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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I'm going to have to leave

83 replies

Fairytoad · 02/10/2016 23:32

So tonight after everything has been going so well with my dp of 5 years he has pulled me across the room by my hair, had my 21 month old screaming his head off. I feel so upset. I don't have a clue where to start with it all. Can't do anything at this time of night. Want to go to my mums but dont want to worry her. Me and little one are safe. I am a mixture of angry but mainly just heartbroken.

OP posts:
happymumof4crazykids · 03/10/2016 00:14

X post sorry x

peaceloveandbiscuits · 03/10/2016 00:15

Would DS resettle with you in bed after he's been carted off? I want you to ring the police tonight but I do understand why you're reluctant. You're not putting yourself first, though. DS will forget all about tonight. The police are pretty good at minimising any scene he might try to cause to upset DS.

myfriendnigel · 03/10/2016 00:16

The baby won't wake up. And even if he or she does then it's not that bag a deal in the scheme of things.The police are very good at being discreet and quiet in these situations. Please please ring them. If you feel so nervous that you are barricading yourself in a bedroom it's time to call for help.

EverySongbirdSays · 03/10/2016 00:16

Fairytoad

You are getting good advice here. Assuming he works and tomorrow begins the working week, I'd sit tight if you won't phone the police and get the locks changed when he's gone in to work and notify police you've been assaulted.

Ohdearducks · 03/10/2016 00:20

Ok do you have a plan for the morning? Is he likely to try and get into the bedroom when he wakes up? Will he be able to force the door and move the bed? I'm just thinking if you've been able move the bed it will possibly be quite easy for him to force the door and move it too? If you can't get passed him tonight how will you get passed him in the morning? You just seem a bit well, trapped!

Ohdearducks · 03/10/2016 00:22

Read your update my post took ages to load. Hope you will be ok in the morning OP

Helpisathand13 · 03/10/2016 00:29

Fairytoad
I hope you get through tonight safely and give yourself breathing space and thinking time to focus your mind on next steps. Keep your phone to hand just in case and please keep in touch. Xxx

Original poster
Fairytoad · 03/10/2016 00:31

My phone is under the pillow. We both had a week off to spend together which is actually in a way lucky. Its his house so no locks changed but I can go to my mums. I will ring her first thing

OP posts:
JuddNelsoninTheBreakfastClub · 03/10/2016 00:35

So awful this has happened to you. Are you going to get any sleep tonight as it is? Are you sure he is asleep downstairs? The other thing I'm worried about apart from more violence is would he do something stupid like set the house on fire, accidentally or otherwise, is he a smoker? Hope you and the little one are okay, neither of you should be subjected to this. Agree with others, do you have any male relatives?

Italiangreyhound · 03/10/2016 00:39

Fairoad I don't know about you but I cannot go all night without a wee so I would need to go to bathroom, unless you have something to go in.

I am sure this is all terrifying. I think the advice to call the police is good advice.

Manumission · 03/10/2016 00:55

Do you have house keys up there with you? Could you throw them down to the police from the window?

Police banging at the door will probably wake him up anyway if he's asleep downstairs.

They'll be very sensitive around your son and he won't have to be there watching as they take his Dad out.

You do realise that you'll need some help to protect your DS from further incidents, don't you?

Manumission · 03/10/2016 00:58

For example, if there is any issue over child residence/contact or you need Legal Aid or Housing help, having logged the DV with police and having a crime reference number could be very important.

VinoTime · 03/10/2016 01:05

You need to call the police now. You need to get this logged now, OP. The police will remove him from the house for the night and you, DS and the poor dog can get packed up and gone - without spending the night worrying sick about the possibility of him waking up and trying to get into the bedroom.

What's worse? DS being frightened further by his actions should he wake up and assault you again or DS being temporarily disturbed while the police remove this man? I know it's difficult considering the circumstances sweetheart but you have to think logically about this - you need to be another couple of steps ahead.

You and the little one are not safe while this man remains in the house. To keep you both safe, you need to call the police and have him removed tonight. If he wakes up and loses his temper again, then what?

Call them. Now.

myfriendnigel · 03/10/2016 06:36

Ok op?

dontwannapullahammie · 03/10/2016 06:57

Hope you're OK and safe op

R2G · 03/10/2016 06:59

How are you OP?

Original poster
Fairytoad · 03/10/2016 07:24

Sorry I managed to fall asleep about 1. We are ok. He has just had the cheek to come upstairs with milk for ds and I told him to get out. He said why what have I done. How frightening

OP posts:
dontwannapullahammie · 03/10/2016 07:36

He's going to want to minimise it and make you think you are overreacting...you aren't overreacting at all, remember how scared you must have been to barricade yourself in. Speak to your mum, get somewhere safe and call the police

Scarydinosaurs · 03/10/2016 07:40

Good luck this morning Flowers

kenicka · 03/10/2016 07:45

Does he have

Lweji · 03/10/2016 08:32

Please do ring the police and/or leave.
This will not be the last time and next time it can be worse.

Enkopkaffetak · 03/10/2016 09:28

It is a good thing you managed to sleep OP.. Good luck with getting through today.

hellsbellsmelons · 03/10/2016 09:29

And so the gaslighting commences!
Please do get to your mums.
That kind of abuse is absolutely unacceptable.
I hope you get some love and support from your family today.
Make sure you report to the police as well.
You might need that to keep your DS safe in the future.

aefondkisses · 03/10/2016 09:50

So sorry OP..are you at your mum's now?
What he did is unforgiveable. Don't ever go back whatever he says. The milk thing says it all..it is bad enough that he is nasty and violent (being drunk is irrelevant) he's also twisted because he's gaslighting so don't listen to anything he has to say as of today. He'll get worse. So sorry but you must never look back...just focus on what you and your little one need Flowers xx

Helpisathand13 · 03/10/2016 10:01

Hi Fairytoad, sending you strength to get through today and the courage to do what you know in your heart you must do. X