Well that's that then.

[Arkkorox]

DP broke up with me this evening after 7 years together.

He did it via facebook.

Apparently I haven't changed enough for him and it's too little too late.

One dd together.

Someone please tell me I will be okay cause im not sure.

[Arkkorox]

At the moment he doesn't but he is sitting on a lot of money. He's not workshy and I would be shocked if he's not working again by the end of next month

[moreslackthanslick]

Does he actually have a job Ark? Will he commute to that?

Sorry for the questions, just wondering how he's going to give financial support to you and DD.

[ddrmum]

Hmmmm I wouldn't let him see your DD in your house unaccompanied. He may wrll be gaslighting you about the house too or simply waiting for you to beg him to come back.Let him sort it out,but I agree with no overnights initially, he can build up to those when he's proved to be a decent dad rather than a Facebook cunt. You've had a lucky escape. Look forward to the amazing life you deserve in your lovely new home without any eggshells

[Arkkorox]

Cause he doesn't want to live in our home town apparently. He's got some mates where he's going but I don't think there's another woman. Cheaper houses though, which is always why he wanted to move. I never did, all my support network is here, im not leaving that.

[moreslackthanslick]

Why is he moving away? For work? For another woman?

He sounds like a pathetic man child. Sorry you're dealing with this.

[Arkkorox]

He will have to come to me to see her but I will not be here when he is. There are two days where I am in London so he will have to come here to look after her. I garuntee they will spend the entire day in the house and dd will be fed up by the end of it. However he can fuck off if he thinks he's staying.

[hellsbellsmelons]

No it doesn't equate to a good dad at all.
And you know that.
He's a shite dad and even worse now he's happy to move away and leave you to it.
Unfortunately a lot of men seem to be able to do this.
My ExH moved to another country!
It's a good thing.
You do not have to facilitate anything.
If he wants to see his DD, he makes the effort to see her.
It's him who is moving away so he has to step up.
It might be another tactic to get you back in line.
It will mean he will have to see her at your house and stay with you!??
Don't let that happen.

[Arkkorox]

I know no ones listening but I just need to get it out somewhere.

I think im struggling to come to terms with the fact that he's not who I had built him up to be in my head. The man I thought he was wouldn't do this. He wouldn't move miles away from his baby and not see her, but he is. I have spent years bigging him up and making excuses for him and what he does. Have I been kidding myself the whole damn time? I don't even know my own mind anymore. I don't know how I feel about him because actually there's so much I made allowances for. I've always said he's a good dad but does looking after your child for three mornings a month and playing with them a few evenings a week equal a good dad?

[Arkkorox]

How can he possibly have her for any length of time?! She's too little to be away overnight, she's not even two and we still cosleep, he's never made her lunch, he's put her to bed a grand total of 4 times in her life, he's made her breakfast ONCE. He has NEVER taken her out on his own. EVER! How can he possibly take her away, he hasn't got a clue! Im so angry.

[JonWeaver]

He's not well. Sounds like he might have bpd symptoms. It is not a healthy life for you or your child. Breathe in, breathe out. Go for long walks. Cut off contact from him. Reconnected with friends. Guaranteed as soon as he gets a whiff that you are a happy, together person, he'll be wondering if he chose badly. Once you are back together again and standing tall, you can choose carefully what man deserves to be around you. It's all going to be fine.

[Naicehamshop]

It's a great thing. Keep going - you are doing brilliantly.

[Arkkorox]

Urgh. Last night he decided to tell me he's been to veiw some houses to buy. An hour and a half away. I can't decide if this is a good or bad thing. I can't believe he can walk away from dd like this.

[Arkkorox]

Would counselling help? I don't know. I feel like I need to do something proactive about this before I find myself in another shit relationship. Do I ask to be refered at the doctors? Or through women's aid perhaps?

[Arkkorox]

You're right. Pants are on.

[PenguindreamsofDraco]

Any relationship must be better than no relationship? Come off it.

You're not all alone, you have a child, who needs more than this. Big girl panties on time and get on with it. It doesn't matter whether you can see the light at the end of the tunnel yet, you just have to keep putting one foot in front of another until you can.

[Arkkorox]

No penguins I don't but im so lost. It's panic isn't it. Go back to what's familiar even if it's shit because it's less terrifying than being all alone. I know I will be fine at some point but it really needs to hurry up. I wish I could look further down the line and see myself happy because it's not in my eyeline at the moment. That's what makes me want to run back.

[PenguindreamsofDraco]

Oh come off, you don't really believe that, do you?

[Arkkorox]

Every morning I forget for a second and then I remember and it's shit all over again. I feel like im not doing the right thing. Surely I should be fighting for this. I have every time before, I've begged him to let me have another chance. It feels wrong not to be doing it this time. I could be the person he wants me to be I just need to try harder.

[kerryob]

It will get better, just keep reminding yourself you deserve better, you deserve to be happy your baby deserves to have a happy mum! Let yourself grieve that's normal and it ok to be sad, in time those feelings will pass x

[Arkkorox]

Thank you. I keep feeling okay and then it's this totally overwhelming sense of greif and anxiety and it literally knocks sick. Someone tell me it does go away one day?

[Inertia]

You're doing brilliantly ! Keep him very very distant- and if he starts telling you that you've now 'improved' enough to be 'worthy' if him again, tell him where to shove it.

More housewarming

[fourquenelles]

Just popped by to say you rock Ark and here's a house warming virtual bunch of for you.

[Arkkorox]

I just re read all the comments here.

I can't beleive how much stronger I feel in just 6 days.

Moved into my lovely house ( almost) he's started the last two conversations, I've kept my answers short and haven't asked anything about him.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel after all

[user1472418611]

You will start to feel better day by day - I'm 2 months on from separation and my bad days are less than they used to be - stay strong, onwards and upwards and look after yourself and daughter. He doesn't deserve you and in time you will slowly start to realise he has done you a massive favour.

[Arkkorox]

I pick up the keys to my new house tomorrow. I should be excited but I just can't be