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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Would you tell her?

37 replies

Kimberley00001 · 19/03/2016 07:03

Please see the earlier thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2592858-To-tell-his-gf

OP posts:
KolaKoola · 19/03/2016 07:11

Yes tell her, as everyone has told you to.

If you aren't friends with her on Facebook she'll get a notification to say she's received a message from you.

Costacoffeeplease · 19/03/2016 07:27

This shit again? Lots of people have said tell her, lots of people have said don't - just make your mind up one way or the other FFS - and stop all the drama

Original poster
Kimberley00001 · 19/03/2016 07:39

What if she doesn't believe though? She adores him. He's an extremely manipulative man. It's about time he got called out on his bullshit. He's got away with too much over the years.

OP posts:
DonkeyOaty · 19/03/2016 07:40

prev thread proper link here

I agree, don't be a drama queen. Do, or do not do. Own your actions. Get a life.

Belikethat · 19/03/2016 07:40

Why do you need another thread? People will say exactly the same.

curren · 19/03/2016 07:50

That thread is worth reading. It's by just a case of you found out you are your boyfriends OW and should you tell her.

That's why you got such differing opinions. My opinion is still the same. You know a lot about her to say you knew nothing about her, including about her relationship with his kids.

You were not in a relationship with this man and was sleeping with him when you knew he had other girlfriends. That didn't bother you.

Their relationship is complicated and it appears she had an affair with this man, has left her husband and now is with him. He has now blocked all contact with you.

This seems to have become an issue simply because he has blocked you and cut contact.

You need to move in and stop putting so much energy into their relationship.

Costacoffeeplease · 19/03/2016 07:51

So what if she believes it or not? Forget them both and stop dwelling on it - get a bit of pride and self respect and move on

Original poster
Kimberley00001 · 19/03/2016 07:57

It's not okay for him to use women/objectify them for sex. I openly admit I was silly. I didn't know about her, I just had a feeling as he said on text he couldn't talk right now but wouldn't say why. She then pops up on the people you may know on FB so I view her account and she's with him.

OP posts:
lighteningirl · 19/03/2016 07:57

tell her then they can both have a good laugh at you and their relationship will blossom and strengthen you on the other hand will still be a dumped fuck buddy who repeatedly sleeps with partnered men.

RidersOnTheStorm · 19/03/2016 07:59

You'll look like a jealous shrew. Just move on.

Original poster
Kimberley00001 · 19/03/2016 07:59

Hope no one ever does it to you lightening girl.. And btw I know certain details about him that would incriminate ..

OP posts:
curren · 19/03/2016 08:01

It's not ok for him to that.

But by the same token it's not ok to sleep with men you know are attached. And you were happily his OW for a while.

You said ' I feel sorry for his kids as they really like this one' and that 'she is the type to blame the OW' and she was 'immature'.

How can you tell this from Facebook?

Tell her or don't. But you are giving far too much time an emotional energy to this man.

He is disgusting, you knew this. Cheating isn't the only thing he has done. He never claimed to be faithful to you.

Whatever you do you need to let go.

DonkeyOaty · 19/03/2016 08:02

So he's a criminal as well? Take your info to the Police then.

lunar1 · 19/03/2016 08:02

What will it take for you to make up your mind?

You seem to be enjoying the position you have created in your mind. That you have some kind of power and importance between them. I'd say tell now, as you undoubtedly will at some point. I think you are just delaying to make it as dramatic as possible.

Costacoffeeplease · 19/03/2016 08:03

So what?

To be honest I don't think mumsnet is the right place for you, I think you need some real life help

Original poster
Kimberley00001 · 19/03/2016 08:04

She was on his Facebook a few months ago as I was before they were together( his profile stated single ) so I saw the posts she wrote on. I only said his kids seem to like her as they like her pics, this all I have to go on in that respect. I have said I've been silly I've admitted that.

OP posts:
RidersOnTheStorm · 19/03/2016 08:05

And don't start any more threads about it. It's tedious and attention seeking.

Original poster
Kimberley00001 · 19/03/2016 08:05

No his not a criminal ! I could say personal things that would reveal what he's done

OP posts:
VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon · 19/03/2016 08:06

Why did you start a new thread instead of posting on your other one?

Belikethat · 19/03/2016 08:10

Why don't you make a final decision and stick with it? You must be going through agonies going over it again and again. I would leave it personally and get off Facebook. If you did tell her, you will have all the drama when/if she replies. You are torturing yourself.

curren · 19/03/2016 08:11

I believe the 'incriminating evidence' could land you in a legal grey area.

I think lunar has it. In your head you think you hold the power to devastate him and split them up and blaze of glory. You like playing over and discussing it. It makes you feel better.

But to be honest I think it's got to the point where you need some actual help to move past this.

DonkeyOaty · 19/03/2016 08:16

you've been banging on about this bloke for over a year now

Seriously get yourself sorted, yeah?

lunar1 · 19/03/2016 08:43

Bloody hell, you slept with him once over a year ago. I think you need to move on!

Original poster
Kimberley00001 · 19/03/2016 08:46

It wasn't once it was quite a few times.

OP posts:
RidersOnTheStorm · 19/03/2016 09:11

Nobody cares, OP.