be something else.

Vidorra · 13/01/2017 22:43

I wouldn't worry too much about a tv programme. I think dp's favorite movie is boring bollocks but she hates some of the movies I love too.

If it was something you do or he turns out derisive about other things, I would bin.

WellErrr · 13/01/2017 22:45

I think, based on this one thing, you are being totally precious and over the top.

CondensedMilkSarnies · 13/01/2017 22:47

I bet it's Judge Judy !

Original poster

Peppalpaca · 13/01/2017 22:49

Thank you all for finding the time to reply, each and every one is very useful and informative.

It was a phone call sort of thing so I heard the tone of his voice.

I'll give him the benefit of the doubt but keep an eye/ear out for anything increasingly judgemental to crop up

OP posts:

Destinysdaughter · 13/01/2017 22:50

Need more info OP!

BobbieDog · 13/01/2017 22:51

Dh likes football and I very openly tell him it's shit.

He told me yesterday that I don't half talk garbage sometimes when I'm discussing buying baby items with him

Aquamarine1029 · 13/01/2017 22:51

It would have bothered me because it's just rude. Especially given that you've just started dating, most people are on their best behavior. It makes me wonder what he's really like.

dovesong · 13/01/2017 22:53

Depends on the way he said it. If it was in a "you're stupid for watching that" voice, DITCH. If it was "ha ha we all watch some shit sometimes!" voice, totally fine.

notagiraffe · 13/01/2017 22:55

Maybe he's just refreshingly honest. As long as you're allowed to admit you think football is shit - just grown men kicking a ball around a field for obscene amounts of money (could just be my own sexist prejudice kicking in there) then it's fine. the warning signs are if he's allowed to call your taste shit but you're not allowed to do the same to him.

Original poster

Peppalpaca · 13/01/2017 22:57

I don't want to out myself, but he asled me what he could hear in the background. I said it was 'such and such'. He said something like 'you do watch some shit'. I might be being precious but i've seen him in person for 5 hours, though i do appreciate every point of view

OP posts:

HarryPottersMagicWand · 13/01/2017 23:00

I frequently tell DH what he's watching is shit. And he does to me. He also has a Star Wars t shirt that I call his nerdshirt. But we have that type of relationship.

I'd be on my guard a little bit given you were disturbed about the tone of his voice.

What was the programme? I used to love My Super Sweet 16 which I will acknowledge is utter shite.

WaterLilie · 13/01/2017 23:01

It depends on the context but if you're worried, then it doesn't sound great. If he dismisses something you enjoy as being shit then I wonder if he could be controlling.

Destinysdaughter · 13/01/2017 23:01

Well it's pretty judgmental and rude to say the least. It would certainly put me off someone if they said that to me....

HarryPottersMagicWand · 13/01/2017 23:01

That is the exact thing I say to DH!

Was it Enders? DH hates it and always moans that I watch it. He usually does the dishes whilst it's on.

Happybunny19 · 13/01/2017 23:03

If it was reference reality TV he has a fair point.

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