Ex introducded ds to new girlfriend without telling me

[BedsideLamp]

That's it really, he told dc that he had a new girlfriend then took ds (8) there to meet her. I found this out from dc when i picked them up. He thinks he has done nothing wrong and that we just have different opinions on the matter. I think he should have discussed it with me first.

[BedsideLamp]

Thats why i said i shouldn't have posted the link.

[WhatALoadOfOldBollocks]

MN is weird. So many times on here I've read that it is not considered the done thing to introduce children to new partners, that we should wait a few months. Yet OP has said it's her ex's "new girlfriend" and suddenly that's fine and she's in the wrong for giving a shit about it

[Penguinepenguins]

Personally cannot see why he would want it deleted when the responses are pretty much all in his favour, surely he would use this against you not ask for it to be deleted.

Your previous post which I have read was about how you were strong enough to end a relationship with him, so keep that strength and tell him to bugger off if he is trying to interfere in your life or make a break on here and start over and don't tell him your username.

If you want help to get through this time, lots of people will help and support you - they will not always agree with you. But if you want help to deal with things they will help and support you.

[Penguinepenguins]

You don't know how long the Ex has been with "new" girlfriend...

The question the OP posted was answered.

[Squeegle]

I do feel that the OP could have had some more empathetic replies. When m ex introduced his new GF to the kids he was considerate enough to let me know first.
I appreciated that because it meant i could be very supportive and normal with the DCs and i wasnt surprised by their news. I think that helped them, they felt secure. No he didn't have to, but i did appreciate it.

The fact that OP has got very short shrift on here feels very harsh. She may be "wrong", but we all need some support sometimes, and im not sure that the "fact" that her exP is under no obligation to tell her has really been communicated in a supportive way. Surely everything doesnt have to be this aggressive?

[Oswin]

Wow fucks sake have you all had an empathy bypass?
How exactly is the op controlling.
She ent said he has to do anything just that it would have been nice to give her a heads up.
Course it would of.
This way of living that a child has two completely separate family's. And anything the other family does is none of the ops business, sounds a really crappy way to do it.
This man has been emotionally abusive so it's most likely that the ds had been unsettled for a while.
Just springing a girlfriend in him. Being told and meeting her in one visit?? Crap parenting.

Does a child not need a little warning? Some support of there finding it difficult?
The up has said the ds is upset. So should this have been done another way?

No no no because once you have split up as aparent you can do whatever the fuck you like. Even if it's the wrong choice.

[BolshierAryaStark]

He didn't have to speak to you about it no but it would have been the decent thing to do.

[Waltermittythesequel]

Why was your ds upset? What did he say?

[BedsideLamp]

He's been with her a couple months I think

[BedsideLamp]

I didn't tell him my user name he knew I might post on here so he came on saw thread ages etc

[BedsideLamp]

Anyway it's all done now

[Dungandbother]

I don't think you should have any expectation of decency from him. He obviously isn't the decent sort.

I know your pain. I feel for you. No matter how many people say your children will be wise to his arsehole ness and alcoholic dad usually push their DC far far away..... One day it will happen. It just doesn't feel like it now when all you want is to protect your DC.

Give them a hug and a sniff and try to let it go.

[M00nUnit]

I think the reason for some of the abrupt responses is that the OP didn't actually ask for any advice, she just posted some facts and gave very little detail, which resulted in very matter of fact replies giving very little detail.

[newname99]

Just be careful that your child's reaction isn't a result of your upset.Dc's often worry for their mum and feel loyalty rather than upset that dad has a new friend.If the gf was pleasant it might be that your son realises you will not get back with their dad and that is the root cause of the upset.

Its been a year since your sepration so not unreasonable that one of you have moved on.

[Penguinepenguins]

Agree M00nunit latest posters write with the "extra" knowledge that has come to light.

Since this "extra" knowledge and the he wants me to delete it, people have offered support

[TheNaze73]

I think what he did was wrong. I didn't dream of introducing my children to my new partner for 18 months as I wanted to be sure, it would be with someone I could see a future with & didn't want them to potentially see a conveyor belt of failed new relationships. YANBU in expecting a conversation first. To me that's common courtesy

[confusionoftheillusion]

Are you sure your DC isn't upset due to your reaction?
Have you encouraged him and reassured him it's ok to like new Gf?

