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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Well that's that then.

86 replies

Arkkorox · 21/09/2016 01:56

DP broke up with me this evening after 7 years together.

He did it via facebook.

Apparently I haven't changed enough for him and it's too little too late.

One dd together.

Someone please tell me I will be okay cause im not sure.

OP posts:
GeekyWombat · 21/09/2016 02:11

I'm so sorry to hear this Arkkorox

You can get through this. I don't know how or why he expected you to change, only you know if it was a reasonable request, but frankly if after seven years together he was so gutless he broke up with you, the mother of his daughter, by Facebook then you can definitely do better.

Flowers for you

MumblePuppy · 21/09/2016 03:13
Flowers

Sorry to hear this. What a coward.

Namechangeforthisone1234 · 21/09/2016 03:15

FlowersFlowers
He is a coward for doing this over fb and I bet you will be much more okay than him.

KoalaDownUnder · 21/09/2016 03:24

Is he fucking 14?! Over Facebook??

You poor, poor love. I am furious for you.

You will be okay, you really will. We all have stories that would make your toes curl, and the women always come out of them better in the end.

How old is your daughter?

ArmyInRed · 21/09/2016 04:16

You will be ok, using Facebook to tell you proves hes not good enough for you anyway.
Take care Flowers

Chinnygirl · 21/09/2016 04:50

You can do so much better than this twat. Via facebook, unbelievable.

After this you will be so much better off. You will be fine. Smile

MephistoMarley · 21/09/2016 05:09

Over Facebook Shock what a dick.
Why did you have to change for him? I bet you are just fine as you are.

Original poster
Arkkorox · 21/09/2016 06:35

I wasn't tidy or organised enough and I did really look after myself. I was losing weight and the house was getting better. But apparently I did do it quickly enough for him to want to stay.

Dd is 21 months. I am so scared, I never wanted this to happen. I had PND when dd was tiny and im scared it's going to come back. 3 months ago we talked of getting a mortgage, getting married and having another baby. Why would he tell me all that and then do this.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 21/09/2016 06:39

I would assume he set you up to fail to buy him time to warm up your replacement. What a cunt. You are better off without a piece of shit like him.

Flappyhat · 21/09/2016 07:00

It won't feel like this now but he has done you a massive favour.

Imagine the anger you would feel if your dd was dumped by facebook less than 2yrs after having a baby and having suffered from pnd. You would say your dd deserves better. Find that anger for you. You deserve better too.

Original poster
Arkkorox · 21/09/2016 07:01

Maybe he was right and it is all my fault. I have always been a massive failure. Failed at keeping my family together too now.

OP posts:
Flappyhat · 21/09/2016 07:03

Look at your beautiful daughter. Imagine the father of your grandchild doing this to your daughter. What would you tell her in this situation? How would you feel if this was happening to her?

AnyFucker · 21/09/2016 07:04

No, he is the failure. He bailed out because the going got tough. You don't do that if you are a decent person and a decent father.

ftmsoon · 21/09/2016 07:05

You haven't failed, you have been ill. He has failed you by being completely unreasonable and setting you unrealistic targets. Who the fuck does he think he is?? You deserve much, much better.

Flappyhat · 21/09/2016 07:08

Look, I have very low self esteem, believe I don't deserve anything. Believe everything is my fault. When I get on that spiral i try and turn it round. My dd is 11 now. The thought of a man treating my dd as badly as i have been treated in the past enrages me. So then I try and think to myself, if she is worth better then so am I. Not always easy. But logically it is true. I have to set the best example to her. You and your dd deserve so much more than a cunt who ends a relationship via fb and moans you haven't changed enough.

notaflyingmonkey · 21/09/2016 07:09

Any reason why organising the house was your responsibility, and not shared?

So he set you a goal of weight loss? Did you get to set him any goals, like being less of an arse? If so, sounds like he failed that one. Does he look like a Greek god himself?

As others have said, you are well shot of him. Please don't take it as a failure on your part, it really is his to own.

SlinkyVagabond · 21/09/2016 07:12

Did you a huge favour by showing not only was he a massive controlling, judgemental arse, but a cowardly juvenile one too. Not your fault in the slightest, do not blame or doubt yourself. And when he comes back "to give you one more chance to change" (and he will if he hasnt got a new woman lined up)tell him to fuck right off.

TheSparrowhawk · 21/09/2016 07:13

Sorry but when you have a child that 'failure' bollocks isn't good enough. Stop it. You have created and nurtured a life. He has dumped someone he supposedly loves over facefuckingbook. Who's the failure?

He has someone else lined up. He's a cunt. It's unlucky you ever met him, but you got the best thing he could give you - a daughter - and now he's fucked off so it's the best outcome really.

This will hurt. But you owe your DD more than sitting there beating up her mother.

You will be fine.

Flappyhat · 21/09/2016 07:14

Oh and you won't just be ok. YOu will be better than ok. My best friends H left her out of the blue. She hadn't lost weight quick enoough, didn't keep the house tidy enough. 10 years they had been together. He ended up living with his mum, whilst the weight fell off her, she got fit, got healthy, built a social life for herself, got a promotion at work. She is a single mum to 3 dc. She is my absolute inspiration. Her attitude was "no man is taking me down, my ds will not treat women like that and my dds will know not to tolerate it" Sounds corny, but when he woke her at 1am to say out of the blue that he was leaving her- he really did set her free. It is only with hindsight she realised how much he had dragged her down.
Guess what? His mum still does his washing, whilst she is fully independent and having the time of her life.

ayeokthen · 21/09/2016 07:18

Maybe he was right and it is all my fault. I have always been a massive failure. Failed at keeping my family together too now
No, you are not a failure. It's not all your fault and you haven't failed at keeping your family together. He has! You feel like a failure because you've got him dripping poison in your ear telling you all those horrible things. Weight and tidiness are all things that can change, being a massive cunt (him obviously) isn't. You didn't deserve this OP.

Original poster
Arkkorox · 21/09/2016 07:40

It was never him that needed to change. Always me. I was constantly walking on eggshells so I didn't upset him. I used to lie awake for hours at night worrying if I had to ask him for some money for something for DD, incase it would piss him off. He is the most miserable person I've ever met, even his mates know he's grumpy. He's been off with me the last 3 weeks and I've just been anxious for all of it wondering when he was going to do this. This is the third time and every time he's come back because I've litteraly begged him with promises that ill change. I have changed and that's still not enough?!

I gave up my self employed Buisness 3 years ago because he didn't like me doing it and we wouldn't be able to get a mortgage if I was self employed.

I've had a lucky escape havent I.

OP posts:
Flappyhat · 21/09/2016 07:49

I've had a lucky escape havent I

Oh yes! You most definitely have. Your life will take off and soar now.

Do not let him back or you are signing up to more years of this kind of crap.

Come on! Thank him! He has done you a favour. Do you work right now? What would you like to do? What are your hopes, plans and dreams? It is bloody hard work living with a miserable man for whom nothing is quite good enough. But you don't have to anymore Grin

Life can be great with a decent partner but life can also be great being single. Nothing is worse than living with someone who drags you down.

AnyFucker · 21/09/2016 07:51

When he comes back to offer you "another chance" please find your self respect and give this cunt the shock of his miserable little life.

Flappyhat · 21/09/2016 07:53

Oh god yes. He will come crawling back. Don't entertain the idea. Imagine it was your daughter/sister/mum/best friend - what would you say to them? You are just as worthy and special as them. Don't let yourself accept second best.

TheoriginalLEM · 21/09/2016 07:59

"ive had a lucky escape haven't i?"

please print this out and stick it to the fridge