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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

MIL called me a b*itch....

59 replies

Feelingsolow12345 · 03/07/2016 19:58

because I told her to listen to me when it comes to my son. if I tell her to do something regarding him i.e putting him down on his mat so he can sleep (we wasn't at home) and get comfy. he likes to roll over onto his belly and sleep that way and if he can't roll over he screams. she went well he's comfy on his pillows (meaning her chest). I replied well do whatever you want looks like it's the total opposite to what his mum wants and knows about him. to which she turned education round and said just shut up you bitch....

DP wasn't there to hear it as he had to pop out to get something for ds. when he got back I tried to tell him but she kept talking over me to hide what she said.

OP posts:
Original poster
Feelingsolow12345 · 03/07/2016 20:24

I don't know why my phone put education in here Grin

OP posts:
Wonkydonkey44 · 03/07/2016 20:27

She really called u a bitch!
Wow! She'd have been getting it both barrels from me!

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 03/07/2016 20:31

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

OurBlanche · 03/07/2016 20:33

Have you managed to tell him since? His reaction will tell you the real size of the problem you face.

NervousRider · 03/07/2016 20:33

ExtraHotLatteToGo - what are you on about?

Original poster
Feelingsolow12345 · 03/07/2016 20:34

yep and called me ungrateful cause she was helping him fall asleep. she went I'm going to put him on the armchair to sleep now. I said no put him on his mat cause if he rolls he will fall off.

she replied well if he falls you're not being a good mum then are you.

OP posts:
Original poster
Feelingsolow12345 · 03/07/2016 20:36

not yet as he's stressing over DIY at the moment so once he's finished I'll tell him.

OP posts:
Queenbean · 03/07/2016 20:36

HotLatte is saying she doesn't believe the OP and is also suggesting that the word bitch didn't need to be starred out

Unkind on second point but not untrue on the first - need a bit more info OP....

RaeSkywalker · 03/07/2016 20:40

Wow. Tell your DP. I'd be telling him that if it happened again, I'd be leaving/ asking her to leave. Ideally he'd speak to her about this now.

To be honest, I would've challenged her too, but that's after years of bitter experience with my MIL. I understand if you don't want to.

What is your relationship with MIL like otherwise?

Rosamund1 · 03/07/2016 20:43

It is for your husband to deal with his mother. Bottom line, his mother called his wife a bitch. An apology should be forthcoming.

You also have a difficult choice to make.
Option A - save for deposit, go on holiday, go out and do things you like without forking out for a babysitter, have disposable cash = be disrespected, be beholden to someone who will very soon teach your children to second guess the decisions you make.

Option B - pay for childcare. Struggle financially, no more takeaway etc. = Have control of your childcare decisions. Exclude people who violate your boundaries.

Original poster
Feelingsolow12345 · 03/07/2016 21:06

queen what would you like to know and I starred it out as some people do find it offence.

rae before ds she was fine up until the last week of pregnancy. since ds she has been taking over. I'm going to tell him I'm not going until she says sorry. I won't use my son against her as I won't stoop to that level.

when I go back to work I got my mum and nan to look after him so child care is fine.

OP posts:
Marilynsbigsister · 03/07/2016 21:52

Perhaps she is really upset about being left out of the childcare plans. Seems really unfair that your mum and nan get to have DS on a regular basis but not MIL. Is it impractical to do so. ? Why has your mother been chosen above MIL (presuming she is available). This would upset me greatly if my son and DIL had done this without asking if I wanted to help out.

As for the sleeping thing. So, DS was asleep on MIL. ? You wanted to move him to the floor. This seems a bit strange if MIL was happy and baby content. It sounds like you were a bit jealous that he was sleeping on her and wanted to 'exert your authority' over your child , to you MIL. Why couldn't he just stay sleeping on her ? Having bought up a son herself, she probably has better or at least equal knowledge to you irt caring for babies !

Calling you a bitch however is completely unacceptable unless you really were being deliberately unpleasant to her. Still not a good word to use in the circumstances though.

RaeSkywalker · 03/07/2016 21:53

Sounds like some boundaries need to be put in place then. Namely that yourMIL won't call you names when she disagrees with your parenting choices. This needs to come from your DP.

