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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I'm going to have to leave

83 replies

Fairytoad · 02/10/2016 23:32

So tonight after everything has been going so well with my dp of 5 years he has pulled me across the room by my hair, had my 21 month old screaming his head off. I feel so upset. I don't have a clue where to start with it all. Can't do anything at this time of night. Want to go to my mums but dont want to worry her. Me and little one are safe. I am a mixture of angry but mainly just heartbroken.

OP posts:
Lweji · 02/10/2016 23:36

Where is he? Is he in the house?

You could call the police.

Ohdearducks · 02/10/2016 23:41

He's assaulted you, call the police. I'm sorry you're in this awful situation your poor DC too Flowers
has he left the house? Lock up and chain the door if so.

Original poster
Fairytoad · 02/10/2016 23:42

He is downstairs on the couch, we are in my bed. He has pulled the baby gate off the wall and I can hear the dog has come up but to scared to look as stupid as it sounds. This was the problem, he has had a drink and ds woke up, only way to get him back to sleep is in bed with me but wont let dp sleep with us when he has had alcohol

OP posts:
Original poster
Fairytoad · 02/10/2016 23:43

I am more upset for my little one than me

OP posts:
PonderingLikeAPond · 02/10/2016 23:45

Can you drive?

No way would I be staying there tonight if I had the means to get me and the baby away. If not call the police. They will remove him.

peaceloveandbiscuits · 02/10/2016 23:47

Seriously consider ringing the police tonight and having him removed FlowersBrew

Original poster
Fairytoad · 02/10/2016 23:48

Yes I can drive but it means waking my baby up and walking past him to get out. He can't get in the bedroom as I have pushed the bed in front of the door

OP posts:
PonderingLikeAPond · 02/10/2016 23:49

You are so scared in your own home that you have barricaded yourself into a room.

This is what the police are for. Seriously. Call them.

Ohdearducks · 02/10/2016 23:51

If he's still in the house you're not safe, can you take yourself and DC to your mums? You and dc's safety is much more important than not worrying your mum.

Original poster
Fairytoad · 02/10/2016 23:52

I dont want to upset my ds anymore. He went straight back to sleep in my bed. I will ring the police in the morning. Just need to get to the morning

OP posts:
Montane50 · 02/10/2016 23:53

I always advocate staying calm and waiting until morning before deciding on the best course of action. However-you seriously need to call the police asap, dont wake the baby and try to leave because he sounds unstable. Ring the police and have him arrested, then in the morning leave. You and your baby are not safe right now x

Helpisathand13 · 02/10/2016 23:55

Oh Fairytoad I am so sorry to hear what a traumatic experience you are having. If you intend to stay ensure you and you little one are safe. Make sure the door is secure and you have your phone charged and ready to call the Police should you need to. Has he been like this before and is he different when he has sobered up? Try to think this scenario through, have you got an escape route? What are you doing with a person who treats you and your child this way? You deserve so much better. Sending you strength and care to get through this xxx

memyselfandaye · 02/10/2016 23:56

Omg please do not wait until the morning, you are so scared you have barricaded yourself in the bedroom.

Call the police now, while you have the chance, don't think about it, just do it.

Original poster
Fairytoad · 02/10/2016 23:59

Yes he has acted this way before when drunk before ds when we both were drunk. He shouted and swore and woke ds up once when he was 6 months old because he was drunk and I told him if anything like it ever happened again we would be gone. He is completely different when sober and had been getting on so well. All this because I asked him to wake up so ds could get in the bed. He had already said he would sleep on the couch I don't get how he switched so quickly it was actually horrible. And he went to walk in ds room I don't know who he is

OP posts:
Soyouare2faced · 03/10/2016 00:00

The fact that you have your bed against the door in fear should make you realise you need to do something tonight!

Original poster
Fairytoad · 03/10/2016 00:02

I know we are safe otherwise I would have gone. I dont want to upset ds more by banging on the door/ dog barking and police taking his daddy away

OP posts:
bigbumbrunette · 03/10/2016 00:06

My husband is a police officer and he's working tonight. He'd want to be called out to you tonight to help you. Please call them.

Helpisathand13 · 03/10/2016 00:06

From what you say he seems like a nasty drunk. You know him far better than we do and we can only advise off what we read the situation to be based on your posts. I'm sure you can see we are all concerned and feel you and your ds are in a vulnerable position and unsafe. Posts advising the Police are called are to ensure your safety, please think carefully about what is the best thing for you to do. If you are going to call them tomorrow anyway, then why not tonight? X

drawpix · 03/10/2016 00:07

Your DS is just a baby love, the police coming won't bother him in the slightest. Your partner dragged you across the room by your hair! Please please call the police. Tell them what happened and that you are barricaded in your bedroom, they will come and help you. Do it tonight. Your partner is dangerous.

I know it's scary, honestly. I've been there. The police want to help you, they will protect you and take him away. What if he wakes up and tries to come back in and kick off again.

You are protecting your baby by getting him arrested. Your baby needs his mum.

Soyouare2faced · 03/10/2016 00:07

If the police get there can they not just take your husband into another room without waking anyone? Just phone the police from where you are and wait for them to knock

happymumof4crazykids · 03/10/2016 00:08

Just wanted to say I hope you and your little one are ok, I understand your reluctance to phone the police, but do you think you are safe if he decided to come back upstairs and continue? For all you know he is downstairs fuming and things could escalate especially if he's still drunk or drinking more. Do you have a brother or male relative you could call to come and get you?

Original poster
Fairytoad · 03/10/2016 00:11

We live in a terrace 2 up 2 down, my bedroom is at the front so is living room and front door. I am presuming he will be passed out drunk so wouldnt get up to answer the door meaning me moving the bed going down and waking the baby up. I know it sounds silly. My plan is to ring tomorrow when I am at my mums house or out. I need to speak to my mum in person first just to make me feel a bit more normal. We were at a christening today and it was all fine. Dont understand how someone can just switch like that

OP posts:
Soyouare2faced · 03/10/2016 00:11

It would be far worse for DS to see this than the police turning up

Original poster
Fairytoad · 03/10/2016 00:12

If he came back upstairs he couldnt get back in as the bed is wedged behind the door. If he attempted to then I would ring the police

OP posts:
happymumof4crazykids · 03/10/2016 00:14

Alcohol can unfortunately have this affect on some people :( some people are happy drunks others are aggressive. If he came back upstairs and tried to kick off again would you ring the police then?

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