MIL called me a b*itch....

[Feelingsolow12345]

because I told her to listen to me when it comes to my son. if I tell her to do something regarding him i.e putting him down on his mat so he can sleep (we wasn't at home) and get comfy. he likes to roll over onto his belly and sleep that way and if he can't roll over he screams. she went well he's comfy on his pillows (meaning her chest). I replied well do whatever you want looks like it's the total opposite to what his mum wants and knows about him. to which she turned education round and said just shut up you bitch....

DP wasn't there to hear it as he had to pop out to get something for ds. when he got back I tried to tell him but she kept talking over me to hide what she said.

I'd definitely not arrange for my baby to go to someone's house on their own with a dog if they were allergic to pet hair.

I'm sure calling her boobs his "Pillows" is really annoying but pick you or battles - it's not the end of the world. Grabbing your baby or being possessive or belittling you (like the "bitch" comment) is what you should be tackling.

Pick the main issue you want to address and do it that way. Your dp will be much more likely to back you up. If you try to tackle everything, he could see it as you attacking her.

what a sad situation. op jealous that he was sleeping on your mil's chest? really i'm sure if he wiggled she would know what to do.
name calling is not acceptable but let her snuggle and show her grand child some love.

^ This

Your MIL is your DS' grandmother. She's raised children, so she's not naive the 2 of you may parent very differently; but I still can't fathom what the harm was in your DS sleeping on his grandma's chest; he'd get a bit restless - so? On a scale of 1-10, how catstrophic would it have been to sort out? Im not even on the best terms with my own mother really but she was good to DDs, when they fell asleep on her Id be relaxing in chair with a cup of tea in my hand whilst I got a little time to myself, which is rare as you know! No way would I be helicoptering just because DD usually sleeps another way/place. Your DS wasn't in danger

Some battles create unecessary, avoidable drama. & some will advise you to go in on minor battles all guns blazing, but you're the one who has to live with the outcome. Its a shame you didn't address her calling you a bitch at the time it happened, now you're left angling for your DH to tell his mum off for you.

Then again if you don't want your DS to sleep on his grandmama then just come out and say it to her, don't snipe don't nitpick She's no doubt aware by now anyway but say it plain. Just don't find a reason to complain when she doesn't pick him up so he can have a nap with his grandma

unfortunately I hate outing people. I'm normally the type of person who sit in the background watching it all go on and moan about it later.

another reason why I was a bit possessive with him being on her chest was how did I know if there was dog hair on her clothing. she may have not touched her dog but doesn't stop her from having fur on her does it.

Ok, then. So you don't like her holding him on her 'pillows'. you don't like her holding him while he sleeps because he doesn't like not being able to move . you don't like her holding him b ecause she might have dog hair on her clothing. Maybe she might also have some particle of food that he is allergic to on her somewhere too????

Basically, you don't like her holding him.

OK then. Stop going round there. Stop her seeing/touching/holding him. It's te only way.

before we found out about his allergies I was fine with her holding him while he was awake it's just recently I've been more protective since we found what was causing him to have such bad skin.

If he is that allergic to dog fur then you need to find alternative childcare arrangements as being exposed to it really isn't going to be beneficial

The pair of you sound like bellends.
It's a baby not a new toy.
Your mil is weird and your possessive.
Why not try picking you battles then you won't come across like a nag.
Your mil needs to stop being possessive and if she called me a bitch I'd of prayed the baby projectile vomited on her "pillows".

You were pretty passive aggressive before she called you a bitch. She's going to be providing you free,childcare and was making dinner for you and dh. If you don't like the way she does things then stop taking.

I hope I'll be able to help my dc when they have children, I hope their partners will be grateful if I help put and forgive any minor failings they may perceive me to have. If they can't, they can chose not to accept my help, my love, my relationship with grandchildren, my treats, my money, etc.

OP maybe you were being a bit possessive but she still shouldn't have called you a bitch, it's so insulting! (and I can't believe how many pp seem to think it's ok)

There are clearly issues between you and MIL, and maybe you're sending out the message that she can't do anything right.

Otoh, calling her boobs "pillows" is creepy, and she sounds like she has no regard for your wishes as a mother.

And what was that about putting DC to sleep on an armchair against your wishes and saying it would be your fault if he fell off? Wtf?

You, DH and MIL need to have a talk and establish some ground rules, but unlike some pp I really don't think the blame is all yours OP.

She is trying to show her authority. Even if she apologised she won't change what she is doing. Time to find alternate childcare

I think the OP has been given a bit of a rough ride here.

