Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ex introducded ds to new girlfriend without telling me

93 replies

BedsideLamp · 11/04/2016 17:45

That's it really, he told dc that he had a new girlfriend then took ds (8) there to meet her. I found this out from dc when i picked them up. He thinks he has done nothing wrong and that we just have different opinions on the matter. I think he should have discussed it with me first.

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 11/04/2016 17:46

How long since you split up, and how long has he been seeing her?

BertrandRussell · 11/04/2016 17:47

Why on earth should he ask you first? He is "parent in charge" when your ds is with him....

RudeElf · 11/04/2016 17:50

he has done nothing wrong and you do have different opinions on the matter. He doesnt need to discuss it with you.

Cabrinha · 11/04/2016 17:50

I didn't tell my XH. Frankly, none of his business.
At 8 years old, your child is not going to be confused - he was told about her (even if just before) rather than just have her turn up.
Shit if you split up v recently. But generally - no, he's done nothing wrong.
You fancy having to report on your personal life to your XH for the next 10 years?

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon · 11/04/2016 17:54

Nope, sorry, he doesn't have to discuss it with you.

Abed · 11/04/2016 17:57

It's none of your business.

Floralnomad · 11/04/2016 18:00

He is completely correct ,it's none of your business .

Cocochoco · 11/04/2016 18:01

My DH discussed it with his ex but they'd only split a year ago and dss was quite young.

She had no such compunction when it came to her dp though.

LittleMisslovesspiders · 11/04/2016 18:02

Sorry but he doesn't have to discuss it with you.

Micah · 11/04/2016 18:03

Would you discuss introducing a new boyfriend with him?

BoboChic · 11/04/2016 18:03

No of course your exH doesn't have to discuss introducing his new GF to your DS with you. It really is none of your business.

Ciggaretteandsmirnoff · 11/04/2016 18:07

I really don't know why folk have to give arsey replies on here.

IME It's not nice being introduced to every Tom dick and Harry when your parents split up. Children process things a lot differently than adults.

op I think it really depends on how long you have been split up. With a bit of luck your ex would have been decent enough to make sure this relationship with this new women is serious enough and not just fling or a new thing. Would have been nice to give you the heads up incase your ds was a bit weirded out and needed to discuss things.

Chlobee87 · 11/04/2016 18:08

I'm obviously out there on my own but I think that he probably should have given you a heads up. Meeting a parent's new partner is potentially quite a big deal for an 8 year old, obviously to what degree would largely depend on the particular child in question, how long ago the split was, how well the child has coped with the split etc. but I think the child's primary carer really ought to know of something is about to happen that could have an effect on that child. It's not about the exH or his new GF. It's about the little girl and recognising that this could be a bit of a tough time for her and she might need her mum's support.

LittleMisslovesspiders · 11/04/2016 18:10

I really don't know why folk have to give arsey replies on here

Posters haven't been arsey.

OP asked a question and posters have answered.

Penguinepenguins · 11/04/2016 18:12

Really is none of your business, as other people have said when dad is in charge it is up to him who he introduces your son too.

Your allowed: not to like it, moan to mumsnet, friends or anyone who will listen and I get it might be a hard pill to swallow if it's a new arrangement for you and DS, but you need to say "that's nice DS" and carry on as normal. just as if he had met Dave dads mate from work. By doing this DS will not feel like he is caught in the middle of anything between you and his Dad, which is sadly an all too common theme for NR parents on the step-parenting board.

LittleMisslovesspiders · 11/04/2016 18:12

but I think the child's primary carer really ought to know of something is about to happen that could have an effect on that child

Do you think the 'primary carer' should tell the other parent when they have a new partner as well?

Ciggaretteandsmirnoff · 11/04/2016 18:31

Do you think the 'primary carer' should tell the other parent when they have a new partner as well?

Yes I do. This isn't about either of the parents this is about many new changes that kids face when their parents split. Done children's take it in their stride others struggle. My db was very depressed when his df and DM split. He was 8. For some children it isn't an easy transition.

Most of the posters that have replied to this post havnt even considered how the child could be feeling.

Ciggaretteandsmirnoff · 11/04/2016 18:32

*some

RudeElf · 11/04/2016 18:38

Most of the posters that have replied to this post havnt even considered how the child could be feeling.

How could you possibly know that?

I am speaking from the position of never having introduced any new BFs to my dc whilst their father introduced several GFs before he settled on the woman he has now married. I think i can confidently say i have considered how the child could be feeling.

Penguinepenguins · 11/04/2016 18:41

It depends cigaretteamdsmirnof... (Love the name btw I now feel thirsty :) )

DP is residential parent full custody after the DC mother walked out yonks ago, long before DP met me. When it was the right time for me to meet DC we did not feel the need to tell her she would have caused all sorts of issues and did on a minor level some months later after NC for a very long time when she decided to pop back into DC lives which she can (always has plans on her visits) and we were living together it really was none of her business, and informing her would have been problematic, she is very high conflict.

If she should introduce the DC to a new partner at some point (she hasn't seen them again for two years I think now) it would grind as we would be concerned but it really is none of our business during her court awarded time.

What is most important is the child(ren) and I guess you have to hope that at the end of the day the child's parents will take this into consideration.

Chloecoconut · 11/04/2016 18:56

My partner had mentioned me (and my children) to his daughter before we met her (she was also 8). This was done over a couple of months and she had said she'd like to meet us all. He didn't mention it to her mum beforehand as she would have made sure his daughter was 'unavailable' on the particular weekend and probably the following few ones. Not the best way according to some but if he had mentioned it to his ex she would have been awful (they have been split up for 6 years and I'm only the second 'girlfriend' his daughter has met).

Original poster
BedsideLamp · 11/04/2016 19:06

Hi everyone, thanks for your replies, my ex has seen the thread and isn't happy so I've asked for it to be deleted.

OP posts:
Joysmum · 11/04/2016 19:12

Hi everyone, thanks for your replies, my ex has seen the thread and isn't happy so I've asked for it to be deleted

Weird, my DH knows I'm on here but would never know what threads I've commented on.

Does your ex monitor you?

Penguinepenguins · 11/04/2016 19:13

Not entirely sure why he would want it deleted when the majority are in his favour.

Costacoffeeplease · 11/04/2016 19:15

Yes he's actually got a lot of support, why would he want it deleted?Hmm. Is it because you don't like the replies op?

Swipe left for the next trending thread