Ex introducded ds to new girlfriend without telling me

[BedsideLamp]

That's it really, he told dc that he had a new girlfriend then took ds (8) there to meet her. I found this out from dc when i picked them up. He thinks he has done nothing wrong and that we just have different opinions on the matter. I think he should have discussed it with me first.

[Hissy]

Pathetic little man not me...

[Hissy]

Your child is the victim of abuse.

He's going to need your support and calm conversations.

So what if ex has a new gf. Your son needs to know that even if he didn't, you would never ever go back to him because of his behaviour. You have to show your son what a man is expected to behave like, and what they lose when they don't.

Don't delete the thread. Your ex isn't the boss of anyone. He is a weak little prick who can only feel powerful by terrorising and bullying others.

Get the support you need, whenever it comes from. He can go and fuck himself.

I'm happy to tell the pathetic little me for you if you like... I know his kind.

Btw, abusers always use what they are most afraid of to hurt you. Wanna see him shrivel? Repeat his words back to him and tell him to stop projecting, it's boring.

[CurtainsForYouFred]

Well I don't think YABU OP. I think over all bigger decisions should be discussed between parents. Don't see why divorcing would change that.

[hellsbellsmelons]

it means he will leave me alone
Well it seems not.
He is still stalking you on line (wonder if his current GF knows this?)
He seems to be still waaaay over invested in what YOU are doing!
He is still dictating what you can and cannot do.
He can get to fuck.
You can post for support where ever you like.
He has no say anymore.
Stop doing what he wants.
So HE wants it deleted.
So feckin' what?
He doesn't get to decide that. He is not the internet police.
I've not doubt he's a nasty abusive bully but you need to detach now.
He tells you he's not happy and you need to do such and such.....
'Well guess what EX? You don't get to tell me what to do anymore now leave me alone'
I know it's not that easy.

Have you contacted Womens Aid since he left?
You need to speak to them and enrol on their Freedom Programme.
It will really help you with understanding and detaching from your abusive asshole of an ex and it will also help you with future relationships and spotting red flags.

As for your original question, I would hope that he would discuss it with you but he doesn't have to unfortunately.

My ExH introduced my DD to his OW, while I was still with him!!!
Asshole!

[Choceeclair123]

I actually do think he should have discussed it with you and DS before and make sure DS actually wants to be involved with this person. I still haven't forgotten being introduced to my ex father's "gf" and I really wanted nothing to do with the woman which I do remember making blatantly clear at the time.

[WaspsandBeesSting]

Wow. This is disgusting. I've not seen one thread that has had all lovely things to say.

Life isn't full of unicorns and rainbows and shock horror not everyone agrees.

People have their own views and opinions.

Strange as it may be to some, posters aren't cardboard cutouts of each other and can actually think for themselves.

[Baressentials]

I would definitely give a heads up to my ds dad if I met someone of significance - if I was just dating then no I wouldn't mention it. But a serious relationship with someone my ds was going to meet and spend time with then yes, I would say something - if only to make sure ds was ok with what was happening and so he would know mum and dad were on board together and could discuss things rather tha things becoming "mum's side" and "dad's side".

My friends ex has got married (dc not invited) and is now expecting with his new wife (who is living in Brazil whilst ex lives in uk, until the baby is born) he didn't tell my friend. Said she had no right to know anything. Their dc are struggling with this but he refuses to see it as they dare not be anything other than excited in front of him. Their mum, my friend, has to pick up the pieces.

[Aussiemum78]

I think it's good form to wait awhile before introducing children, and not introduce them to every fling.

It's optional to tell your ex. It's not seeking permission it's giving them the opportunity to look for any upset or confusion in the child and answer questions they might have. If you have a good relationship with the ex, a text is courteous.

[arandomname]

RudeElf I've been here more years than I care to remember and this thread is not something to be proud of.

Yes, mumsnet can be a place of honesty, frankness and fantastic support, as well as entertainment and with and all that stuff. And the lack of fluffiness is refreshing.

But it can also be a place where people put the boot in for sport, and treat other posters with shocking lack of thought or anything approaching kindness and let's not pretend otherwise.

And as the years go by, the level of wit seems to drop, and the numbers of people who just want to have a fucking go grow.

However - MamaGJ mumsnet can be a place of fantastic support, RudeElf is right about that, and also a place where you can learn an awful lot, about parenting, any random subject under the sun, and yourself (might sound corny but it's true!)

But you're not wrong about the bitchiness. It's rife, and this thread is not a good example of mumsnet IMO.

There's frank, and there's being heartless. They're not the same thing.

But, there is still a lot of good here, if you do stick around I'd advise to try to avoid AIBU till you've got the measure of the place.

[RudeElf]

Spend more time on here and you'll get a better idea of the place.

[MamaGJ]

I understand that but there are ways and means of giving your opinion without being horrible. I have been on other sites and yes, there's little negativity but that is what I think a site which is for support should be like. It's not exactly fake, it's just friendly constructive comments that aren't going to offend someone. I guess to be on this site you have to be used to arguing or feeling deflated because that's all I've seen. As an expecting mum, I would hate to think I will have to deal with these comments! Sorry if my opinion isn't what you like but it's just from the experience of the very little time I've been on here for.

