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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Well that's that then.

86 replies

Arkkorox · 21/09/2016 01:56

DP broke up with me this evening after 7 years together.

He did it via facebook.

Apparently I haven't changed enough for him and it's too little too late.

One dd together.

Someone please tell me I will be okay cause im not sure.

OP posts:

Report

BreatheDeep · 21/09/2016 08:03

He was controlling you by the sounds of things. You are much better off without him. Him ending it will probably turn out to be another control device - he's probably hoping you'll be desperate for him back so will do anything. Please don't get back together with him.

Flappyhat · 21/09/2016 08:03

I know we shouldn't project on threads but I just have to say this. When my mum met my dad she was a feisty independent character. She gave him a second chance when he told her she didn't meet his standards. She gave him a third chance when he decided that she was all he wanted and if only she could improve then life woould be good. She gave him a fourth chance when he said he woould pay anything just for her to lose weight (not because of her health but then he might fancy her again^ ) She gave him a fifth chance because if she didn't then she was breaking up the family not him. And so it went on. For nearly 25years. She knew it was wrong but she didn't know how to get out of it. She made me promise I would break the cycle. Of course I didn't. I am determined to break it for my dd. It killed her. Literally. She died never feeling quite good enough. But she was good enough. It was my dad that wasn't good enough for my family.

Sorry for that self absorbed message. It has hit a nerve today.

Gather all those closest to you, find strength from those who love you (because make no mistake he doesn't love you - as I say to my children, love is a verb not a noun) and move onwards and upwards

Evergreen17 · 21/09/2016 08:04

Oh hun so sorry to hear. Will you be ok? You will be better than that. You will be happy as atm you dont remember what happy is. I can say because I see a lot of you in me and my past relationships.
He is a piece of garbage, that is clear.
You seem a bit like me, low self esteem, blaming yourself , thinking constantly you have to change, you are not worthy.
The fact is that you are great the way you are but lots of thought and behaviour patterns have clouded that OP.
He is to blame a lot for this. But we dont talk about him. This is you.
You have your daughter, amazing job you are doing at that.
You lost some weight, excellent, you did that for you. House is messy? Whose isnt?! You have a little one.
You are better much better than you think or he has made you believe.
He knew you were better and he was garbage so he tried to make you feel like garbage too. He knew he would be a garbage father because that is what he is. Now he goes and finds someone else to manipulate.
Not you. Because you have a plan. You are going to take mini steps and look at your daughter. You are writing a list of all the good things you are and you be kind to yourself.
When a thought of "I am a failure" comes, you say STOP! say it to yourself and stop it. Look at the list of good things. You need to relearn who you are
It will get easier everyday
Hugs

Arkkorox · 21/09/2016 08:06

Im moving house on Friday.

My fresh start house. Which I am going to keep lovely and tidy and how I WANT IT. Not how it should be because otherwise I'll get told off.

Im not going back. I deserve more than to be anxious all the time. Im getting my teeth fixed over the next few months. Im going to lose rest of the weight I need to, im going to find who I am and where my confidence has gone and when he wants to come back I will have three words for him.

Fuck. Right. Off.

OP posts:

Evergreen17 · 21/09/2016 08:07

brave OP

Flappyhat · 21/09/2016 08:08

Yay!!

I am only a few months ahead of you (for different reasons) but if you fancy a "sort my life/shit out" thread then I am there!

Flappyhat · 21/09/2016 08:14

He knew you were better and he was garbage so he tried to make you feel like garbage too

So so true.

MatildaTheCat · 21/09/2016 08:30

Nobody ever walked on eggshells due to their own shortcomings.

You will be great, please don't give in to him again.x

Annarose2014 · 21/09/2016 08:36

Ark Massive hugs.

Arkkorox · 21/09/2016 08:53

My eyes hurt

OP posts:

bert3400 · 21/09/2016 08:53

Well done Ark ...you fucking rock

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 21/09/2016 09:02

My eyes hurt

Mine - seem to have something in them at the moment. Ahem.

Arkkorox · 21/09/2016 09:09

I hate him for hurting me.
I hate him for promising me the world and then breaking my heart.
I hope dd never meets someone like him.

He's coming to clear his shit out the garage in a bit. Feel sick.

OP posts:

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 21/09/2016 09:19

Don't let him talk to you. Leave him to it.

Is anything of yours in the garage that you'd miss? If do, get it out now. Have bags and boxes and pens ready and near the garage, so he doesn't have to come to the house and talk to you. Etc.

Just Don't Talk To Him. Because most of us are screaming at the screen "this is probably another ploy!!"

And even if it isn't, you don't need to be hanging around getting verbally abused or puppy-dog-eyed at.

Stay strong.

Flappyhat · 21/09/2016 09:23

Can he access the garage without you needing to be there? If he can't then rearrange a time convenient to you when someone else can be there so you don't have to. You don't have to dance to his tune anymore. Do what suits you and your dd. Make it work for you. Your terms. Not his.

If he tries to talk to you then tell him you don't wish to but can always facebook him then delete and block him.

hellsbellsmelons · 21/09/2016 10:39

Oh dear.
You know no you have been abused for years by this vile individual.
Please do get in touch with Womens Aid so you stop yourself getting involved with such abusive men in the future.
You know you and your DD better and you are doing it!
Well done!
But get some support from Womens Aid and make sure you do their Freedom Programme!
Good luck with your new abuse free life!

Arkkorox · 21/09/2016 10:39

Sadly not. I have the electronic opener so I will have to be here. Like fuck is he keeping it.

I've just read an article and realised something. The fucker has been gaslighting me for fucking years.

OP posts:

Flappyhat · 21/09/2016 10:40

OP you are finding your anger. Keep it and use it to propel your life forward and away from him.

hellsbellsmelons · 21/09/2016 10:42

You now know!

Arkkorox · 21/09/2016 10:59

I feel like such a twat. Out of one abusive relationship into another. Ffs.

OP posts:

Flappyhat · 21/09/2016 11:02

Arkkorox You are NOT a twat! Give yourself a break, give yourself some time. Look forward to your new home and know that you are deserving of so much more.

What time is the twat coming round to empty the garage?

hellsbellsmelons · 21/09/2016 11:05

You are not a twat!
Just get onto Womens Aid and ensure you have the tools to avoid these dick-heads in the future.

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Arkkorox · 21/09/2016 11:06

Sometime this afternoon apparently. My mum will be here helping me pack the house up

OP posts:

loobyloo1234 · 21/09/2016 11:15

I've had a lucky escape havent I.

Oh yes ... you really have. You will be just fine without the man-child. Over Facebook ... utter twat

Arkkorox · 21/09/2016 12:11

This is horrible. I feel like someone's died. And scared and anxious all ontop. I don't want this to happen at all. All I wanted was just to be a family

OP posts:

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