Yes, the OP is a tad possessive of her son, but faced with that kind of intimidation from a 'been there, done that, I know it all and what's best' MIL I'd be possessive too, in fact I was with my DS. I know what it's like to be undermined by your in-laws whilst juggling them providing childcare, it's awful.

OP's MIL calling her breasts 'pillows' in front of other people is weird and, to me, a show of possessiveness in itself.

Feeling you need to get a backbone, and quick. This will only get worse as time goes on. You are your DS's mother, and you're a tad possessive but, I think, with good reason. If your DS is allergic to something in your MIL's house then you need to make alternative arrangements for him to be looked after in a different environment.

Family providing unpaid childcare is always tricky, as the unpaid element means there is a sense of entitlement to comment on aspects of how good a job you're doing and areas you're lacking in. Be firm but fair, and backing of your partner is key.

there is a reason why I'm possessive of him. bad pregnancy being told constantly by doctors I've got a high chance of loosing him and yet he's here and beside his skin and allergies he's a big healthy baby.

I can be passive aggressive. I never was till she kept over ruling my parenting. for example the other day she gave dp food to try my ds on but it was something with an ingredient he's allergic to and I said no. she went oh he'll be fine stop worrying. how am I not meant to be aggressive to her from now on.

I do need to talk to her, with dp and fil so she can't deny or I can't deny what was said as here will be others there too.

I do need to grow a backbone, DP keeps telling me to but it's not me. also I'm thinking of the grand and great grandparents to come to ours to look after him as they all have dogs too.

and I'm grateful for her offering free childcare and doing us food. and she's wonderful when it comes to helping us but the minute she has my son in her arms or around her she changes completely

If you are that bothered about dog hairs you have to stop relying on all the relatives who have dogs to help look after your child.

If he has a true allergy to certain foods then she is going to be putting your child's life in danger as he could die. Therefore she can't look after him.

If however, it is actually an intolerance then you may be able to work it out with her.

Is it an intolerance or allergy in regards to food? There is a BIG difference.

the dietitian and dermatologist both said it's an allergy and it'll either stay the same or will get worse.

You can stop being aggressive with her, it doesn't mean you have to agree with her, just do it calmly. Your baby will pick up the aggression between you.

I agree with what others are saying. You need to find alternative childcare arrangements. I don't see how you can bleat about an allergy and then be OK with him being in her house while she looks after him.

How are you not meant to be aggressive from now on? Well by remaining polite. I have asked you not to feed him: Wheat/lactose/gluten (whatever it is) because the paediatric consultant has said he must not have it. Would you like me to ask them to note it I writing for you? If she continues to ignore the advice or try to then you politely say "oh dear, I think I can't lave him with you, that's sad but if you can't assure me you will adhere to medical advice I can't safely do that.

FWIW OP if my MIL had called me a bitch I'd have left straight away and I would never let someone so ill mannered and vulgar look after my children. It depends how shocking you think her conduct is generally.

Firstly you need to work out for yourself what your boundaries are. What are you prepared to put up with (remember, choose your battles!) and what you dislike and what is an absolute no. When you've done that you need to talk to your DP and explain it all to him and why you think/feel this way. Hopefully he'll agree with you on the whole and talk you away from the more unreasonable ones, but it's after that point that you need to talk to your MIL with your DP and FIL with you.

This is solvable, it just takes time and understanding.

Well then with all of this as bad as it sounds OP, tell your MIL about his allergies and that she can't hold him, due to this. Have the courage of your own convictions. I suspect you won't, though - you will feel she should provide free childcare as and when, and that you being your DS' mother gives you a lofty entitlement to dictate to her how she provides that care, and it must be to your standards. Hopefully it will resolve by her agreeing to all your foibles and demands and you then being left to moan about what she DOESN'T do. Sometimes people have to get what they wish for and have to pull a little more load themselves, to learn which battles are worth fighting in this life

Omg Op

Shes jealous of you. Massively so. Making sure you "know your place".

You need to assert yourself and answer back confidently next time she does this.

Take your child off her when she next tries to tell you whats what.

She can stick nannies pillows up her arse

....when I was a very insecure and unconfident mum to a baby, my mil would take the dummy out of her mouth and say "you don't need that!" in a jolly way, my dd wasn't a year yet

I have tried to be calm I just flipped yesterday. I think I'm going to do what ripe and boogers said. I need to find out when my boundaries are and make her realise what's not good or bad for me.

I really do need to get a backbone.

The confidence will come with time.

moistly jolly or not I think that's wrong. this is why I need to stick up for myself.