[RudeElf]

MN tends not to go for the fakeness and fluffiness that other sites do. There are a lot of real responses here, just like in normal life people can be supportive, rude, sensitive, indifferent, sarcastic. Some people prefer that.

[MamaGJ]

RudeElf in all honesty you're correct. However I have only been on here a day and I don't understand why so many people are rude. I've been lurking on posts and reading how people respond to posts and I don't think it's appropriate. Some comments are supportive and lovely but the rude and nasty comments just give a horrible feel to this site and deters me from continuing to use it! There's no need for such negativity.

[RudeElf]

MamaJG you clearly havent looked around much if you havent seen any support here.

[IrishDad79]

So an ex could have a different man/woman back in the house every other weekend when the children are staying over. This conveyor belt could consist of any sordid mixture of alcos, druggies, abusers or God knows what, and it's "none of your business" because the ex's sex life is more important than the safety and welfare of your kids. Wow, what a fucked up society.

[MamaGJ]

Wow. This is disgusting. I've not seen one thread that has had all lovely things to say. MumsNet is definitely not a place of support. Pathetic behaviour and comments from supposed mature individuals. Very rude and vile.

[RudeElf]

I'm talking about situations which would be unacceptable to most like df or dm is inviting druggie friends round or driving child whilst over the limit

Well yes obviously any normal parent would object to this! However this thread is about meeting a new partner, not illegal or dangerous activities! Why would anyone assume that was what you meant without you having said so?

[arandomname]

An empathy-by pass, exactly.

What is wrong with people?

This is relationships not AIBU!

BedsideLamp I'm sorry there have been so many people out for a fight on this thread - they seem to be spilling over from AIBU recently.

I hope you're OK, sounds like you're well rid of him. Maybe he doesn't "have" to tell you, but it would be the right thing to do.

[Binders1]

rudeelf I wasn't talking about normal things e.g forming wider relationships, clubs etc e.g normal life otherwise as you say you would have a knob of a parent(s). I'm talking about situations which would be unacceptable to most like df or dm is inviting druggie friends round or driving child whilst over the limit - that type of thing. In that case I would definitely have my say and would do a damn sight more than do nothing about it other than dislike it. I find it irresponsible to think I have no responsibility for my child whatsoever just because they are not with me. Maybe I am being naive. I don't mean to hijack the thread but this is new to me and trying to work through it myself and not finding it easy.

[RudeElf]

It really worries me if it is true that a parent has no right over what happens to their child when they are with the other parent

Of course it is true. Otherwise you would have loads children unable to form relationships with any of their wider family or go to classes or clubs or have days out all because they had a knob of a parent or worse two knob parents.

i think its better if a couple have a relationship where they can tell the other 'I am going to introduce DS to x today'

Yes it is better. Not always possible though.

i personally will not hesitate to have a say in my DS just because he is not with me

That depends entirely on your ex allowing you that say. He/she could vey easily just not involve you in the process at all and you can do nothing about it aside from dislike it.

[Binders1]

It really worries me if it is true that a parent has no right over what happens to their child when they are with the other parent i.e. where they go, who they are with, what they do. Especially if there are issues.

I think it's better if a couple have a relationship where they can tell the other I am going to introduce DS to x today. It is as pp said common courtesy. Hate it when you find out the child has been told to lie that a meeting has taken place. As pp some parents only selfishly think of themselves and not the child. Nor do I want my child to be introduced to a conveyor belt of women. So whether a parent is entitled or not I know I personally will not hesitate to have a say in my DS just because he is not with me.

I hope you don't delete the thread op because your ex wants it. It's got nothing to do with him.

[CantWaitForWarmWeather]

Fucking hell what a bunch of vipers.

[Whatthefreakinwhatnow]

Wheb I met DP, DD1 was only 4 yo so yes, I did give her dad the heads up I was introducing them, just over a year after meeting him. DD'S Dad and I do have a good relationship though so he'd known about DP since day 1, and I didn't ask his permission, I just told him that DP and I were serious about each other so I was doing it and he was fine. Ditto when heet his now wife, he told me when he was ready to do the intros then too.

But- if you don't have a curteous relationship and as your DS isn't very young, he really doesn't need your permission to let them meet his gf; he can make that call.

Hopefully he's been sensible and they've been together 6 months plus before doing it so that they are sure it's going somewhere.

If your son is upset, just reassure him that dad still feels the same way about him and paint it in a positive light so that he doesn't become more upset or anxious by picking up on your disapproval.

[loveyoutothemoon]

I agree, it would have been nice to give you the heads up. But he shouldn't need permission from you.

I also think 2 months is very soon but if he's serious about her that's up to him.

[Isetan]

You need to start lowering your expectations of your Ex, why did you think that he would give a shit about his behaviour impacting his son? Your Ex is not going to change so channel your energies where there will be a positive pay off and that's, supporting your son acquiring the tools and support with having an EA father.

In addition, so what if he read this thread, detach, detach, detach. As long as you still give him permission to make you feel like crap then guess what, he won't stop. You're no longer in a relationship with this twat, which is a bloody good thing, now start celebrating by embracing the freedom. Freedom programme, therapy and making new friends, do what you need to do to take back your power.