Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Dd has met daddy's girlfriend.

84 replies

Teepish · 01/01/2017 21:43

I asked her if she enjoyed the fireworks last night. She said yes, and so did X (the gf). She said she met daddy's friend X at Christmas. She said she put plaits in her hair for her and the three of them went to the soft play.

Its been less than 6 months since we Dh and I parted. X was the other OW. I found out that Dh was having a full blown relationship with her behind my back for months, all his work colleagues knew. She is also a work colleague.
She has net Dh's family and been out with them. I am but a mere memory now.
I am very happy to be split from him and his family but this new piece if news and hurt me. I knew it was going to happen eventually....but it hurts and stings.

I feel so very, very alone.

OP posts:

Sweets101 · 01/01/2017 21:47

It does hurt. Hurts like a bitch. It does fade though. In the meantime it's OK to feel hurt and sad about it away from DD

Original poster

Teepish · 01/01/2017 21:50

I'm just sitting here in all the pain crying.

I tried to be extremely blasé and asked what else they all got up to today and did said " oh mummy I feel like talking about something else now." And then after a long pause, "mummy I love you all the world."

She knows, she is such a clever little thing. She knows.

OP posts:

WynterBlossom · 01/01/2017 21:50

My best friends boyfriend who she has 2 kids with, had an affair and left her for her best friend.

Him & OW are now married with a child together...however my friend has now got over it completely, doesn't mind sending her kids off to ex & ex best friend.

Of course, friend & ex best friend are only on talking terms for the kids sake

Original poster

Teepish · 01/01/2017 21:53

I bet she was devastated, wynter.

OP posts:

Blobby10 · 01/01/2017 21:57

Teepish- I know exactly where you are coming from as my ex took his new partner to his mums on Boxing Day with our kids . Ok kids are old teenagers but it still hurt as I haven't found anyone who wants me and I was jealous as well as incredibly hurt by his insensitivity!

Sending you a hug in case it helps

KittenDixon · 01/01/2017 21:58

She does know Teepish and she will do anything she can to make your hurt ease.

I remember seeing how hurt my mum was during my dad's infidelity and when he moved on to new women after she threw him out. It's something I could never forgive my dad for, and it has helped me choose friends and partners who prioritise loyalty.

and wishes for a better 2017 Teepish, you and your DD deserve it.

Original poster

Teepish · 01/01/2017 22:04

Thank you.

Dd loves her dad. She is only 5 so just thinks we decided to be friends and live in different houses (we are not friends in the least.)
I wish I could tell her what a callous, false,childish and selfish individual he is.
It appears to be all Happy Families on his side and here I am sitting at home on my own.
Why is life so great for him and im here lonely. Its all so terribly unfair.

OP posts:

Original poster

Teepish · 01/01/2017 22:12

I'm so confused. Deep down I still actually want him to just put his arms round me and tell me he is sorry - just so so sorry for all the cruelty and betrayal.
And then just be civil and normal with me for dd

But he isn't sorry, and he makes everything difficult, everything has to be on his terms otherwise I'm being unreasonable. I am so completely heartbroken, him and his family have broken me.

OP posts:

angryangryyoungwoman · 01/01/2017 22:13

It's not great for him or her really though is it? He's a prick and she is in a relationship with him!
Don't worry, you are well shot of him and life will get better for you

KittenDixon · 01/01/2017 22:14

You don't need to tell her Teepish. Children are a lot more insightful and astute than they are often given credit for.

You don't need to tell her, she will see for herself. She needs to see her mum and dad continue to get on and look after her. Anything else will set up problems, internal strife for her in later years. Keep protecting her from that. Vent here about him if you need to.

It might seem like happy families now, but it's all based on lies and deceit. All the OW has done by becoming his partner is create a vacancy. A few years on and that idyllic scene will be broken beyond repair too.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 01/01/2017 22:14

My ex left me in june 09 (Was an utter cunt too) i went to his parents for christmas that year. The arseholes tried to ambush me with his new girlfriend while was battling PND and trying to deal with him leaving me for another woman (Not the gf mentioned)

It's been 7 years since we spilt, hes has 3 girlfriends, married the third, all introduced to DD very quickly. I'm still single and you know, I fucking like it that way. He's someone elses problem and I dont have to put up with his whingy, chip on shoulder, selfish ways.

Runningissimple · 01/01/2017 22:20

You are being so generous for the sake of your child. This happened to me. It's horrible and hurts like hell. Selfish fucker.

Your daughter will eventually understand more (when she's older) and really appreciate how well you behaved. Big hugs.

