Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What is your relationship like with your ex if you have children ?

84 replies

Whoareyou765 · 18/02/2016 11:43

Just that really.
Are you friends?
Do you spend time all together? (Not including childrens birthday and christmas - school plays)
Do you show an active interest in the others life ?

Or are you civil ?
See each other minimally at contact ?
Have little conversation etc.

I'd be interested to know.

OP posts:
FuckThisandThat · 18/02/2016 12:46

Fucking terrible but civil for the children sakes.

Not friends, no conversation, minimal contact at drop offs where I fake niceness.

We were friends and got on great until his 19 year old girlfriend grabbed him by the balls and turned him into a spineless blob of a man 😄

Eggsandketchup · 18/02/2016 12:50

Not friends, pretty civil when we need to be. Sometimes don't even see each other for drop offs because he lives in a different country so dc flies alone, or my dp brings him to the airport.
We used to get on well, until his wife took a disliking to me because she's paranoid I'm after her man. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA So when she's around, he acts like a dick. When she's not around, he's perfectly fine and normal. I can't be arsed with it.

LilacSpunkMonkey · 18/02/2016 12:52

Before I share I'd like to know why you're asking. It's very unfair to just start asking people to share personal details of their lives in a series of questions without at least explaining why you're asking.

Fairylea · 18/02/2016 12:53

Brilliant now he lives in the USA and I live in the UK Grin hardly ever have to deal with the fucker.

He sees dd once a year for half the summer holidays. He comes and gets her and she goes back to the USA with him. She is 13. We have been separated since she was 6 months old. He only moved to the us in the last 3 years. Before that things were more frosty.

MsColouring · 18/02/2016 12:56

We only communicate via text and that's very minimal. I cannot bear to be in the same room as him.

Any working relationship was completely destroyed by his behaviour during the mediation and family court process and made worse by the fact he chooses not to work so he doesn't have to pay maintenance. I have no respect for him(don't tell the kids this though.)

My dh has an interestesting relationship with his ex. They have tried to keep things amicable and will still discuss things to do with dss and attend appointments together. Problem is, she has no boundaries. She tests him (e.g. Booking dss for a haircut on the day of my dd's birthday party and kicking up a fuss when dh says it's not convenient. )She expects to be included in his family and will text constantly checking up on him.

Sometimes my relationship with my ex is easier to deal with even though I know it's not a very mature one.

Happydappy99 · 18/02/2016 12:57

I guess we're friends, we chat on the phone on normal everyday things and not just about the kids and still enjoy each other's company. We don't really go out as a family anymore but we'll invite each other in for a cuppa at pick up and drop off.

Robotgirl · 18/02/2016 13:37

Minimal chit chat at pick up/drop off
He used to make me feel angry/upset/teary/fucked off but counselling helped me to get over these emotions. I just keep it child-based & polite which can be challenging as a massive dick.

elliepac · 18/02/2016 13:39

Functional is how I would describe it. We communicate about the dc's and contact etc via text. Drop offs are done at his mums so don't see him then. We are civil if we meet for the sake of the children but that is about it. We both are quite good at not bad mouthing the other in front of dc's but i think it is fair to say we really don't like each other any more. We both have new partners. Neither of us have met the other's partner and I think it will stay that way.

elliepac · 18/02/2016 13:40

Should add we spend no time together at all. Children have two Christmas Days, we split birthdays, and did not sit near each other at Christmas play. (My excuse was I was late!)

lighteningirl · 18/02/2016 13:49

How's yours?

Minime85 · 18/02/2016 13:58

Sounds like research to me

hellsbellsmelons · 18/02/2016 14:01

Not friend nope.
He royally screwed us over although will never admit it.
I talk to him maybe twice a year.
But he's in another country to that makes is easier to not have to bother with him.

Allthefours · 18/02/2016 14:17

I have no relationship with my ex. He has no relationship with the kids so all works out well. That was until the csa move to cms and he had to pay me directly. There have been some interestingly aggressive conversations on his part. I'd never spend a second more than I had to but as I haven't seen him in almost 9 years then it's unlikely to happen!!