Original poster
Feelingsolow12345 · 03/07/2016 22:07

sorry I didn't make myself clear. she is doing childcare too I meant that if she's got a problem with me and won't listen to me (my son has server allergies and skin problems but I need to go back to work) how can she be responsible to make sure she doesn't give him the food he's allergic to. or keep the dog away from him as he's allergic to dog fur. I should have really explained myself properly.

and I'll admit sometimes I can be jealous with other holding my son, but she was moaning that she needed to cook dinner to (even though I offered to do it but she went "I've been cooking roast dinners for 35-40 years I don't need your help) so I went put him on his mat where he can get comfy and he won't wake up and scream during our dinner he will sleep a lot longer.

also I've told my DP and he's furious. he's going to talk to her tomorrow.

OP posts:
JudyCoolibar · 03/07/2016 22:12

Oh, come on, there is a big difference between not wanting to disturb a perfectly comfortable child and deciding to ignore instructions about food allergies.

She certainly shouldn't have called you a bitch, but it does sound as if you were bossing her around for no very good reason, and you were pretty rude to her on your own account.

RestlessTraveller · 03/07/2016 22:33

I'm going to go against the grain here. Don't leave it to your DP, stand up for yourself!

TanTanNubuck · 03/07/2016 22:40

I don't understand why that asterisk is there in the thread title? Confused

If people are new to MN and think we can't say 'bitch' why on earth would they do 'bitch' which still says bitch? if it said btch it would make more sense. But must say all this coy typing of swear words we've seen around here lately is very irritating. I've seen sh!t, pi££ (yes really) and now b*itch.

HeddaGarbled · 03/07/2016 22:54

Ok, obviously calling you a bitch is unacceptable but this sounds to me like the culminating event in a spiral of antagonism between the two of you.

Your comment before the bitch comment was arsey and aimed at provoking a reaction which you got.

What's going on? Why are you away from home with her? Why is the baby sleeping on her rather than on you or in his/her cot or carrycot? Why is your H doing DIY when you are not in your house?

I think you should have a good hard look at how you are interacting with her. If you want your child to sleep in a certain way, you just pick up your child and do what you feel is right. Don't get into childish arguments, take control. Aim for being assertive rather than aggressive or passive aggressive.

Stillunexpected · 03/07/2016 23:05

If you are going back to work, you need to find some alternative childcare, because having your MIL look after your DS is going to be awful for everyone. Regardless of the rights and wrongs of the situation between you - and tbh, it sounds like there are issues on both sides here - you cannot leave your child with someone who called you a bitch and whom you cannot trust to look after your child properly!

MistressDeeCee · 03/07/2016 23:07

Well you should have dealt with it on the spot and told her it was unacceptable. & whats wrong with your son sleeping on his grandma, if he was asleep he wasn't fretting, was he? So why weren't you sitting down chilling, instead of going on about it and making arsey remarks? You sound troublesome

CalleighDoodle · 03/07/2016 23:15

What mat did you want him on? Why wasnt he being put in a moses basket or cot?

Boogers · 03/07/2016 23:30

Also, her calling her breasts 'pillows'? That's a bit weird from a grandma. Both DCs call mine their pillows but if MIL started calling her chest that when DCs were having a cuddle I'd be a bit Hmm

You need boundaries and you need to assert them yourself with your DP's backing. I bet she denies saying that when your DP talks to her tomorrow!

Original poster
Feelingsolow12345 · 04/07/2016 03:17

not long after I said to put him down cause he'll get restless he did. he hates not being able to move in his sleep. she knows this we tell her this all the while but still insists on holding him close to his "pillows".

we was round hers as we was out round there and dp said we should have dinner there. once we got there we was all OK. the reason he was lying on her while being fed was she takes him off us every time it's his feeding time. I've got nothing against her feeding him, if anything she's helping us so I can have a break, but don't appreciate her saying he's comfy on his pillows. it freaks me out. I have in the past brought it up by saying surely only my chest his is only pillows and she replies yes and so is his nannies. he was doing the DIY to help his dad. he asked him while we was there.

I could have handled it a other better than snapping and I do/did sound like I was being childish. but sometimes you her to do that with her to get her to listen.

I do sound troublesome, I agree.

and I agree she'll deny it or change it round and say I was the one who said it.

OP posts:
Rockelburger · 04/07/2016 04:22

She obviously did it to shock you.

If I was you I'd have snapped back and called her a cunt for shock factor Angry

Out2pasture · 04/07/2016 04:41

what a sad situation. op jealous that he was sleeping on your mil's chest? really i'm sure if he wiggled she would know what to do.
name calling is not acceptable but let her snuggle and show her grand child some love.

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