Help with a message please - dont want to be a stalker...again

[cha59]

NC
I saw a guy last year for quite a few dates I have known him years. I had come out of a very very long marriage at the beginning of the year so was unused to dating. Basically I scared him off as I was too full on. I havent spoken to him for months but he is still always on my mind despite dating other men. I would like to send a text along the lines of how are you etc but dont want to terrify him. I just want to see if there is any hope. In my dreams will exchange a few texts and he will invite me for a drink so I feel I need to try.
Can anyone help how to word it? I dont know whether to say something like
Hi ( dont panic I am not stalking you lol ) just was wondering how you are?
Bear in mind we have known each other a long time
Any help would be great thanks

[OhShutUpThomas]

Has he replied?

[cha59]

I didnt know whether to ignore it thats why I asked StillDr

[cha59]

Yes OhShutup he asked who the text was from I havent replied yet

[AnchorDownDeepBreath]

Nah, no benefit in ignoring it now, he knows you've thought of him.

Tell him who you are. Try not to overthink it. At this point, what will be will be.

[CheersMedea]

You need to reply and say who it is. Don't leave it too long because that will look really strange.

I would go for "Cha59. Like I said, it's been a while. How are things?"

Either he has deleted your number (really bad sign) or he knows who it is and he's enjoying playing games (even more bad sign). Either way it's not good but now you've started if you go silent, you will look like a nutter.

[cha59]

ok I have replied.

[TheNaze73]

He's game playing I think.

[cha59]

I think he is just not interested but at least I know for sure and can move forward (and try to stop thinking about him every time I try to date someone else!)

[Jollyphonics]

I had an ex who was a bit full-on and stalker-ish, so we split up. A year or so later he contacted me again. I was single and happy to hear from him, because I'd liked him at the start. So I gave him the benefit of the doubt and we exchanged a few texts and phone calls, but pretty soon he started to get all stressy like he'd been before. In the end he actually texted me and said it was messing with his head so we had to stop texting, which was fine with me.
So, your ex may well be happy to hear from you, but make sure you keep it light-hearted so he doesn't get the fear again!

[cha59]

Yes Jolly if he replied I would know this time how to handle things. I was too newly out of my long marriage and clueless but I dont think he will reply now

[Toomuchinfo1]

it sounds like you weren't yourself at all the first time. just relax and if he wants to see you again then he will.

we all get a bit crazy sometimes (I know I do)! but you just need to take a step back and think about how it looks to the other person!

it sounds like you are in a better place now, so fingers crossed he will get in touch again . .but if not, then you can move on from it.

me and my friends joke about girls having to 'reel in the crazy' from time to time :)

[cha59]

Toomuch you have it all spot on and I think the crazy is well and truly reeled in {grin} I just had to try so that I can draw a line under it.

[cha59]

OMG he has replied! He said ok thanks how are you?

[OhShutUpThomas]

Id leave it half an hour before replying

[OhShutUpThomas]

That was meant to be

[cha59]

I replied straight the way :(

[cha59]

If he answers I will wait next time :(

[Toomuchinfo1]

What did you write? :)

[StillDrSethHazlittMD]

I'm not sure the crazy is well and truly reeled in if him replying with just "ok thanks how are you" leads to you getting excited enough to go "OMG he has replied"! And when someone suggested you waited before replying, you'd already replied and are now posting purple faces.

Sorry, this is going to sound harsh, but you're coming across like a lovestruck teenager around a crush in this thread and about one step away from being stalkerish again. Just because he replied doesn't mean he thinks of you in any romantic way at all, and certainly doesn't warrant "OMG OMG" like a teenager.

I really think you need to calm right down.

[cha59]

Ok I will calm down, the purple faces are because I am not very good with these things sorry!

[NotGonnaAnswerThePhone]

Are you sure you are ready for dating? Acting full on (you do need to elaborate) usually indicates you are on the rebound

[OhShutUpThomas]

You are absolutely going to come across as too keen again if you carry on like this! What did you put?

[cha59]

I just said I was ok and asked after his kids. Oh dear I am bad at this arent I

[cha59]

He has just texted again and I am stepping away from the phone for a while

[Tryingtobenicexxx]

I honestly don't see the point in this.
He isn't interested,if he was he would of been in touch.
All your doing is fuelling your obsession with him and it's only going to stop you finding someone else.
You really shouldn't of text him.