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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Something bothered me about new man...

84 replies

Peppalpaca · 13/01/2017 22:25

I have started 'seeing' a man (met online, i've only met up with him in real life once, we speak a lot)

We have a second date arranged soon

While speaking today he called a guilty pleasure of mine 'shit' (admittedly it's not the most intellectual of pursuits but i enjoy it none the less)

This has bothered me, but I have been a little stressed throughout the day so it could be pms coming on as i do get stressed when that comes.

Is it normal to be bothered by that? It has lessened my opinion of him somewhat. I don't go around calling things that he likes shit that I don't like (just met so i'm on my best behaviour). Is there a chance he could be flirting? I just don't know what to think so I'd really appreciate the help before I slow things down with him. I don't think he should be getting some comfy so quickly as to call what I like shit?

Sorry if haven't come across very mature

OP posts:

LRDtheFeministDragon · 13/01/2017 23:03

You are entitled to be as 'precious' as you like - you don't owe him a relationship! And there are loads of other nice men out there, so why waste time on someone who has rubbed you up the wrong way - unless you think he's otherwise worth it?

You've met him once. At this point, you could dump him because you found it impossible to get over the fact he was reading the Telegraph and you prefer the Guardian, and it wouldn't matter. You don't have to justify it to anyone.

Hippee · 13/01/2017 23:05

Most people call my musical taste shit - it doesn't bother me. DH hates the Bee Gees, but I still love him

Earlgreywithmilk · 13/01/2017 23:06

If it's the new series of 'not going out' you were watching I'm afraid he has a point..

AnnieAnoniMouse · 13/01/2017 23:07

you do watch some shit wouldn't bother me. I don't watch soaps, but recordings of tipping point are my guilty pleasure right now. If someone called me out on that I'd agree & laugh. It's not like he's saying it's shit about something you've put a lot of yourself into.

Original poster

Peppalpaca · 13/01/2017 23:07

It was just an entertainment show, the one that was on wasn't even anything i regularly watch it was just on at the time

He has a stupid hobby which I think is immature, i might remind him next time it crops up into conversation. Mwahahahaa

OP posts:

Mummyamy123 · 13/01/2017 23:08

Sorry OP you're being a teeny bit precious here......it's a TV programme he's calling shit not anything personal.
Unless it's Call the midwife he called shit. In that case LTB

Lynnm63 · 13/01/2017 23:08

He might be sitting at home thinking omg I've blown it I've told peppalpaca that what she watches is shit, she'll probably dump me over it. In that case I'd assume it was a brain not in gear comment moving forward I would be on the lookout for controlling behaviour. It's perfectly acceptable for him to think the show you like is shit as long as he doesn't move on to why are you watching that shit and trying to modify your behaviour.

WyfOfBathe · 13/01/2017 23:13

If DH called something I like "shit" I would be offended, because he really dislikes swearing so he'd be being deliberately rude.

But some of my mates say "shit" much more casually and so if one of them said "shit tv" I would know they just meant trashy/reality rather than that they actually dislike it or are trying to offend.

If you haven't spent much time together, I guess you can't judge where he is on the swearing scale yet so I would wait and see how another date goes - if you want another date of course.

Italiangreyhound · 13/01/2017 23:13

Peppalpaca "While speaking today he called a guilty pleasure of mine 'shit' (admittedly it's not the most intellectual of pursuits but i enjoy it none the less)"

Slightly worrying, to me it suggests he is not worried about impressing you with his best behavior, a bit disrespectful, I think.

"This has bothered me, but I have been a little stressed throughout the day so it could be pms coming on as i do get stressed when that comes."

If it still bothers you next week take it more seriously, if it goes away and isn't replaced by any other horrible feelings, then maybe it is fine.

"It has lessened my opinion of him somewhat." i don't blame you.

But what really worries me is this... "Sorry if haven't come across very mature".

You have come across as perfectly mature.

SirVixofVixHall · 13/01/2017 23:14

Well I think that is a really rude thing to say to someone you hardly know. I might say something jokingly insulting to DH or a very old friend , but that is a completely different scenario. I think he sounds like the kind of man who could become critical and controlling, and the fact it bothers you makes me wonder that even more, as you heard the tone. Don't talk yourself out of being bothered by something that clearly bothered you. You hardly know this man. You could tell him that you thought he was quite rude ? See how he reacts?

Imfree · 13/01/2017 23:19

I know what you mean. My exh spoilt my enjoyment of everything with his scorn and derision. He used to do that with tv programmes I liked except his word was 'crap.' He would come in the room where I was sitting happily, watch 10 seconds of the programme and storm out shouting, this is crap. Like you, I would never have made an insulting comment about things he liked.

I had one hobby for years and I never even told him I did it as he would have scoffed. It is horrible to feel like that. So I don't think you're being sensitive at all. I would be offended.

Dappledsunlight · 13/01/2017 23:22

You've only met him recently so I think it's rude personally but many would feel that's being oversensitive. He sounds disrespectful. What will he be like once you get to know him....Worse??

TheNaze73 · 13/01/2017 23:23

I think you're being a bit prescious.

gillybeanz · 13/01/2017 23:25

My dh thinks my interest is shit, I couldn't care less.
I don't like some of his either.
It's never caused any problems and celebrate silver anniversary this year.

Ginkypig · 13/01/2017 23:27

It's difficult to answer because we weren't there to hear it but I think it depends on the tone really doesn't it?

If it was said in a jokingly teasing manner or if it came acrossin a deadpan im judging you tone changes how I would feel about the comment.

It is a little odd though considering you don't really know him and for me I'd be on the look out for future "comments" which is not the greatest start to a relationship.

PickledCauliflower · 13/01/2017 23:28

I thought that was the whole point of guilty pleasures? Enjoying something that it is generally seen as a bit crap?
He may well have said it - in agreement that it's a guilty pleasure, so not great.
If it's the only thing that's making you doubt him, I would pass over it.

Allalonenow · 13/01/2017 23:30

He's only met you for a few hours yet already he is critisizing your interests and habits?

What will he be like six months months down the line, telling you what to wear and what you can spend your money on?

FrameyMcFrame · 13/01/2017 23:32

Need to know what you were watching really in order to say if he's a twat or not...

PickledCauliflower · 13/01/2017 23:33

But was the context of his remark in discussing guilty pleasures?
When I'm discussing this with friends / colleagues we try to out do each other - with how bad our guilty pleasures are!
If he critised you personally, I think that would be different all together.

rollonthesummer · 13/01/2017 23:36

Depends what it was. Is it shit!?

Original poster

Peppalpaca · 13/01/2017 23:37

I'm going to talk to him again soon and see if anything else crops up. It's good to be alert. My judgement up to this point has been rather crap in regards to men!

And thank you Italiangreyhound

OP posts:

CondensedMilkSarnies · 13/01/2017 23:43

I personally would take that as being light hearted on his behalf , but it doesn't matter what I think. It's how you feel.

Trills · 13/01/2017 23:43

LRD is right that you don't owe him anything and can drop him at any time for any reason.

I wouldn't personally consider "you do watch some shit", if said in a friendly voice, to be a reason to do that.

But if you do, that's totally OK.

GimmeeMoore · 13/01/2017 23:44

Think you're overthinking it,which given its new it's to be expected.

BubblingUp · 13/01/2017 23:59

I'd ditch. If I wanted to listen to someone pass judgment about me, I'd chat with Mother. I don't want to hear it from a man I dated once. Yuck.

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