Help with a message please - dont want to be a stalker...again

[cha59]

NC
I saw a guy last year for quite a few dates I have known him years. I had come out of a very very long marriage at the beginning of the year so was unused to dating. Basically I scared him off as I was too full on. I havent spoken to him for months but he is still always on my mind despite dating other men. I would like to send a text along the lines of how are you etc but dont want to terrify him. I just want to see if there is any hope. In my dreams will exchange a few texts and he will invite me for a drink so I feel I need to try.
Can anyone help how to word it? I dont know whether to say something like
Hi ( dont panic I am not stalking you lol ) just was wondering how you are?
Bear in mind we have known each other a long time
Any help would be great thanks

[molyholy]

*cringe

[Tryingtobenicexxx]

The fact that he ghosted you last him makes him sound like a bit of a twit.
I'm sure you deserve better than that but maybe it's best like others have said to just ask if he fancys a drink.
You don't have anything to loose and save all of this worrying.

[BaronessEllaSaturday]

If he didn't ask you anything in the last text to try to draw the conversation out then I would just leave it. If you genuinely want to chat to someone then you ask them questions rather than just answer what you were asked.

[fatherpeeweestairmaster]

cheersmedea that is very true. Ugh.

[DarrenHardysDrongo]

I can't get past the ghosting, although some people do seem to think it's acceptable if the relationship is not very serious yet, ie just a few dates in. If someone did it to me I can't imagine any circumstances where I'd want to start something back up with them again.

How hard is it to just tell someone it's not working for you so you don't want to see them again?

[BlueEyesAndDarkChocolate]

cheersmadea Whoever wrote that, is an utter knob end. I actually would NEVER chase a guy. It's a rule I have always lived by and it's served me well. However, how utterly vile to ignore someone's texts and then write about it in such a way. No wonder this man is still single. He sounds truly nasty. And interesting how he changes the word "girls" to "women" in some lines. He is a misogynist. What a total twat.

[CheersMedea]

I'm not disagreeing BlueEyes that the writer is a knob.

I'm just pointing out that plenty of men think like this and also that the basic point at the heart of that post (a man not getting in touch with you is almost certainly not interested) is true.

[Toomuchinfo1]

Sorry guys . . what does ghosting mean?

[DarrenHardysDrongo]

Toomuch, ghosting is when you don't bother to tell someone that you don't want to see them again, you just don't communicate any more with them. Disappear on someone basically. It's a shitty, cowardly thing to do unless the other person is a twat in most cases.

[Slowdecrease]

I think the writer is being very honest actually, as unpalatable as it may be.

[Toomuchinfo1]

Thanks Darren. I tried to google it, and just ended up reading about actual ghosts!

I agree with slowdecrease . . .I didn't really like reading that post earlier . .but I do think the writer has a point. It's the old thing of . . 'maybe he's just not that into you'

[Oysterbabe]

That writer is an arse but it did remind me of this:

I actually feel pretty sorry for the girl.

[Toomuchinfo1]

Ah - I remember that!

[CheersMedea]

Oysterbabe I've never heard that before. I googled it and this is the same thing in text. It looks even worse written down than it does on the radio.

54 texts apparently

www.mamamia.com.au/crazy-text-message-series/

[Tryingtobenicexxx]

Bloody hell ....

[Toomuchinfo1]

It is deffo worse written down. my goodness. I don't think I've ever been quite that bad. im glad that I didn't have a mobile when I was 15/16 years old, as it could have been a whole different story!

[Jollyphonics]

Actually I think texting makes this whole business 10 times worse, because the expectations are so different.

When I was dating 15 years ago people might hope for a phone call in the evening, but we all knew that during the working day there would definitely be no contact, until a relationship was well enough established that calls to the work-place were OK. So there was no jumping when a text came through, looking for messages on Facebook etc. It was a phone call, a date or nothing. Much easier I think.

[forumdonkey]

Having been ghosted in the past I would NEVER try and initiate contact. My rule is if they can't reply within a 24 hour period with a 15 second text move on. I hope it works out for you OP. Remember though if a man wants to see you he'll make it happen.

[KerkyraRabbit]

Did he reply to your last message? If its a general reply with no questions then I think that's your answer.