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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I'm going to have to leave

83 replies

Fairytoad · 02/10/2016 23:32

So tonight after everything has been going so well with my dp of 5 years he has pulled me across the room by my hair, had my 21 month old screaming his head off. I feel so upset. I don't have a clue where to start with it all. Can't do anything at this time of night. Want to go to my mums but dont want to worry her. Me and little one are safe. I am a mixture of angry but mainly just heartbroken.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fairytoad · 03/10/2016 10:06

I dont want to but I know I have to which makes me feel worse. I don't want to uproot us and feel alone. I just want to be a happy family. I am so hurt he could do this to me and risk losing his son. It is all so horrible. He said he will go and stay at his families but hasnt made any move to go yet. I am going out with my ds at dinnertime so if he hasnt gone by then I will go to my mums

OP posts:
Lweji · 03/10/2016 10:27

I must urge you to report it to the police as soon as you feel safe.

Even before, as they can help protect you and remove him from the home if he doesn't go.
They will also probably refer you to NCDV (which you can also contact) to get a legal order to keep him away.
You do have options and don't have to be stuck with him there.

Original poster
Fairytoad · 03/10/2016 10:30

Its his house so I should leave really its just inconvenient. Can I still report it to the police the day later and will they take it seriously? I don't have any bruises he just dragged me by the hair

OP posts:
Scarydinosaurs · 03/10/2016 10:32

Do the police report now. You owe it to yourself and your son. You wouldn't wait to blink if a stranger did this to you- but somehow you're hesitating because a man who is meant to love and care for you MORE than a stranger has.

I get why you are, I do. But really- you need to call the police now.

GabsAlot · 03/10/2016 10:34

it doesnt matter fairy abuse comes in all forms they will understand

peaceloveandbiscuits · 03/10/2016 10:47

You can report it the day after, and the previous incidents as well. There's no time limit. Be strong and brave.

Imnotacelebgetmeouttahere · 03/10/2016 10:52

Please do report lovely, it will always feel worse the day after as its not "in the moment" but it's really important to log it. I really hope you're getting some family support as this will help. When you love someone it can make it hard to do something you know will be disruptive, but you need to put yourself and LO first Flowers and Cake because we all love cake

Imnotacelebgetmeouttahere · 03/10/2016 10:55

Ps - some advice I was given - try and remember what you would be telling your best friend or daughter etc if this was them. It's always easier to think about others welfare rather than your own.

You are just as worthy as anyone else x

Lweji · 03/10/2016 11:01

Yes, report it. It is likely to be useful later on, should you need to protect yourself and your child.
You can only regret not reporting.

Even if it's his house, his child lives there, so there might be a case for staying there if you can't find anywhere else. Get legal advice.
In any case, you live there right now and a protection order would at least give you some time to sort your things out.
Up to you. You could also just pack and go to your mum.
The key thing is that you shouldn't stay under the same roof as he is.

Helpisathand13 · 03/10/2016 11:03

Some fantastic advice here for you and all from a place of care and concern. X

femfemlicious · 03/10/2016 11:26

I think OP is going to stay with him SadSad

Imnotacelebgetmeouttahere · 03/10/2016 12:02

I think she's likely just taking time to process everything :( must have been a nasty shock

Mrsemcgregor · 03/10/2016 12:22

He didn't "only drag you by the hair" he dragged you by the hair, imagine seeing someone dragging a woman by the hair shouting and screaming in the street. You would call the police.

He did a terrible unforgivable thing to you. I am so sorry you are going through this.

Original poster
Fairytoad · 03/10/2016 13:33

Sorry I probably worded it wrongly, I meant I had no marks to show. I am just upset he has let me down. I am not scared of him in the slightest, last night it was like something else, it was horrid. I can't ever let it happen again so I will be leaving. Just trying to work it all out. Thankyou for the messages of support they have had me crying but I do really appreciate it

OP posts:
Lweji · 03/10/2016 13:41

I am not scared of him in the slightest

You should be.

LondonSouth28 · 03/10/2016 13:44

What Lweji says

NavyandWhite · 03/10/2016 13:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Manumission · 03/10/2016 14:26

I am not scared of him in the slightest,

Your tiny boy will be scared. Focus on that to give you the motivation you need.

Yes, you can still report it today. You don't need marks to show. Please do it.

Lweji · 03/10/2016 14:30

Elaborating a bit, how did you feel when you were being dragged? Were you in control? Did you know what he was going to do?

You were lucky that it went no further that time, Fairy.

I understand how you don't feel scared. This is a man who loves you and would never hurt you, right? Except he doesn't, and he has assaulted you. He will again, sadly. And you are not safe at all.
You don't know how he will react when you leave.
You have entered a new territory where his reactions are not what you'd expect, so always expect the worst. You'll be safer.

peaceloveandbiscuits · 03/10/2016 17:02

Lweji is very wise. I hope you're safe.

EverySongbirdSays · 03/10/2016 17:03

How are things now OP?

Are you still living there?

Helpisathand13 · 03/10/2016 17:23

How has today gone? X

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 03/10/2016 17:37

You are not scared. You are lying to yourself. Last night you were so scared you barricaded the door. What's worse, last night you were terrified of calling the police after your toddler witnessed a horrifically violence attack on you. This morning it sounded like you were still too scared to call the police.

Your excuses for not calling the police would be funny if they weren't so tragic.

Poor little DS has learned that daddies drag mummies by the hair when they are drunk and there are no consequences. It must be OK then. No one came to protect mummy. Not even the police. It must be OK then.

I hope you did get over the fear, find your anger, call the police and move out.

Justaboy · 03/10/2016 17:49

Fairytoad The demon drink has just unearthed something that's not good. As it does.

It doesn't cause it, it just showed up what's underneath which will be there again.

Do you want to have that happen again?

And again?

happymumof4crazykids · 03/10/2016 18:59

Hope everything is ok op please let us know that you are ok.