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Original poster

Help with a message please - dont want to be a stalker...again

94 replies

cha59 · 10/03/2016 09:20

NC
I saw a guy last year for quite a few dates I have known him years. I had come out of a very very long marriage at the beginning of the year so was unused to dating. Basically I scared him off as I was too full on. I havent spoken to him for months but he is still always on my mind despite dating other men. I would like to send a text along the lines of how are you etc but dont want to terrify him. I just want to see if there is any hope. In my dreams will exchange a few texts and he will invite me for a drink so I feel I need to try.
Can anyone help how to word it? I dont know whether to say something like
Hi ( dont panic I am not stalking you lol ) just was wondering how you are?
Bear in mind we have known each other a long time
Any help would be great thanks

OP posts:
Fatmotherfudge78 · 10/03/2016 09:22

Not being harsh but I wouldn't bother tbh, if he wasn't interested then he won't be interested now.

I would focus your attentions elsewhere Flowers

MrsJayy · 10/03/2016 09:24

If he wanted to get in touch he would if you were to full on and the dating stopped then it's probably best left you are not friends I know that isn't what you want to hear but what do you want to achieve by texting him

Slowdecrease · 10/03/2016 09:25

Hmmm. I would say that if a man likes you he would be the one in contact even if it was just an attraction thing for sex...If he hasn't been in touch at all then he doesn't want to be and no amount of convincing him you are ok now and chilled will change that. If I was you, if I'm being really honest, I'd be more inclined to orchestrate bumping into him somewhere where you can just say a cheery hello (nothing more) and leave it in his court to come to you, he knows where you are.

ShortandSweeter · 10/03/2016 09:29

...if you do send something, definitely don't say anything about 'not stalking' him

Original poster
cha59 · 10/03/2016 09:30

Fatmother he was really, really into me but I basically spoilt it I can see everything I did wrong now and would love another chance. Thanks for the flowers {smile}

Slow that is a great idea but wouldnt know where to bump into him easily nowadays could take months and months til I got time and place right

OP posts:
Original poster
cha59 · 10/03/2016 09:31

Ok thanks Short I wont then. What would you say?

OP posts:
MrsJayy · 10/03/2016 09:33

You could send a non committal hi how are you text he might have deleted your number though

TheNaze73 · 10/03/2016 09:34

Totally disagree from a male perspective. I wouldn't ever chase. Used to but, it gets you nowhere. I would send a really simple text, cut out the stalker bit, adds nothing but, says a lot as I'd think that was your perception of yourself. Make it lighthearted succinct & to the point, not a rambling monologue. Something along the lines of "Been a while, how's it going" keep it simple & direct. If he responds great, if he doesn't respond, great. You have your answers, you move on

TheWildRumpyPumpus · 10/03/2016 09:36

A message with the words 'Don't worry I'm not stalking you' is not the way to go here I'm afraid.

You're basically saying that you'd have to change the person you are to make a relationship with this man work. If he was really into you and it was meant to be then he wouldn't have been freaked out by you being keen and eager at the time (presuming you didn't rock up on his doorstep with all your earthly possessions 3 weeks into the relationship).

MajesticWhine · 10/03/2016 10:21

what TheNaze73 said is good.

Original poster
cha59 · 10/03/2016 10:25

Thenaze that is the lines I was thinking and I will definitely move on if he doesnt reply.

Thewild I wasnt myself at the time, he had wanted to date me for a long time but I was still married so he never approached me obviously. I basically messed it all up by the way I acted but I have since learnt a hell of a lot

OP posts:
ShortandSweeter · 10/03/2016 10:26

yup, something like 'hi, what's new with you'..?..

Original poster
cha59 · 10/03/2016 10:27

I like that as well Short

OP posts:
SunLolly · 10/03/2016 10:29

I think orchestrating bumping into him is kind of stalkerish.... I would definitely do the text rather than that.

Original poster
cha59 · 10/03/2016 10:31

Right I have bitten the bullet and sent what TheNaze said so now I will find out one way or another and if its done its done ( everything crossed!!)

OP posts:
harribo13 · 10/03/2016 10:31

Send the message Thenaze said. It's good a good way to initiate contact without being over bearing.

Original poster
cha59 · 10/03/2016 10:33

Thanks Harribo I have

OP posts:
Original poster
cha59 · 10/03/2016 10:35

Yes Sunlolly I thought about it and it would mean going into a pub on my own or strolling past his work...so wrong

OP posts:
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 10/03/2016 10:39

Best of luck!

Original poster
cha59 · 10/03/2016 10:41

Thanks Anchor deep down I think I need it but nothing ventured...

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 10/03/2016 10:43

Let us know!

Original poster
cha59 · 10/03/2016 10:46

Oh dear he has said 'Hello who is this text from' now what??

OP posts:
StillDrSethHazlittMD · 10/03/2016 10:49

Um, obviously, you tell him who you are....

You really need to ask us that???

notagiraffe · 10/03/2016 10:50

Just say: It's from cha59. How are you doing?

See if/how he replies.

BigQueenBee · 10/03/2016 10:54

He has either deleted your contact details because he doesn't want to hear from you again or perhaps had a new phone.
Best of luck.

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