Original poster

Teepish · 01/01/2017 22:20

I couldn't even bring myself to have any intimacy with him properly for several years, because underneath I just couldn't trust him, it was as if my whole body rejected him. This made him increasingly unhappy and he most likely confided in his family about me so they are probably over the moon I'm gone. But they don't know how feckless, and irresponsible, and uncaring he was when dd was a baby. They don't know how resentful I became, or that I ended up with depression and anxiety due to his lack of support and care.
I don't even know if he realises how uncaring he was

When I threw him out he told me his gf was a real woman, unlike me. He called me a frigid, ugly bitch. Which is how I feel still.

I'm so sorry, I'm venting a lot now

OP posts:

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 01/01/2017 22:24

When I threw him out he told me his gf was a real woman, unlike me. Ie, is blind to or puts up his shit.

He called me a frigid, ugly bitch. Which is how I feel still. He is an ugly, whiny bitch, too stupid to understand his very being repulsed you.

He's a cunt, you dodged a bullet, you'll be fine.

WynterBlossom · 01/01/2017 22:27

Vent as much as you need OP, get it out of your system.

It'll get easier, my ex from 6 years ago is getting married to the second gf after me, he's got a baby with her & I couldn't care less he's happy with someone, I'm not bitter or angry with him, I honestly just feel nothing for him.

Original poster

Teepish · 01/01/2017 22:31

TaliZorah you wouldn't believe the blame I laid on myself for ever single flaw in our relationship - I went to counselling to try and figure out why I was so unhappy but ended up filling all 10 sessions talking about the first affair I discovered instead. I blamed myself for it. He seemed remorseful for that one. Unfortunately it gave him the strength to have another one, this time he was so brazen about it, everyone knew apart from me.

He told me I had a serious problem because I never wanted sex. I believed I did, and that I was a misery and was lucky to have him at all.

Had the situation been reversed, I'd have questioned why my partner felt so disconnected from me and want to talk about it.

I was repulsed at the finish, I was.

OP posts:

Original poster

Teepish · 01/01/2017 22:33

Wynter I just wish I could fast forward time until all these feelings have died off. It is relentless.

OP posts:

Runningissimple · 01/01/2017 22:33

You will be fine but talk and vent and talk some more. I think it's very traumatic being in a shitty relationship and then discovering an affair. You need to get it all out of your system, like a poison, so you can move on.

I'm 14 months on and I'm still traumatised but I can feel that I'm slowly beginning to emerge.

I had dreams where my ex acknowledged the hurt he caused me. It's so hard to accept that he will never understand what he did to you.

But you can find other people who will listen and hear you and hug you. They can help you heal and move on.

WynterBlossom · 01/01/2017 22:38

Unfortunately regardless of how much I hate saying this....these things take time, having a relationship can mean a lot however having a child can mean having a deeper emotional investment....which means taking longer to get over.

I'm only 6 weeks in, although by bedtime I couldn't care less by morning I struggle with the hurt all over again, I know in time il get over it, however even though me and him are soon to have a baby, I couldn't think of anything worse than seeing his face again.....NC is better for me, I think I'd struggle more if we spoke.

I know of course for you, that's not possible.

Original poster

Teepish · 01/01/2017 22:38

I am awaiting counselling again to process the pain and anger that he wouldn't let me have.
The angrier I got at him for what he did, the nastier and more aggressive he got with me, so I've had to learn to disengage as much as possible. I tend to just sit and cry to get some kind of emotional vent.

I thought I was doing okay tbh. I saw in the new year on my own with my favourite TV series. Now I feel small and alone.

OP posts:

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 01/01/2017 22:39

Teepish, believe it or not, those feelings will make you stronger over time. After the way he treated me (He left me the day I overdosed, because the PND made worse by his cheating got so much) it hurt so bad.

Now, I know, no man will ever get the change to treat me like he did. I wont take shit from any man, I've come too far to go back to that frightened woman again.

Original poster

Teepish · 01/01/2017 22:40

Wynter have you just split with your childs dad, I'm so sorry. You sound very strong and capable.

OP posts:

Original poster

Teepish · 01/01/2017 22:43

I'm sorry to hear that Tali, I can't imagine the pain you went through.
I'm actually a little scared of who I'm going to become after all this. Dh is the last in a line of awful men I've been in relationships with and I know my life won't ever be the same from now on. Its as if I've finally learned.

OP posts:

Leslieknope45 · 01/01/2017 22:47

'Mummy I love you all the world'- your DD sounds absolutely lovely. You've clearly done a great job raising a bright and sweet little girl.

monicabling · 01/01/2017 22:48

I've recently been introduced to this new world of pain that is our DC meeting EXs new gf. I made a thread on it recently too. Got a lot of great advice which namely equates to channeling all this energy into creating a better life and moving forwards (even in babysteps). That and be kind to yourself and give it time. I'm still slowly figuring out how to implement this myself.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread