Dd has met daddy's girlfriend.

[Teepish]

I asked her if she enjoyed the fireworks last night. She said yes, and so did X (the gf). She said she met daddy's friend X at Christmas. She said she put plaits in her hair for her and the three of them went to the soft play.

Its been less than 6 months since we Dh and I parted. X was the other OW. I found out that Dh was having a full blown relationship with her behind my back for months, all his work colleagues knew. She is also a work colleague.
She has net Dh's family and been out with them. I am but a mere memory now.
I am very happy to be split from him and his family but this new piece if news and hurt me. I knew it was going to happen eventually....but it hurts and stings.

I feel so very, very alone.

My ex left me when I was 19 weeks pregnant, I'm now 25 weeks.

He didn't tell me, just fucked off.

I know deep down, we shouldn't have been together, it just happened and he treated me like shit & will our son if he gets a chance to see him.

Please don't ever put yourself down, you are clearly doing a great job as a mother, just because he's with someone & "seems" happy, doesn't mean he is.

No one wants to share their children with the OW, you are very strong & doing the best for your daughter who clearly loves you

Your little girl is a poppet, but she isn't just saying it, she means it. She does love you more than anything in the world.

Your ex sounds like a selfish, abusive arse.

I hope this year gets easier xx

He told me I had a serious problem because I never wanted sex. I believed I did

Well you were right, you did. Now you don't because you've divorced it.

For dd to be so loving, caring and kind is amazing really considering her father and I showed little affection towards each other during her life. I spent most of her 5 years being depressed, crying or shouting so I pretty much ruined what should have been happy years. She also knows how to be mean to me and lashes out passionately but I do know this is normal for her age. I constantly worry about her though.
Monica I hope you're doing okay, this is really awful to go through. I have spend the last 5 months trying to channel all this angst into positive actions for my own life, and it has worked out well so far. But I've crashed and burned tonight.
Wynter you are very wise. I hope you have plenty of family support around you.

He will probably cheat on this new gf to, I don't know how a woman can ever trust a man she has an affair with!

He's a total prick and I hate him for you. I just don't understand men who fail to be loyal to their partners but more, I don't get women who will be the OW. Just how cruel, uncaring, selfish and lacking in morals does a woman have to be to knowingly play the role of the OW.

Well done you! I do not think I am strong enough to have restrained my fury in the way you did. You should be proud of the way you responded and keep it up. You are obviously a fantastic mother to that little girl.

I'm a year on from you. But your story could be mine. I was made to feel a freak as I couldn't have sex with him. He used it as an excuse as to why I made him cheat.

We are now divorced, I own our old home. The kids like the OW and for that I am 'now' grateful. It would be even harder to send them to someone who they didn't like.

I've been to counselling and it's helped immensely. It took me weeks to realise I'm not a freak, it's normal and healthy to not find your abuser sexually attractive.

I'm just starting a new relationship and I can't keep my hands off him. I wasn't and never was the freak, stupid, ugly, fat. I've learnt that their behaviour is a reflection of their own unhappiness. It was never a reflection of me.

I have never felt so content, don't get me wrong dealing with an ex who happens to be a narc is hard but I'll take it to be free.

I have no idea how the pair of them can be truly happy, really. Their relationship has unstable foundations, it was built on lies and deceit, as you have all said. The other day dd told me daddy had a funny app on his phone that gave her dog ears and a dog tongue, etc. I said oh that's called Snapchat.
Well I don't have that or really understand it. But the first thing I thought was, "good luck to his gf trusting him with that, and god knows what else on his phone".
His phone had two sets of passwords as security settings. He conducted allsorts of sordid business on it. I do not miss the awful feeling I had when he put it in his pocket every time he left the room.

Kitty sadly I was just very frightened of him by the end. I had terrible anxiety and just receiving a text made me have stomach cramps.

Chuckle yes I know what it's like to feel like a freak
Your post gives me hope. I can't begin to imagine what sort of man I might attract next, but I know he will be kind and loving. Ive been through too much to fall for another abuser, like you.
I can't remember what a healthy sex life is. Sadly I don't think ive ever had one. It will be interesting to find out what that's like

I have been reading about narcissistic tendencies. Some things match Dh.

I was with my ex from the age of 16, It was such an unhealthy relationship but I couldn't see that then.

It was be painful, soul destroying at times and gut wrenching working through it all. But it will be worth it. I can promise that.

I feel re born, I spent New Year's Eve with someone who chooses to be with me. Not someone who constantly tells me that I'm so lucky they put up with me.

You're worth so much more. Don't let the OW in your headspace. Be grateful your DD likes her, that's all that matters and as pp have said when she is old enough she will realise what an amazing mum you've been. Always putting her needs first. I have a nine year old DD and she told me last week she likes her new normal. That's all that matters to me.

Good luck

You'll get to a point where you couldn't care less. The most you will feel for him is mild disgust and boredom at having to communicate with him. My ex always said it was lack of intimacy as well that finished us and that's the party line his family have swallowed, it certainly wasn't the numerous affairs, the emotional, verbal and occasionally physical abuse or even the drinking himself into a stupor every single night and ordering me out of my own living room so he could enjoy himself drinking and watching shit movies.

Surely it's a perfectly natural response to not want to engage in an act that could lead to procreation with someone who doesn't care for your wellbeing?

I was in your posit ion almost 7 years ago. I have no feeling at all towards him now. Initially i felt awkward when he involved ow in my child's life however now my child is 15 she has naturally found out just what her dad is like and has little contact with him now

Same has happened to me this week.

Fuckers

Chuckle all that matters is that we gently sculpt kind, loving, strong and healthy children, mentally and physically, isn't that right. I try my hardest. Sometimes I have snapped at her, or made her upset because of a grievance I've had with her dad in my mind. But I try bloody hard to be the strong woman I eventually want her to be.

MsGame your last paragraph describes that issue so eloquently and perfectly. If they were normal, empathic men we wouldn't have felt to put off surely...?

Lady lambkin that's interesting about your daughter, is her dad anything like my dh or was he neglectful of her?

Rebelsoldier I'm so sorry. You are not alone.

I can't thank you all enough for reading my thread, I really can't. I am feeling better.

The thought of trying to be normal while hearing more tales from dd is making me feel sick at the moment though.

Your Ex is with a woman who is prepared to have affairs with married men, the OP is with a man who is prepared to have affairs with other women - neither if them are winners in this situation. Your daughter loves you best in all the world - you win hands down.

The OP not OP - sorry for typo!

THE OW fgs autocorrect (sorry!)

((((Hug))))

Please don't feel sad & lonely. Certainly don't feel fat, frigid, blah blah blah because it's all just controlling crap he said to keep,you 'in your place'.

It is unfair that you have to be apart from your DD to enable the contact, but at least for DD's sake he's showing an interest in her. The OW/GF seems ok with DD if DD is speaking positively about her and they've being doing things together rather than palming DD of to others. Yes it hurts like fuck, but it's far worse when the child is resented & unwanted.

Try to make a life for yourself when DD is at her Dad's. Go out, see friends, try to be busy.

It won't always hurt this much & you will meet someone worthy of you when the time is right 💐

Oh Stripy. She only recently stopped telling me that she loved daddy more than me
I have wondered if she still prefers him or if maybe a slight bit of novelty has worn off.

Mutter under your breath 'better than being resented, better than being hated, better than being ignored' rinse & repeat. Eventually you'll realise it's true and whilst it still hurts, you are hurting for you, hurting for your child is even worse pain.

Keep venting on here, you need to let it out. We understand x

Thanks Things. I am terrified that one day dd will tell me she wants to go and see daddy and his gf rather than have time with me.
Sometimes she cries when I pick her up from school and not daddy. If she lumps the gf into it and cries for her as well I will be grief stricken

Teepish- I could have written all your posts word for word. I had depression and anxiety caused by exp's emotional abuse. Hes moved on and met someone new & I haven't. And I still struggle with my dc going with him and his new partner. We separated just over 4 years ago and all I can say to you is that it does get easier. I see exp's new partner as an aunty to my dc. I'm glad she's there as he's a useless twat and always has been.
Your not with him Anymore for good reasons. I always say but look at him All happy and I'm still single & struggling (I do love my life v much) and my best friend always replies 'all that glitters isnt gold' which helps me!

Just think whatever shit your ex gave you his new gf is now getting.

Your daughter sounds absolutely lovely

It's gets easier and you are not alone.

DD loves you and feels safe with you. I wouldn't pay much attention to what she says about who she loves the most tbh because so much of it is boundary testing & manipulation. Children with both parents in the same house, essentially happy, will play one off against the other or live/want one more than the other at times. They know which 'tells off' more, which is more likely to play or give treats. Which will let them wangle more bedtime stories etc.

But if really tested, children know who is the parent that gives them love, safety, security etc. Sometimes it's both parents and sometimes only one.

Just love her & do your best.

They always reach out for the parent who is there less, I think in some way, they think if they love them enough, they'll be around more. She knows you love and will always love her.

DD used to cry for her dad, but I just used to reassure her that she still had me and she always would. She rarely does it now.