Becks4Saints · 18/02/2016 14:20

We are the best of friends. Go shopping together, have dinner together and will text just to see how each other other. Custody is 50/50 or whatever the kids want to do.

MushroomMama · 18/02/2016 14:41

It's been very up and down. I actually like his gf more than I like him.

Minimal contact not through malice or ill feeling he's just not a dad at all. His gf and I organise most of the contact to fit in with his uni etc but it's now down to a week once a year.

I used to fight and push contact but I don't anymore. Ds is happy and content.

Absolutely no maintenance since day 1 Hmm

Sunshine87 · 18/02/2016 14:46

Miminal we both lead seperate lives but txt or when needed to dicuss DS. Our lives are private from each other don't see the need for it not to be.

I involved in viewing schools and he attends events but we go seperately and are polite.

wallmixup · 18/02/2016 14:47

No contact whatsoever. His choice, but I'm happy with it, and life is so much easier without worrying about his input. DD doesn't remember him, doesn't ask after him.

Original poster
Whoareyou765 · 18/02/2016 14:57

It's not research.
I asked the bare minimum because I didn't want comments on my situation I wanted to gage what others did and see where mine fit.
Becka4saints seems quite similar to mine.

I was left for someone else and I am slightly wary that either the shine has worn off his new love or he is regretting what he did nearly 16 months on.

"Family" days and more thought seem to be stepping up now. We've been out all as a family every fortnight since January now, something that he would never have done when he left initially. He is very interested in my life and just seems slightly unsettled in his own. What I guess I was looking for was to see if it was normal to be so involved as exes especially day trips and lunches.

OP posts:
ohforfoxsake · 18/02/2016 15:05

I have as little to do with him as possible. It hasn't always been that way, I have made a huge effort, had him here for meals, included him in events etc. But he continues to be an entitled, self-serving tosser, and now he has started to manipulate the children and spy on me. The DCs have phones/skype. He doesn't need to speak to me so I ignore him. I am actually more angry and resentful now because of his behaviour than I was when I found put he was cheating, and during the divorce process.

I cannot stand him and hope he fucks off to the far side of fuck.

Claraoswald36 · 18/02/2016 16:44

Abysmal

Heartbroken4 · 18/02/2016 16:47

Poor, but we are three weeks in ...

Heatherjayne1972 · 18/02/2016 17:04

Nc thankfully. He contacts my 13yr old Dd to arrange contact which I hate Not paid maintenance either -said if I made a fuss he'd refuse to pay the mortgage ( so I'm selling up and taking his sorry self to court for the money). Not great but better than the violence

NickiFury · 18/02/2016 17:18

He treated me like utter garbage for years but I am going to be fair and say that he does pay generous child support and has stayed in touch with his children albeit not on a reliable basis i.e. he sees them about twice a week for an hour or two but often cancels at the last second. I cover this by never telling them he's coming so they're not disappointed.

We are, on the surface, amicable but if he even nudges at my boundaries all hell breaks loose. I despise the bones of him for how he treated me but that doesn't help my kids grow up emotionally healthy and I don't want to give him any excuses to stop paying child support. So we pretend to be friendly and pleasant but actually hate each other and that's fine by me.

cocochanel21 · 18/02/2016 18:36

Never had a relationship with DD1 dad. He dumped he when I was pregnant and denied she was his. His mother told anyone who'd listen I was a slut .I was 15 at the time.
Tragic circumstances brought the prick back into my life last year. After all those years, to listen to his shit excuses and to expect me to sympathize with him it finally felt good to tell him to FUCK OFF.

hurtandconfued2016 · 18/02/2016 19:34

Mine is terrible!

6 weeks after he left me for ow I have had to go to a lawyer to sort out childcare house and everything else.
He will not speak/discuss anything with me have to go thru his parents