Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Need social media advice re oversharing teen

99 replies

bluecheque4595 · 21/05/2016 23:01

I have a son who is 15 and thinks himself v handsome. He posts on Instagram and has posted loads of selfies. But. He hashtags everything and has named the town we live in (which is a small town) and his full name and also posted a very clear image of his school tie. I did not know about it til tonight when I looked at my mobile phone and I guess he must have logged into it and not logged out.

I found a man on there, a stranger, posting "You look great!" to him re one of his bazillion moody selfies. I looked at this guy and he has posted his real name and job details. I found him on another social media which I use anonymously.

Is it a reasonable thing to ask him what exactly is his interest in the selfies of my 15 yr old son?

Dh is a company director so if you know ds's surname and the town we live in you could google and find our address straight away. Never mind the selfies in the school uniform. Anyone got any advice?

OP posts:
Aussiebean · 21/05/2016 23:15

I would chat to the school. They tend to do things on online safety so ask what they are doing and get some advice.

Original poster
bluecheque4595 · 21/05/2016 23:18

Good idea. Thanks Aussiebean.

OP posts:
randomcatname · 21/05/2016 23:41

There was a pretty good drama on a few months back which featured this type of thing. Teens was the target audience. I actually taped it for my ds when he's slightly older. Damned if I remember the name of it though but maybe someone can help?? You wouldn't have to make a big deal of anything but could be a really good conversation opener.

AnyFucker · 21/05/2016 23:43

I would talk directly to your son

Is there any reason you don't appear to have tried that ?

k1ngf1sher · 21/05/2016 23:44

I have instagram and sometimes strangers like or comment on photos, but nothing ever comes of it. It's usually just a strange person, or someone looking for more followers/likes on their own account.
(Obviously in an extreme minority of cases it's more than this, but it's more than likely going to be nothing further)

Original poster
bluecheque4595 · 21/05/2016 23:45

Yes.

I know there was a terrible case recently of a boy who was groomed and murdered about the age of my boy. The mum even went to the police with her suspicions.

Tempted to take the computer off him and ban all selfies.

But also rather fascinated by the kids obsession with self portraits. Does he not get enough validation from us that he has to hashtag for strange men to tell him how great he looks?! I don't get it. Innocent as a newborn lamb he is, and I hate to have to go in to grisly detail about predators.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 21/05/2016 23:45

have you gone into detail about online predators or not ?

PlaymobilPirate · 21/05/2016 23:46

Involve school?? Wtf for? Don't parents talk to or parent their kids anymore? Ridiculous.

Original poster
bluecheque4595 · 21/05/2016 23:47

AFucker, I only found out after bedtime and will talk to him tomorrow morning. Sick at the thought of it cos I did not want to find his page on Instagram. But there it was open on the screen of my phone, so I guess he logged in with it. I don't like violating their privacy but this is the second time I have trusted him to do the right thing and he has not. The other time was posting about how his teacher is a c**t and I ha to spell out, just one friend needs to fall out with him and screenshot that and he could be expelled.

OP posts:
CocktailQueen · 21/05/2016 23:50

Talk to your son! He's 15, and you haven't spoken to him about internet security? Um, ok.

FFS, schools are for educating - you are supposed to parent your son! Warn him that not everyone is who they say they are online, tel him not to give away identifying details like address, school tie (wtf?), etc. he's plenty old enough to hear all this stuff. Also remind him that any pic or message you send to the internet is there forever.

AnyFucker · 21/05/2016 23:50

eek !

yes, I would actually read him the riot act

don't pull any punches

seems he thinks he is invincible...you don't want him to learn the hard way he is not

Original poster
bluecheque4595 · 21/05/2016 23:50

Thanks Kingfisher, that is good to know. I don't use Instagram myself so don't know my way around it that well.

OP posts:
Original poster
bluecheque4595 · 21/05/2016 23:52

CocktailQueen, we have spoken to him and he has told me about some of his trials and tribulations of using Instagram. I didn't realise he was doing the hashtag thing. He has got a lot of school pals on there which I think is absolutely fair enough. Its seeking approval from the whole damn world that is inappropriate I think.

OP posts:
Original poster
bluecheque4595 · 21/05/2016 23:53

Good point, Anyfucker. He is so naive. And acts like he knows it all.

OP posts:
CocktailQueen · 21/05/2016 23:54

Tell him you should never put anything on the internet that you wouldn't mind your gran/head teacher seeing.

He shouldn't be that naive at 15.

AnyFucker · 21/05/2016 23:55

I have RL experience of this going horribly awry

15yo think they know it all

they do not

Aussiebean · 21/05/2016 23:55

Schools have good resources that are aimed at teenagers. If they are running a program and the op knows about it, it is a good way of opening up a dialogue. It will reinforce what the lesson is and head off any misinterpretation.

15 year olds know everything Hmm and probably won't take any criticism well because the op 'doesn't understand'. This might a way of getting them to open up and then the op to take action (like taking the phone away or insisting that they are added to all social media) as necessary.

SandyY2K · 21/05/2016 23:56

Talk to your son about e-safety and tell him that for security and safet social media shouldn't have any identifying details.

Children have been identified from their uniforms before now and there are so many whakos out there.

My kids school cover this on PHSE.

JingleJangleJudy · 21/05/2016 23:56

He's posting that his teacher is a cunt yet you still think he is 'as innocent as a newborn lamb'. Really??

AnyFucker · 21/05/2016 23:57

if my 15yo used the word "cunt" about anybody all online interaction would be removed indefinitely

Original poster
bluecheque4595 · 22/05/2016 00:00

Jingle I just mean, he is innocent of the harm that could befall him. He posts without thinking, no filter, sort of thing. Innocent of the dangers of predators I guess cos adults in his life have been decent so far.

And he was in a discussion group with other boys posting how they wished death and other terrible things on one teacher. I did not like his choice of friends but that was a couple of years ago now.

OP posts:
Numbkinnuts · 22/05/2016 00:02

Look at the CEOPs Thinkuknow resources for parents and 14plus

www.thinkuknow.co.uk/

He needs to be spoken to about the risk of over sharing his personal details. Be open with him but don't come down hard on him. If you do its likely he will hide things from you and don't take his phone away again will drive him to scale media using devices you are not aware of.

Nothing wrong in speaking with school. It's a joint approach to keeping your son safe.

Numbkinnuts · 22/05/2016 00:03

Not 'scale media ' social media !

LilQueenie · 22/05/2016 00:10

Either show examples of what can happen due to oversharing or ban the internet. Last resort pretend to be someone online to show how dangerous it is.

momtothree · 22/05/2016 00:14

Head to the inbox - too right - and you'll see any private messages if your worried

He has to accept followers - so he may or may not know this man - it may be an instructor or friends dad - looking on the positive side!

Swipe left for the next trending thread