[WhatALoadOfOldBollocks]

"You don't know how long the Ex has been with "new" girlfriend..."
"The question the OP posted was answered."

Not sure if that was directed at me Penguin
I didn't know how long OP's ex had been with his "new girlfriend" because, although I checked before I posted, and also read the thread she linked to, I couldn't find a post from her that said. OP has since said "He's been with her a couple months" so not long, she very much is a "new" girlfriend and usually MN hate this scenario. Far too soon to be introducing new partners to children IMHO.

[Isetan]

You need to start lowering your expectations of your Ex, why did you think that he would give a shit about his behaviour impacting his son? Your Ex is not going to change so channel your energies where there will be a positive pay off and that's, supporting your son acquiring the tools and support with having an EA father.

In addition, so what if he read this thread, detach, detach, detach. As long as you still give him permission to make you feel like crap then guess what, he won't stop. You're no longer in a relationship with this twat, which is a bloody good thing, now start celebrating by embracing the freedom. Freedom programme, therapy and making new friends, do what you need to do to take back your power.

[loveyoutothemoon]

I agree, it would have been nice to give you the heads up. But he shouldn't need permission from you.

I also think 2 months is very soon but if he's serious about her that's up to him.

[Whatthefreakinwhatnow]

Wheb I met DP, DD1 was only 4 yo so yes, I did give her dad the heads up I was introducing them, just over a year after meeting him. DD'S Dad and I do have a good relationship though so he'd known about DP since day 1, and I didn't ask his permission, I just told him that DP and I were serious about each other so I was doing it and he was fine. Ditto when heet his now wife, he told me when he was ready to do the intros then too.

But- if you don't have a curteous relationship and as your DS isn't very young, he really doesn't need your permission to let them meet his gf; he can make that call.

Hopefully he's been sensible and they've been together 6 months plus before doing it so that they are sure it's going somewhere.

If your son is upset, just reassure him that dad still feels the same way about him and paint it in a positive light so that he doesn't become more upset or anxious by picking up on your disapproval.

[CantWaitForWarmWeather]

Fucking hell what a bunch of vipers.

[Binders1]

It really worries me if it is true that a parent has no right over what happens to their child when they are with the other parent i.e. where they go, who they are with, what they do. Especially if there are issues.

I think it's better if a couple have a relationship where they can tell the other I am going to introduce DS to x today. It is as pp said common courtesy. Hate it when you find out the child has been told to lie that a meeting has taken place. As pp some parents only selfishly think of themselves and not the child. Nor do I want my child to be introduced to a conveyor belt of women. So whether a parent is entitled or not I know I personally will not hesitate to have a say in my DS just because he is not with me.

I hope you don't delete the thread op because your ex wants it. It's got nothing to do with him.

[RudeElf]

It really worries me if it is true that a parent has no right over what happens to their child when they are with the other parent

Of course it is true. Otherwise you would have loads children unable to form relationships with any of their wider family or go to classes or clubs or have days out all because they had a knob of a parent or worse two knob parents.

i think its better if a couple have a relationship where they can tell the other 'I am going to introduce DS to x today'

Yes it is better. Not always possible though.

i personally will not hesitate to have a say in my DS just because he is not with me

That depends entirely on your ex allowing you that say. He/she could vey easily just not involve you in the process at all and you can do nothing about it aside from dislike it.

[Binders1]

rudeelf I wasn't talking about normal things e.g forming wider relationships, clubs etc e.g normal life otherwise as you say you would have a knob of a parent(s). I'm talking about situations which would be unacceptable to most like df or dm is inviting druggie friends round or driving child whilst over the limit - that type of thing. In that case I would definitely have my say and would do a damn sight more than do nothing about it other than dislike it. I find it irresponsible to think I have no responsibility for my child whatsoever just because they are not with me. Maybe I am being naive. I don't mean to hijack the thread but this is new to me and trying to work through it myself and not finding it easy.